Duke Parents Thread

<p>Oi - haven’t logged in lately with classes starting… The disk is not important so…hope you saved money. Sorry for the delay!</p>

<p>garetville - thanks for letting me know! Your son was probably not in my first lab this week (Tue 8:30) because…well, it’s too painful to talk about. OK - not really that bad, but a Series of Unfortunate Events led to a less than perfect experience for the students. Not irredeemable, but still… At least I have, what, 14 weeks to make up for it?</p>

<p>Haha - he wasn’t in that lab but I did hear about it! I think your reputation is safe.</p>

<p>Ok, I give up. What happened? My son has that class at 10:30 and he didn’t say anything. He probably doesn’t even know…</p>

<p>my3gr8boyz - FYI, your PM inbox is full.</p>

<p>GreekMana - the 8:30-11:20 Tuesday lab during week 1 arrived to my lab only to be told we had no internet. I got to work at about 0630 (which is an extreme rarity for me) and discovered the problem. It took about an hour to get the system fixed once I got in touch with someone at the Office of Information Technology at 8:15 or so, and everyone was able to get done with what they needed to complete during the lab…but it is not how I ever want to introduce people to my class! The other 8 lab sections went…better :)</p>

<p>Does anyone know if Duke offers a constructive alternative to the standard spring break madness?</p>

<p>There’s typically at least one alternative spring break sponsored by the school. Last year they went to Peru: [Alternative</a> Breaks Program (ABP) | Duke Student Affairs](<a href=“Duke Student Affairs”>Duke Student Affairs).</p>

<p>In addition, I wouldn’t be surprised if many student organizations sponsored their own retreat-type things. I know that for Fall Break, the university is sponsoring a trip for ten women, annd the Center of Race Relations sponsors a freshman retreat called Common Ground.</p>

<p>Thanks so much. I was expecting that a school like Duke would offer some tempting alternatives - I’m happy to know my dd will have choices.</p>

<p>Hey DukeDoc,</p>

<p>Thanks so much for communicating with all the anxious parents on here! My son says you are the most amazing professor, knowing exactly what you want to teach and explaining it so incredibly well!! A selling point for Duke for us was knowing that every single engineer in the entire school would have your lab as their intro to engineering.</p>

<p>^ I really appreciate that! I hope your son is having a great start to his Duke career!</p>

<p>Received our personalized letter today. It made me smile :slight_smile:
" …studies have shown that very often the first person a student will contact when a paper is assigned is Mom or Dad ! " :smiley:
Have you gotten yours yet?</p>

<p>What is plagarism tutorial?did any of you get alcohol edu-2 details on email?</p>

<p>Family3-- both were sent to my duke email. AlcoholEdu pt 2 was sent on Monday, 9/9. The plagarism tutorial was sent yesterday morning. It’s a fairly brief exercise that sketches out different types of plagarism-- from outright copying to group project work to idea formation.</p>

<p>(I’m here. Alive. Enjoying opportunities on campus. Crashing when I get the rare chance. [And that’s about the level of detail my own parents get. q: ])</p>

<p>I did alcohol edu pt 1 and it was very interesting. I think Duke did a great job in helping the kids understand that they can have a plan and drink responsibly if they choose to drink. It also gave me an opening to talk about alcohol use with my daughter and ask her opinion of the material. When I asked her if she’d been to a frat party, and what it was like, she answered “You know that stereotypical party you see in the movies? It’s all true!” Oh boy!</p>

<p>I’ve been looking in here and so far haven’t posted much. Now that we are into week four?,we can see that things are getting a bit overwhelming on several counts. First big test in massive Econ class. Rigorous expectations in Honors Chemistry? Struggling with turning in that first writing paper late, 2nd one due without feedback on the first.The disappointment of identifying that there is a group with all the goals an objectives of mentoring and connecting that you hoped for at DUKE ( BOW) an realizing it seems extremely elite and only including a select group of young women. We were questioning about attending Parents weekend, when we realized she would be in class all Friday, but Thursday,the day before is her 18th birthday,we decided to leave a day early(long way) so we could take her out to dinner. She is so concerned about her study schedule,she is afraid to take two hours out on a Thursday for a birthday dinner. Somebody tell me where is she suppose to turn to for support, help, and guidance ?</p>

<p>My dd just took the first big test in the massive Econ class too. But she is not in business. My dd sounds a bit overwhelmed too, and I hope she is reaching out for help. I’m looking forward to seeing her parents’ weekend.</p>

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<p>I’d recommend having your daughter seek outside help and tutoring if the class seems overwhelming. Duke offers free peer tutoring for intro/interm Econ courses. [Academic</a> Resource Center](<a href=“http://duke.edu/arc/peer_tutoring/courses.php]Academic”>http://duke.edu/arc/peer_tutoring/courses.php)</p>

<p>The tutors actually get paid, but Duke picks up the bill. In addition to that, finding a study group of other students in the course and going through homework sets should help. There are also TAs and the professor holds office hours.</p>

<p>Most of all, note that feeling overwhelmed by coursework at Duke is a fairly normal thing. You learn how to manage your time, expectations, and work more productively as time goes on, but it’s possible that there will be a “new normal” and getting all As isn’t as easy as it was in high school. Duke is full of (high school) straight A students with sky high test scores, and unfortunately, not everybody can continue to receive top marks. The topics are much harder, the workload more demanding, and your peers are more prepared.</p>

<p>Your daughter should seek out additional help and also realize that she perhaps cannot attain the same exceptional level she achieved in relation to her peers in high school - the bar is just that much higher. That doesn’t mean that she’s a failure by any means. Just have to continue to chug along, work hard, do your best, and good things will happen. It can be a hit on self-esteem, but have to re-align expectations. While Duke is a great place with ample opportunities and resources, it can also be a cruel place at times. But there are a lot of people in the same boat.</p>

<p>Hope that helps - good luck!</p>

<p>^ RT. Readjustment of expectations has been uge for me, and it’s a long, slow, agonizing process.</p>

<p>See if she has time to talk to her advisor and RA-- right now, in the moment, being overwhelmed is really freakin’ difficult. There are moments everyday where I look at my upcoming assignments or my email inbox and absolutely lose it for a moment and then remember I have to pretend to be an adult.</p>

<p>Make sure she knows that she is not alone with the amount of rejection that has happened (with BOW or with whatever). I have been rejected from three really awesome campus orgs already that I though I loved and could see myself in, but I’ve also found new groups and places where I can receive support. The rejection gets kind of static after awhile; the common theme of both acceptances and rejections I’ve gotten is that this class is really, really competitive and the stakes for everything are more difficutl-- but it’s going to be okay.</p>

<p>Regarding writing, I cannot say enough about the writing studio. I received a B+ on my last essay (not at all horrible, especially for a first college paper) but it was disappointing because I knew it wasn’t my best writing personally, and I didn’t take that responsibility. I went to the Writing Studio last night and got some awesome feedback on my paper and the process and they are just amazing.</p>

<p>Encourage her to connect with her professors. I am in a FOCUS, but my other two classes are with upperclassmen and even a grad student or two, and what has helped me a lot are office hours. I make it a point to attend one for math regularly and then make appointments with other professors and drop in, and I’ve spoken with three of my four professors at least twice now in a one-on-one setting. It’s really made me a lot more confident in class and in tackling what I’m doing. In larger classes, take advantage of TAs. She shouldn’t be afraid of asking questions and ‘bothering’ professors-- for my math class (the other three are humanities-based), I make it a point to clear up all of my questions about the pset before its due; I’m rather aggressive about it, actually, and stay to get all my questions answered.</p>

<p>Remember to remind her that it’s going to be okay. It’s okay to struggle and to be frustrated and to be upset (I do that all the time), but remind her of the things she’s done right. When I get overwhelmed or stressed, I tend to focus a lot on things that are not going well at all, instead of focusing on things I’ve done well in the past day or week. There are times when I get upset that I do eat something sweet and just enjoy that-- no, it’s not healthy, but it’s amazing (for me) what a small bowl of Red Mango can do.</p>

<p>If she hasn’t already, have her connect with some type of EC that’s not school related. There are a whole bunch of awesome groups on campus, and campus programming is also pretty extensive. The Center for Multicultural Affairs does a weekly relax/mixer on Mondays, the Center for Sexual and Gender Diversity does a mixer on Fridays, and Devils After Dark on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights. For me, I actually enjoy working, even a couple of hours a week. It gives me a new place to focus where I actually can’t focus on school work and get to help with projects.</p>

<p>(Wow, that was a lot. I may ramble on a little more later, but there you go.)</p>

<p>@lavenderjade2
Please go early and take your D to celebrate her birthday. She doesn’t know it but that 2 hour break it what she needs, because that mental stress can and will take a physical toll on her. My D received her first B ever during her second year at Duke. However, she almost literally died in the process. During her first year, she went to class no matter what. Even when she was too sick to hold up head and had to go back to her room to lay down in between classes, she kept going. Let her know that it’s okay to make an occassional B. </p>

<p>In earlier posts, Purpleacorn and some others gave some great suggestions on finding support. Even though they think they’re now adults, somethings a hug from Mom/Dad is all our children need!</p>