<p>She's class of 2012 in a high pressure, academically rigorous private school and has always been a B+/A- student. We just received her interim grades for second semester and they included a D+ in honors precalc, a C+ in Physics, a C in AP Latin, a B in English, and a B- in AP French (previously her best subject). She's imagined herself at an Ivy League college and, until this year, I always thought she'd push hard and get there. </p>
<p>I'm upset because I think she's not working to her potential, but at this point in the year, she's locked herself in to some extent--these grades can't be undone now, even if she does much better going forward. I'm not invested in her going to an Ivy, but I do want her to go to college! We were planning to make some weekend visits in the next month or two and we need an achievable list of places to check out, not her pie-in-the-sky list. Any ideas?</p>
<p>Thanks.</p>
<p>ps she's not a science/math (obviously with those grades!) but more of a humanities type - talented artist, Silver Key writing award in the Scholastic competition, member of the debate team, drama club</p>
<p>I think you need to find out what is causing your daughter’s sudden drop in grades. If she has always been and A-/B+ student, thenthe sudden appearance of D’s and C’s should raise a red flag that something is going on with your daughter. Even if she is not the best math student, to go from B to D is a big drop. I think I’d put college looking on hold while you get a handle on what’s going on–drugs? emotional problems? rebellion? These are a few things that come to mind. Junior year is a pressure cooker. I’d take some of the pressure of college off and try to hep your daughter regroup.</p>
<p>I agree with pamom. I would also say that, if she is finding some of those subjects difficult, I would find her some help fast. She may be able to pull them up substantially.</p>
<p>For DS it was depression. Mental health issues are not always as obvious in teens as in adults, but they are usually accompanied by a downturn in grades.</p>
<p>A couple of thoughts: 1. If she isn’t a math/science type, why THIS schedule? It sounds miserable. She could just be sick of it and burned out. 2. Does she have a new group of friends? 3. Did she do well first semester in these courses? Or has this been going on since she started them?</p>
<p>If she did well first semester and seems just burned out, get her a tutor.</p>
<p>If “everything” in her life has changed, and her grades are only one of those things? You may have something else going on here, mental health or drugs…etc…</p>
<p>Note: I’m not a grade person and I think your daughter will be able to go to college, regardless, but this kind of change, if it is out of the blue, can be indicative of other issues. OTOH, she may be growing up and may be deciding she doesn’t care about these academic subjects, and you may have to help her find another type of schedule of next year. </p>
<p>Most of the high-pressure, academically rigorous private schools I know have teachers and counselors who are pretty accessible to parents. Even if their attitude is often that parents are the ones who have screwed the kids up.</p>
<p>This kind of grade-drop across the board has probably been noticed and commented upon by her teachers. I would try to contact them and see what they think is going on.</p>
<p>Possible reasons for the sudden drop in grades-
Boys, probably one boy in particular
Too much time online, social networking or gaming
Not doing homework or procrastinating
Underestimating the time needed to study for tests
Prioritizing ECs over academics
Needs a tutor for math or at least help from the teacher but has after school activities obligations
Time needed to prep for her SATs/ACT cutting into schoolwork time
Plus those mentioned in post #2
You probably should postpone the Ivy school campus crawl and look closely at your daughter’s use of her time</p>
<p>Agree with many above…attempt to ascertain if something is happening in or out of school that is causing emotional issues, tweak the schedule - if math and science are not a strong area she needs to challenge herself but not kill herself, and agree spend some time starting to put together a reasonable list of colleges. Reach is good, but she needs a balanced list. Finally agree that you might call and speak with a respected teacher or someone who can give you some perspective about your D in and out of class in the school. </p>
<p>Classes do get harder each year in high school and they continue to get more difficult through college…sometimes kids sail along through middle and early high school and when they get to 11th grade the strengths and weaknesses start peeking through. Also some kids sailed along in middle/early HS with relatively little real study skills. You might evaluable how she is balancing school, free time, sports, activities etc. Learning how to balance those needs is an incredibly valuable college skill that many kids don’t learn in high school. She may need to tweak her time allocations… I had one that just wasn’t willing to be good study time in during high school…bright kid but a classic slacker and his GPA reflected it. His younger brother does a great job of balancing the study/sports/EC and his GPA reflects it. Two kids same capabilities, different HS outcomes. </p>
<p>There are two very good threads for 3.0 - 3.3. kids and for 3.5 kids if you search. Lots and lots of anecdotal information and college suggestions. Also understand the context of her GPA…weighted vs. unweighted. An unweighted 3.5 is very different than a weighted 3.5 (or whatever her cume GPA is going to be at the end of this year…)</p>
<p>Is she planning on attending a university, a liberal arts college, or an art school? If it’s an art school the grades may be less important. The focus would be the portfolio.</p>
<p>So much good advice–thanks! I posted while still not thinking clearly and of course those of you who say there’s something going on that’s causing the problem are right. Her issue has been lack of social life rather than too much and it may be making her depressed. My husband and I have tried to talk to her about it, but she’s always brick-walled us and denied that there was a problem. She’s away on a class trip at the moment, but we’ll have to try to get to the bottom of it when she gets back on Monday.</p>
<p>Sometimes, teachers are reluctant to say a word to parents if they don’t have absolute PROOF that a kid has a problem. That is due to the unfortunate fact that too many parents just get angry if you suggest that a kid MAY have a problem.</p>
<p>Make it clear you aren’t one of those parents. Is there a teacher she talks about favorably? If so, contact that teacher, perhaps by email, and set up an in person meeting. Voice your concerns, but make it clear that it is NOT grades which are your #1 concern, but the fact that the drop may be a symptom of a bigger problem. Ask if the teacher has noticed any changes in your D. Ask if there have been any noticeable changes in her friendships. Is she still hanging out with the same group? </p>
<p>It “sounds” as if your D lives at home. Have you noticed any changes in friendships?</p>
<p>If you are lucky, the school has counselor/social worker who knows the high quality counselors/therapists who work with adolescent girls in your area. You have tried to talk with her about social problems/possible depression… but if you are like many of us parents, we are not really skilled in going about this. Even if we were, we might not be the right “counselors” to our own child.</p>
<p>Talking to the school counselor/SW would be at the top of my list if I were you, so that the right help can be brought to bear ASAP. </p>
<p>Something has to be up and finding out what it is and how to deal with it can’t wait.</p>
<p>The right college for her is not the real issue right now. That will sort itself out later.</p>
<p>Frankly, I can only imagine the pressure that these kids are going through. When they are going to a ‘high pressure, academically rigorous’ school, it sounds like we are just pushing our kids too much.</p>
<p>I am actually thankful that I didn’t go to this type of high school. I know that I could have done much better in high school (graduated with 3.5), but looking back on my life, things have turned out just fine. I went to grad school and have a wonderful job right now.</p>
<p>It saddens me so much that we are doing this to our kids. Do 15-17 year olds really need this much pressure? Each quarter they get all As, the pressure is even higher to keep it going. Really, when is it going to stop?</p>
<p>Hormons. Peer pressure from "not having a social life/boyfriend. Peer pressure for not being a scientist, instead only an artist. The classes she is taking are the problem (classmates). If you drop a talented artist into a crowd of math/science geeks . . . spells trouble.</p>
<p>Advice:</p>
<p>She’s 3/4 into the school year. All is NOT lost! Cancel all other activities until the grades are corrected as much as possible. Declare full-out war on those low grades. Bring in all of the resources described in the posts above. The carrot is not admission to an Ivy, it is the opportunity (at any top school) to craft a course schedule of her own choosing, and to be surrounded by her kind of people. The science/math types are not her scene.</p>
<p>Personal:</p>
<p>I have 2 daughters: one science guru, and one art guru. Going from my left brain to my right brain when speaking with them is . . . exhausting!</p>
<p>Since she attends a private school, her guidance counselor should be able to create a decent college list. She should also set up a meeting to discuss as to why you’re seeing these grades. She’s a junior, and this is when it counts the most! There shouldn’t be a time, particularly in a private school, where this kind of change in grades goes unnoticed.</p>
<p>P.S. Leave the college visits to the ones she is accepted to next year. Waste of money and time to do so otherwise. She needs to work on those grades, NOW.</p>
<p>I do feel that the school should have been more proactive. We were aware of the math problem and have been taking steps to address it, but everything else was news to us. Based on the comments, it sounds like her teachers were bent out of shape because she missed quite a bit of school–broke a bone, had 2 root canals and the flu between 1/7 and 3/15–and wasn’t diligent about making it up. Again, the missing work was for the most part news to us. It’s not for lack of asking–my husband and I are both freelancers who work from home, so we’re around all the time. We ask about hw, etc but clearly we haven’t been getting straight answers. Seems like the school might have sent an email, or something. But ultimately, she’s our child, not theirs. Not being able to talk to her about it until Monday is going to drive me crazy, since I’ve reached the point of feeling very worried for her mental well being. All your comments are helpful and much appreciated.</p>
<p>A lot of reasons. Stress. Hormones. Mental Imbalance. When our kids enter their teens and early adulthood, the mental illnesses raise their ugly heads. For most kids it’s a temporary madness, and even those with some true psychosis learn to manage it. It’s the form of growing pains that isn’t discussed enough. One of the signs is a haphazard or systematic destruction of ones self and prospects. That it is showing itself now is good in the sense that she is still under your roof and you can help her get through this. When it happens when the kids go away to school, as it often happens, it can be so much more difficult as the parents are helpless to do anything.</p>
<p>First of all, give her lots of sympathy and hugs. No reprisals, nagging, warnings. She’s off track right now and you want to gently get her back there, not push her further which is the easiest and instinctive reaction these kids usually have. Something is going on, and you don’t know what it is and it’s probably a combination that she can’t explain either. Just lots of kindness and love. Go through the backpacks, the notebooks, the books, the assignment sheets. Put together a plan, and stay with her on it. Never scold or threaten. Just gentleness. Tell her you’ll help her get back on track. That you’ll work together. </p>
<p>You also should keep a sharp eye out. Drugs, sex, bullying, ostracism, obsession with something, a crush, showing off…all of these things can be in the picture in any combination. These are rough years. Maybe a counselor, psychiatrist is in order, for you too, for guidance and uninvolved assessment.</p>