Dorm - one student moves in first........

Parents Forum
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<p>funny, true story that I told on CC long ago:</p>

<p>When S3 was moving in to his dorm for freshman year, I went down the hall to the women’s bathroom to find a woman and her daughter whispering furiously, with the daughter in tears.</p>

<p>What had happened?</p>

<p>The daughter’s room mate had arrived first, and had decorated the entire room (including this girl’s bed, desk and bulletin board) to suit herself, all in frills and peptobismol pink. She had 'generously" bought matching bedding sets, desk chair covers, etc., for the both of them because she wanted her dorm room to be exactly as she had dreamed it. Of course, no thought for the room mate who also might have had her own idea of what she wanted her dorm room to look like.</p>

<p>Mother got the girl calmed down, went back to the room, neatly packed up all the pink on her side of the room, and re-made the bed, in tailored black and white.</p>

<p>Pink girl came back to the room, had the vapors, and had an absolute melt down. And her mom started screaming at the other girl’s mom about disappointing the princess, and how dare their generosity be refused…</p>

<p>Free entertainment for the rest of the floor…</p>

<p>The poor RA, dealing with this on day one!</p>

<p>I can’t imagine where Pink Princess’ mom got off on thinking there was anything right about this, especially without first consulting the room mate.</p>

<p>This room mate relationship did NOT work out. Pink Princess ended up moving out of the room after a short time, and from what I understand, did not return after the first semester.</p>

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<p>At D’s school the students go into a lottery system for Sophomore year and up. Apparently several friends who want to room together will go into the lottery and whoever gets the best number will take the rest with him/her. Presumably this person with the best draw gets to choose which part of the room or suite they want. </p>

<p>^Can’t imagine what D would say if she arrives at school to find her roomie has already decorated HER side of the room! :)</p>

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<p>I only have roommate so it was just choosing beds/desks (the room is very oddly shaped so pretty big differences actually) and I got there first so I took pictures and texted them to her, we’d talked about our preferences before and I asked her what she preferred when I sent the pictures and what she wanted isn’t what I wanted so it worked out well</p>

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<p>Interesting read, as it looks DS might be the first one to move in. I say leave it to the kids to handle it themselves, stay out of it…</p>

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<p>S1’s school made it very clear that no one chooses a bed or room in a suite until all the suite mates had arrived to make a group decision. He was one of eight in a four bedroom suite and the size of the rooms varied greatly. (His former dorm is the seconded oldest academic building in the US, built in the early 1700s.) The roommates paired off by sleeping schedules and my easy going son and his roommate ended up with the smallest room. The beds were bunked and only one desk and one dresser fit; the rest went in the common room. The intention was to switch around between semesters but they didn’t bother; everyone was content with the status quo. I think learning to adapt and compromise (if one hasn’t already) is part of going of college.</p>

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<p>Ugh… My DS will most likely be the first one to move in since he signed up to do wreck camp before classes start… Kids who are doing that can move their stuff in days before the others arrive. I’m hoping his roommate doesn’t care about which side of a 10 x 10 room he ends up with. Although I’m pretty sure DS will switch if it is a problem.</p>

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<p>~jaw drops~</p>

<p>The mind boggles how anyone anywhere in the world could think that this was acceptable.</p>

<p>I’m imagining the things I would have said to that mother when she pitched a fit. :p</p>

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<p>My son moved in early freshman year because of campus job training. He sent photos of room to roommate-to-be to make sure he was okay with which bed he was taking. As a courtesy, knowing both boys were lofting beds, we lofted both so roommate didn’t have to mess with it. They had a good year together, seemed to deal with whatever came along. </p>

<p>Am I the only one (as a mom) who sees more challenges in these posts between girls?</p>

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<p>One group of young people I know actually did something creative…they were put in a suite with two bedrooms (identical), a small common room, and a bath.</p>

<p>They TOTALLY moved the furniture around. They put all four desks and dressers in one room, and squeezed all four beds into the other room. So there was a sleeping room and a study room, and a small room for socializing/watching TV (with headphones when requested). Major socializing took place in the floor lounge.</p>

<p>This set up apparently worked very well. It cut down on some of the “differences” in roomie habits and behaviors that are the frequent source of discord. Of course, there was some downside…for example, if one wanted some private time with a significant other, even if just to watch a movie, it wasn’t going to happen in the suite…</p>

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<p>I would definitely think this is a bigger deal with girls. My dd and her roommate ( that she “met” on facebook and have not met face to face) for next year have been texting alot about dorm stuff. My dd asked her about colors and she said “I don’t care” and then my dd said - “do you like blue, yellow and pink” Her roommate said she liked blue and yellow - easy answer - don’t buy pink!!! Not a big deal. Hadn’t thought about the sides of the room. We are going to orientation next week so I will pay attention to see if there is any difference in the room if one was to choose before the other arrived. REALLY do not want them to start off on the wrong foot!!!</p>

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<p>Our D was required to move in early because she’s an athlete and had early practices. She picked a side and moved in – what else could she have done? It actually worked out great because the dorm was more or less empty. Subsequently, unlike others, we were able to take everything out of the room and thoroughly clean-sanitize from top to bottom. The two had already coordinated bedding and what not. By the time RM arrived, carpet/rug was down, curtains were hung, TV and stand were set up, etc. D was completely out of the way so roomie and her parents had room to themselves and had more space. They were very grateful for all of our work. The girls got along remarkably well, never had a fight, and continued to room together the next year. They’re still very close friends. I can’t imagine someone being so petty about a side of the room. Someone’s gotta be on that side. There are some roomie things to worry about; this, IMO, isn’t one of them.</p>

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<p>I have to believe this is more of a girl thing. i can not see my son texting his new roommate about colors for the room.</p>

<p>BTW I have already purchased his bedding so if there is a problem OH Well…My son did pick the color/pattern but only because I told him he could either pick one of the color/patterns in the flyer that I received in the mail OR we could go SHOPPING together and hit some different stores to find a color/pattern that he really liked. He liked one of the ones in the flyer ;)</p>

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<p>D is leaving in a few days for a 7-week research program at her new college. There are 20 kids in her group and they will be staying in suites that have 3 double rooms and two bathrooms. Room mate assignments were made today - but doesn’t look like they assigned the pairs to any specific room. This should be interesting…will let you know how it goes.</p>

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<p>I took an informal poll related to this issue last year when my son was starting college. Almost universally people said you get there first, you claim your space (potentially being conscious of not picking the best bed and best dresser and best closet), you unpack, and you are done. If issues arise you can switch at break or even during semester. No issues with my son doing just that. They will room together again this year.</p>

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<p>None of my boys have been more than mildly curious about who their roommate might be. Being female, I suggested to my first that he find out what the roommate was bringing (e.g. fridge, fans, etc.) the suggestion fell on deaf ears. I can’t imagine a male sitting around waiting until the roommate arrived to “decide” which bed, closet etc. let alone “decorating” or “coordinating.” Mine just wanted us gone, gone, gone after we helped haul the “stuff” to the room. Stuff gets “moved” and “changed” by the guys but usually not for a few days/weeks.</p>

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<p>Good luck assuming a roommate won’t play the age-old greed game of first come, first pick. Even mild-mannered people play that game.</p>

<p>If you can, try to have an agreement ahead of time that each person gets their first choice for half the year.</p>

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<p>boysx3, I remember that story and love it. </p>

<p>Ds1’s roomie was an intl student who got there a week early so he had set up shop quite unobtrusively. I loved his simple, flowery linen without even a comforter. I knew then that they would get along great as my ds is equally non-pretentious.</p>

<p>This fall, ds2 is likely to be the first one to arrive, and I’ll coach him on how not to pick all the “best stuff” before his roomie gets there. If the roomie is like us, he’ll just be thrilled to be able to move in early! Ds2 won’t know his roomie until later this summer. He’s excited to find out who it is, but I can guarantee you that there will be no team accessorizing.</p>

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<p>1moremom…just gotta ask. Both of my kids had orientation that started three days before move in day for freshmen. The students attending this final orientation moved directly into their rooms. In both cases, my kids’ roommates didn’t show up until three days later. would YOUR college have required that my kid wait three days to choose a bed and unpack? </p>

<p>I agree with others upstream…it’s a dorm room for heavens sake. If its a huge issue, offer to switch at the end of the first half of the year. </p>

<p>My guess is by that time, it won’t seem all that important. I mean really…disputes over half of a dorm room are silly.</p>

<p>Besides…it would be virtually impossible to fit two students, and two parents…and all of the unpacked stuff into the room at the same time for unpacking. Seems to me, it’s better to have one kid packed and out of,the way before the other arrives.</p>

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<p>This thread reminds me at I need to order the loft. My kids both arrived first and just picked a bed. When the roommate arrived, they offered to make any changes the roommate wanted. Neither of them had roommates who cared.</p>