<p>DS liked and was accepted at a couple of great LACs (Macalester, Colorado College, Dickinson) but now, in the final run-up, is saying that he really wants to go to reaches, which I don't think he will get into to. . . I'm chalking this up to some extent to arms race fever anxiety gripping our atmosphere for the next 10 days or so. . . but, any ideas on the loving Mom response to this recent development? He has said all along that he understood that the reaches were just that. . . but now this sudden change of heart has me a bit concerned. . At the end of the day, I think things work out the way they are supposed to. . but just getting to that road is a bit tough. .</p>
<p>HuntMom - Come ride the rollercoaster with the rest of us over here - <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/491386-high-school-class-2011-college-class-2015-a.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/491386-high-school-class-2011-college-class-2015-a.html</a></p>
<p>My suggestion is to just listen for the next couple of weeks and see where he’s accepted. No reason to borrow trouble. If possible, go to the accepted student visits and he’ll see what feels right.</p>
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<p>I couldn’t agree more. Keep this as your mantra to him (and to yourself). FWIW, these are difficult last “what-if” weeks. I’m sure many kids are allowing their minds to wander over lots of different scenarios. Nothing wrong with that (because, really, the answers are not all in yet). Try to remain calm. Smile. Don’t say too much. You don’t really need to have the serious discussion until you know the final list of possibilities.</p>
<p>At least that’s what I’m going with.</p>
<p>Huntmom, it’s natural to want what you don’t have (yet). It sounds like your son already has some great choices, so I wouldn’t worry too much. If he ends up a little disappointed that is not the end of the world. For many kids this is their first chance to learn how to deal with rejection. It’s an important lesson.</p>
<p>I think you have nailed the feeling exactly. At first they are grateful for whatever they get, then they want more. Just human nature. And,yes, we moms want them to have it all. So do I for my son. I hope your son does have more choices, but it looks like he has a nice spread already so that the rest is all gravy for him. </p>
<p>My son’s close friend got into all of his choices but one, and went into a funk over it. A true funk that really worried everyone. These kids are at that vulnerable time in life when mental/emotional issues tend to rear their ugly heads, and there is nothing like a stressful situation like college acceptances that can make anyone obsessive compulsive and lose perspective. The good news is that all of this is very likely to pass, and if it does not, is an early warning sign of some distresses that are better addressed sooner than later. I think your son will be just fine when this is all over. My college kid who is currently at one of the schools that your son has as his choices can’t even remember where else he was accepted 3 years ago.</p>
<p>HuntMom, this is such a stressful time, it was really tough at our house this time last year. The difficulty was that my son got into his reaches, but the one he decided he really wanted didn’t give him enough financial aid. It was heartbreaking to watch, but he had picked his matches with great care, and he decided to go to one of them. Once the decision was made, he went off to college with great enthusiasm. He was just home for spring break from Whitman College and I asked him if his college experience was what he’d hoped for, his response was, “heck yah!”. More often than not these things do work out, but the next few weeks may be tough. Hang in there.</p>
<p>Sometimes, the outside pressure from friends and teachers, and well-meaning adults can make the college arms race escalate. My son applied to one school simply to see if he could get in, he never really liked it. This process is pretty crazy.</p>
<p>Our son chose to apply to only “match” colleges in order to have a chance at merit scholarships and was successful to the tune of $300k+ total offers. He eventually chose to attend RPI with its $25k/yr scholarship offer.</p>
<p>However the real benefit he found was that he was more of a big fish in a small pond. He did very well academically but was challenged in the classroom. He was also selected to join his department honorary society, was offered an undergrad TA assignment(comp sci lab assistant), worked one summer with his advisor on a research project, etc. Come graduation all these things helped his to put together a great resume that helped him land a great job in a tightening job market.</p>
<p>And he graduated loan free.</p>
<p>There is something about getting accepted that makes it a bragging point. I know at my son’s middle school, some parents were miffed when their kids were not accepted to one of the high schools even though the kids were already pretty much committed to another one. It was the fact that they wanted to be able to honesty say that their kid got in, and the kids were hurt with the rejection too.</p>
<p>I think this is likely to take care of itself. If he gets into the dream schools, great. If he doesn’t, I think you may be surprised by how quickly and enthusiastically he puts on that Dickinson/CC/Mac sweatshirt. If he liked them before, he’ll like them again, and like will often turn to love as soon as the match is finalized. The challenge now is simply to distract the whole family with other fun and interesting activities until you have all the envelopes.</p>
<p>Same thing with my son. He has been accepted to the honors programs with a 30,500 scholarship at Lafayette, Allegheny, Syracuse, and U. Delaware, but is anxiously awaiting to hear from Princeton, Penn and Swarthmore. I don’t think he has a great chance of getting in -but as I told him, if you don’t apply - you can’t get in. I agree that it all works out in the end.</p>
<p>I think it’s completely natural that students who applied to the ultra-reaches are a little obsessed right now. They’re smart enough to know there’s about a 90% chance they’ll be looking at lots of rejection letters next week. Even if they have other great options, no one likes to be rejected!</p>
<p>D has acceptances to her matches, now waiting for those dreaded reaches. She got into her favorite match schools, so is happy. But she feels like she will be letting people down if she doesn’t make it into her reach schools. Some well meaning friends and others have said something to the effect of “If anyone can make it to these schools, D can”. She’s feeling that pressure - we talked about this and I told her that she had done all she can - now just forget about it. Wouldn’t be surprised if she got accepted, wouldn’t be surprised if she got rejected. But I agree, the pressure is building up right now - hopefully once the results are all out next week, they can move on in whatever is the right direction for them.</p>