<p>Sometimes they stay in college, get great grades and look fine from the outside but on the inside they are very confused on their direction and not happy at all. That’s hard, too. Then the parent has to figure out if they should push for a leave of absence and risk derailing the linear degree process. Young adulthood can be a tough time, no question.</p>
<p>^^^Yes, S1 has a good friend who was a star (academics,athletics,popularity) in h.s. Everyone had very high expectations for him.</p>
<p>He attended one college for two years, transferred but dropped out of second college, tried starting business that failed, moved back home, spent months traveling to find himself, returned home w/ plans to go back to sch. but never did. He is still in the area sort of drifting.<br>
So much time and money has been lost with no real direction in sight. I feel for him and his family as they try to figure out what lies ahead. No one would have ever seen this coming in high sch. </p>
<p>On a happy note, I posted earlier in this thread about S2 who had the worst first sem. possible but we decided to give him another chance. He just returned fr. summer sch. with two “B’s” in his summer courses. He has taken another step on the “comeback” trail.
We are so proud of him and hope it will carry over to Fall sem.</p>
<p>It is painful to watch your kid navigate him/herself. We watched helplessly as D stumbled and fell several times in HS. She refused most of our offers of tutoring, only trying it a few times. She ultimately had to leave HS after her junior year because she couldn’t keep up with the coursework with her frequent and prolonged absences.</p>
<p>She had two choices after leaving HS–starting a new HS for senior year or taking & passing the GED with the adult community school summer night course. She opted for the latter & has been working hard to get back on track. We have watched, provided suggestions and encouraged but make our kids find their paths. </p>
<p>She and our family have seen kids who have gotten “off track,” and she has vowed not to have that happen.</p>
<p>D has really taken to her internship & summer school, where she’s averaging an A this 2nd term of summer school, just as she did for the 1st term. The teacher is even giving special tutoring for D & the few other students who will be continuing the German language they’ve taken this summer when they go back to their respective OOS schools this fall.</p>
<p>When folks graduate with low grades, it really isn’t the end of the world. They do have to try harder to get their foot in the door in a competitive job market but can take courses to boost their grades and get stellar recs from their employers to open up their options. They should try getting a job and/or volunteer (even at the bottom) in the field they love and work hard at it to get to the next level.</p>
<p>“When folks graduate with low grades, it really isn’t the end of the world. They do have to try harder to get their foot in the door in a competitive job market but can take courses to boost their grades and get stellar recs from their employers to open up their options.”</p>
<p>If they have strong ECs related to the type of jobs they are applying for, those strong ECs can trump grades. </p>
<p>For example, I used to help hire people for jobs in the journalism industry. What employers most cared about was how strong students’ skills were as reflected by work in student media and internships (which mainly were based on students’ work on student media). </p>
<p>Employers in that industry would overlook students with high grades, but no experience including at student media – to hhire students with weak grades and a fat portfolio of excellent published articles, high scores on the copy editing test that employers administered or copies of film that students had edited.</p>
<p>There are other fields that hire in similar ways so, for instance, a student who had headed a successful campus wide fundraising event would get hired far quicker for a sales or marketing job than would a student with straight As but no evidence that the student could organize events.</p>
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<p>I have clients who I’m pretty sure would have been thrilled with a 2.3…they are successful business people and I know that some make a lot more money than I do. Some jobs (e.g. sales of lots of types) take someone with terrific interpersonal skills…math or science or writing ability can take a back seat if the person has a lot of good contacts and can close the sale. All if not lost.</p>
<p>And, a whole lot of students do really poorly their freshman year. A news article this weekend in the *Dallas Morning News *stated that over 50% of graduates from our state HS’s (Texas) who attend Texas state public institutions of higher learning have less than a 2.0 (a C average) after the end of the freshman year.</p>
<p>The fact is that they are adults at this point, not kids anymore. you can support them emotionally, financially, and so forth, but their life plan in their hands. College, was only one option from the list of all possibilities. Got to go back to that original list and see what is the best option under current conditions. College still might be in a picture but solution is very personal with a lot variables.</p>
<p>Met a mom of twins we knew back when our sons all were playing soccer together. One of the twins went to one private U & the other went to another private U known for partying. Both had great scholarships and were studying engineering. One is on track to be a junior at his private U while the other at party U joined a frat & had grades so low he lost his scholarship & is now back home selling cars. He hopes to save enough money to get himself back to the U but his parents are sad that he squandered the opportunities he had. The one who is still at the U may do the 5-year plan to get his BA & MA in engineering & then find a job.</p>
<p>If they are doing badly because they are out partying constantly, then maybe the tough love that Northstarmom and others are advocating is appropriate.</p>
<p>However, if this is a formerly high achiever who is doing badly because of depression, bad fit with the school, or burnout, then a gentler approach is warranted. A break from school might be good, but I wouldn’t force them into community college or anything. Get them out of school before their record is too damaged. A bad choice of major may be the problem. High achievers often like to please their parents, and they may suffer through a major they hate and do badly rather than say they would rather switch.</p>
<p>Agreed, collegealum314 – you need to know the reason that your child is not doing well in college and tailor your response to that. There’s a big difference between dealing with a student with depression who won’t leave his/her dorm room versus dealing with one who’s decided to party rather than study.</p>
<p>My friend’s son was in the latter category. I think she’s at the point where she feels like an enabler (to the partying) rather than a parent who supported her son. But, to use the cliche, hindsight is 20/20. And, right now, it is hard for her to see much positive in the short-run for him once he finishes his degree in the fall.</p>
<p>As I’ve posted elsewhere, I have a son starting college this fall and he has been an underachiever in high school. I’d be somewhat surprised if he fell into the same partying lifestyle that my friend’s son did. But I am very concerned as to whether he has the discipline and maturity to handle college. My husband and I are giving him a year to attain a minimum GPA, and he comes home and goes to community college after freshman year if he doesn’t reach that goal. We’ve made that very clear to him, and he understands “where we are coming from.”</p>
<p>I must come from a funny part of the world. Most of the people I know who dropped out of college have not finished, and have not done well in their careers. One friend is still a couple classes short, and it still hurts him 20 years on.</p>
<p>Those who dropped out and eventually finished were extremely highly-motivated, as the system was not set up for the “returning” or “nontraditional” student. Perhaps that’s changing. This highly-motivated subgroup has done well (being so motivated, one would expect that).</p>
<p>There’s a wealth of anecdotal (“son dropped out and came back and is the head of the PGA”) but I wonder what the data show.</p>
<p>I did the drop-out, military, drop-in method. I don’t recommend it. I love the advice of the poster on page 1 who said “keep moving forward.” Good stuff.</p>
<p>I think collegealum and delamer are on target. The reasons for ‘underachieving’ must be considered. After first semester of my Jr. Yr., I was completely burned out and depressed. I told my parents that I needed to sit out for a semester, but they really pushed me to continue on. I ended up dropping out after a month or so anyway–really depressed at that point. Good counselors and a lot of physical labor helped me get back in shape emotionally and physically. My transcript looked pretty bad when I finished up, with all of those W’s (withdrawals), but I went on to graduate school. And, yes, life has been fine since. </p>
<p>BTW, partying may not simply be about being lazy and having fun. It may be a feeble attempt to anesthetize the pain within or to avoid addressing deep personal issues.</p>
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<p>This actually is the case with my mom. She dropped out of college in her senior year since she wasn’t doing too well and had a job offer to start as an engineer. 30+ years later (and many engineering jobs later) she’s in the process of being hired by one of the better companies in her area. They find out she never got her degree (although all of her work references checked out!) and rescind her offer of employment.</p>
<p>She’s finally taking extension classes from a nearby college to get a degree in business so she can finally get out of engineering without having to lie on her resume.</p>
<p>It is incredibly difficult to know how to deal with your child struggling and to discern between partier hangover, clinical depression, bad fit, or just plain not happy.</p>
<p>IN 20-20 hindsight, I know that one of my kids, despite a great HS resume, was just never a very happy person. I hate the self-esteem thing, but really she never quite knew where she fit in. She wanted to be successful, but she had not yet determined her passion.</p>
<p>Her application process was frustrating, she would not listen, she did not pay attention to the finaid info and she ended up with two well known places with not such great aid for our family (high HE) and lots of tippy top schools denying her. She had no hook and no reason to expect to get in there, but would not choose safeties.</p>
<p>She ended up with one state school that was respectable, yet disappointing to her. She was never happy at the school, now & again things looked like they were coming together, but with some terms on dean’s list and some on probation, good jobs & bad, good roommates & bad, it was essentially not a fun time.</p>
<p>DD ended up taking a bit of time off senior year, had to re-earn her self-respect and then finish up her courses. She did everything she needed to do and some how found her passion and is now a graduate student on her way to a PhD.</p>
<p>The difference in her demeanor is amazing; she knows what she wants to do and she is a happy person.</p>
<p>If your kid is struggling to ‘find themselves’ they may need some time off to do it.</p>
<p>That being said, we advised and encouraged a gap year, but she would have none of it. She was difficult to deal with at the time, it was tough to know the right thing to do. I am not certain that if I had said, " NO you cannot go to university" whether that would have led her down a path that helped her find herself, I don’t really knwo what we should have done at which time to change the path she took.</p>
<p>All I can say is that I am grateful she is now where she is and is content.</p>
<p>I, too, have a brother who dropped out senior year, never went back and cannot get jobs requiring a degree, it is not a great spot to be in. If you are close, i would say finish just for the piece of paper!</p>
<p>So many stories and so much hangs on whether an individual has that “piece of paper” or degree. It’s an increasingly competitive world out there and there are many who are competing for similar jobs.</p>
<p>It’s sometimes tough to guide our kids through tough times. I wish I could take credit for providing more guidance for my D when she was required to leave HS after her junior year. In a ways, I did in that I laid out all the options I was aware of and let her choose the one she felt would be the best fit. We are all happy and grateful that it worked for her but it’s always hindsight that allows us to reflect.</p>
<p>It is tough to advise our kids while watchfully waiting and hoping they make decisions that will be best for them here & now and also long-term. Sometimes professional guidance helps but only when folks are willing. My D has been very reluctant to allow professional guidance as she has been burned pretty badly by some/many.</p>