<ol>
<li>Saved more money specifically for college. </li>
<li>Started earlier in HS applying for scholarships. Some small ones are even available in MS. </li>
<li>Provided my son with a realistic cost for schools from a much younger age. </li>
<li>Toured different schools, and focused on different schools.</li>
<li>Would have held the public schools (HS and middle) more accountable for college planning assistance. </li>
</ol>
<p>What did we do right?
Finally figured it out!!
Did not put IVY or top schools on pedestals that needed to be reached
Son maximized AP and DE classes. Actually earned his AS in math while in HS.
Worked the college application process backwards
looked at costs/ merit aid 1st- then decided where to apply
Did not expect our son to pay or cover 100% of costs. </p>
<p>PS, my son is at Alabama. Full scholarship. But that does not include room and board. That is an additional $10,000/ year now. Plus transportation. In 4 years, will probably be closer to $15,000. I don’t see min wage going up enough for a teen to cover those costs.</p>
<p>Definitely unbelievable that someone would pay 150K towards EC’s before a child is even in high school. What kind of EC’s cost that kind of money? I can’t think of anything unless you hired a private gymnastics coach to live with you since your child was a toddler, or bought the child a horse farm. And then not willing to pay anything towards college?</p>
<p>And who talks about how quickly they want to retire and give back to society when they are at most, in their mid thirties? Help underprivileged kids, but not a dime to one’s obviously pampered (150K/Ec’s) daughter for college?</p>
<p>No other posts on this forum, yet not responding to any of the posts that call ■■■■■?
Don’t buy it.</p>
<p>Not true. If this was the case, we wouldn’t have children being abused or neglectfully harmed by their parents/family. </p>
<p>Moreover, I’ve actually known of parents like this and children harmed by such parents. </p>
<p>Sometimes, the enmity from the children has gotten to the point, I’ve been asked by some who were among such children to act as a messenger to tell their parents that due to such actions, the children exercise their right to cut off all further contact. </p>
<p>Said parents will try all sorts of emotional appeals to tradition, respect, and “duty to family” arguments…and I’d counter that as parents…they’ve effectively undermined all that by putting their own needs for multimillion dollar houses, cars, second spouses, etc at the expense of their own children when it counted.</p>
<p>I hope you are right, and this is a ■■■■■/satire. Would make me feel better.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, this reminds me of parents I knew who did not want their children to believe in Santa. Had nothing to do with honesty or religion. It was because they did not want a fictional character getting credit for something they did.</p>
<p>In 1979-1983, I was able to work 10-15 hrs/ week at then minimum wage and pay for 4 years at the state flagship.</p>
<p>FF to 2013. My daughters would have to be paid $22/hr 15 hours/week to cover tuition, r&b at the state FS. At minimum wage, they’d have to work 35 hours/wk. I don’t know about other parts of the country, but its incredibly difficult for most young adults to get full time, minimum wage work.
And if you want to go to med school, that kind schedule won’t get you there.</p>
<p>The state FS has been denying admission to lots of high caliber students, so that may not be an option.</p>
<p>First…I would suggest the OP read the thread by momfromtexas about full ride scholarships. Clearly this OP HAS the strategy…have a brilliant kid apply down several notches to get full rides. HOWEVER, read carefully. MANY of the scholarships on that thread no longer exist. UA Huntsville (I believe) did away with their generous awards this year after students applied. Some schools are eliminating merit awards and are doing need based only (which the OP says her kid won’t qualify for).</p>
<p>Certainly, you want to get the best value out there for this student. And certainly IF she is able to secure great merit, go for it.</p>
<p>But this daughter is portrayed as a top student in everything…the queen midas of applicants. I’m not sure I understand why one would pump $150,000 into ECs and then not be willing to contribute ANYTHING towards college.</p>
<p>What I am saying is that the OP needs to consider other options too. Maybe her kid needs to commute to college to save money. Maybe the kid will get a full tuition award to a great school and mom could fund room/board. Maybe the kid could also take out the full Direct loans to help pay billable costs, and work a job for personal expenses.</p>
<p>It’s the ALL or NOTHING that bothers me…and it does. This is your daughter you are talking about…someone you say you are putting first. But at high school graduation time you are going to put her last? Why? Sure, IF she ends up doing well in high school she will have some good options available to her, and maybe at a reduced cost to Mom.</p>
<p>Don’t close the door on this 13 year old. That is what it sounds like you are doing.</p>
<p>Honestly, I feel sorry for your daughter, OP. I doubt you appreciate how much pressure to achieve you’ve put on her and likely will continue to put on her in the forthcoming years. She’s indicated in her own quiet way that she doesn’t want the pressure that presumably comes with ivy league schools, yet, if she is indeed excelling nationally in her sport and musical instrument, I don’t see how she could have done this without a lot of push from her high-achieving mom. If you will have spent $150k on ECs, there is no way your daughter doesn’t feel she’s got to excel. That’s a boatload of money.
I find it odd that she and you are even thinking about college choices for her at 13-14 years of age. She may very well change her mind (if you will allow it) as to type of college and a career in medicine or dentistry. As someone else stated, she may choose to become a teenage parent like you and follow that or some other nontraditional path, in which case options for free rides and big sports universities will likely change.</p>
<p>busdriver11, responding to ■■■■■ posts besides simply stating once that the facts I provided are true is not how I choose to have a discussion. </p>
<p>EC’s are extremely expensive in our part of the country. She started young. 150/15 is $10k per year. I know many families who have spent more. Where we live, if you want your daughter to participate at the top level, you have to be willing to pay a substantial amount of money for as long as she continues. The private coaching and travel required are expensive, but she loves it, so I am happy to spend the money. Who knows? Maybe she’ll get some athletic scholarship money if she chooses to continue with her sport in college. I am not, however, pushing athletic money, as you have more control over academics. Like I said, DD has what it takes to earn a full-ride if they exist when her time to apply comes around. She knows my position and should, therefore, work hard in high school. Besides, if she ends up deciding on med or dental school, going to a lower ranked school and excelling there will probably be to her long-term benefit.</p>
<p>OP, do some research and come back in three years when your Dd is seriously looking at schools and she has her actual records in hand. </p>
<p>But I still would warn her early and have her get a job. It sounds like she’ll need the money to do anything you don’t feel like paying for. Coming home for Thanksgiving, for instance. ;)</p>
<p>“EC’s are extremely expensive in our part of the country. She started young. 150/15 is $10k per year”</p>
<p>And she is starting high school in the fall, making her about 15?</p>
<p>Did she start her 10K/yr EC’s the year she was born? Especially when you were scrambling to get your two degrees on financial aid, with no help from your parents? Quite incredible that someone could go through college, get their first job after college (which isn’t usually incredibly high paying), pay off their loans for living expenses, pay for raising their daughter, and manage to pay 10K/yr since birth for their daughter’s EC’s. Just hard to visualize.</p>
<p>I have friends with the same educational backgrounds who could have earned multiple times what they make now. Instead, they chose to take low paying jobs to give back even though that meant they wouldn’t be able to provide some of the things that I’ve been able to provide for my DD. They won’t be able to pay for college for their kids and will get a lot of financial aid. How is my decision to provide my DD with lots of upper middle class opportunities during her first 18 years and require her to earn her way through college more selfish? Would it have been better/different had I taken one of the low paying job offers? I don’t think so.</p>
<p>busdriver, your math is off again. That was an example that I provided to show that my estimate was reasonable. $10k a year on average is nothing here in terms of EC costs, and of course, costs increase over the years as a child progresses. (fyi, did does more than 1 EC).</p>
<p>You were paying $10,000/year for extracurriculars while attending grad school on financial aid? Maybe I have the timeline wrong, but this doesn’t make sense to me.</p>
<p>I guess I don’t understand how you would be willing to spend $150,000 on EC’s but not help her with school. You say the EC’s made her happy so you were willing to do it. Wouldn’t having some help w/ college make her happy? I feel like you came to these boards to try to justify your position. It doesn’t look like that is going to happen. I’m not sure what you are looking for here. I hope that you are able to maintain an open mind in the next 4 years and adjust your plans to the realities of college. As a parent of an upcoming college freshman who will play a Div 2 sport, he could not have held a regular job in high school. He plays year-round and is gone many weekends, off and on thru summer, and practices weekdays. He will work part time in college while he plays a sport but will not have time to earn enough to put himself thru college. I’m not sure how you think your D will have time to earn money to put herself thru college. I feel like you are putting your D in a very difficult position- I hope it doesn’t backfire!</p>
<p>I think your DD will have several options to pay for college if you have the means, refuse to contribute, and merit aid isn’t forthcoming or enough. </p>
<ol>
<li>Getting married - she can be independent if she’s married. You can start shopping around for a husband now. </li>
<li>Sugar Babe - there was a thread a while back about how she can earn enough to pay for college by being the part-time “girlfriend” of rich men (Sugar Daddys). </li>
<li>Other forms of sexual exploitation - Some people claim these pay really well. </li>
</ol>
<p>So don’t worry about a thing, it will all be taken care of. Enjoy your travels.</p>
<p>ClassicRockerDad,
You forgot about option #4. If she starts selling drugs in 9th grade she can get a jump on the other high school dealers and put together a nice nest egg by graduation.</p>
<p>There is another poster on this forum who is also a full pay parent. Kids also participated in an expensive EC. The parent helped the child target schools where she could get near or a full ride, and succeeded. This student is also very smart. </p>
<p>So go for it…you are not the only one wishing to do this.</p>
<p>I think what bristled me and others is that you clearly stated in the first post that you wanted to put yourself first…and cast your kiddo to the wind. Hopefully you were overstating that.</p>
<p>Also I don’t know where you live but $150,000 for EC’s is a lot no matter where you are- this coming from someone in a high cost-of-living area who has paid for EC’s for 4 kids, including high level club sports with cross-country travel, voice and piano lessons, etc. I certainly would have given up the EC’s in favor of paying for college.</p>
<p>Also, when today’s parents were in college (if they were in college), the cost was low enough that, even if they had parents who were wealthy enough to prevent getting financial aid but refused to pay, they would work their way through college (at least the local state university).</p>