My son was recently accepted ED to a school he (and we) were very excited about. The school has just announced that they are not returning for in person learning for the month of January (at least) and they are telling kids to “shelter in place” at home, or in their dorms. Furthermore this decision was made just a few days before the semester was to have started - probably just after the deadline for submitting spring tuition. Not only am I furious (even though my child isn’t even a student there yet), I am having PTSD symptoms (literally) because my son’s CA public high school was closed for almost 15 months. The school administrators damaged his mental health and destroyed his high school experience. My husband thinks I am overreacting (I probably am), but I am wondering whether this is a situation when you could break an ED agreement. I am now terrified of sending him to a school that so blatantly disregards the mental health and well being of its students. Please don’t tell me that this is for the “health and safety” of students because it is not. The school requires vaccinations and boosters for all, and they are young and would have been at very low risk even before they were vaccinated. I don’t imagine that there is anyone out there who thinks that breaking an ED agreement is allowable/ethical because the school administrators have now shown their complete disregard for student well being, but I am wondering if anyone has thoughts about this. And if anyone can say anything that just makes me feel less angry and panicked, I would appreciate it! I now hate the school where my son will be stuck for 4 years, even though a few weeks ago we were so excited.
You can’t break the ED agreement over this. And yes you are overreacting.
Well, many schools have made the same decision (and many have not). If you thought the administration of this school made good decisions in the past, you might consider that (for their particular circumstances) they are making a good decision now.
Personally I believe it is impossible to predict with any certainty what college life will look like in the Fall. Could be totally back to normal or could have a variant that doesn’t yet exist wreaking havoc.
Just know that the decision to go remote is probably very costly to the University, and is not made lightly.
I think it might be helpful for you to find a therapist as you are suffering from PTSD and the effects of the pandemic. I do think you are overreacting, but it isn’t surprising as you have PTSD. A good therapist would probably be the best thing you could invest in right now, for both you and your son after the last two years he has had as well (by your own words).
I wish you well.
I’m not going to comment on the ED situation because I think another way to look at this is to view your options if you’re concerned that the school will go remote at other points in time.
For example, your son could request a deferral from starting this fall if his ED school ends up staying remote the entire second semester. That would give you time to assess whether attending this school is in the best interests of your son.
I truly believe that the majority if not all of the colleges are going to try very hard to have in person classes and an “as close to normal as possible” college experience. They recognize it is not good for the mental health of their students to have zoom school. I think that any remote scheduling that is occurring this month is to allow omicron cases to subside before in person classes and general socializing of the students occurs.
You (and the rest of us) have no idea what will happen come fall. Many colleges are deferring the start date, requiring boosters, and/or going remote for a couple of weeks this month.
You also have a kid who must have loved this school…and got accepted ED…congratulations to him.
Reality check…he could back out of the ED agreement, but there is no guarantee that the next college he chooses will have full in person classes all the time either.
Here are a couple of threads for you to read…this college isn’t the only one.
My son is finishing his sophomore year at a university. So he was a 2020 graduate. The university did its best fall 2020 to be in person. In the end only first years had the option and most did not chose to go. He went and had some in person and some online classes with occasional quarantine changes and constant testing. Spring more students came and same process. This fall open to all. It started with the delta peak and most students with vax. If not vaxxed then weekly testing. All classes in person. The outcome was more Covid on campus than all of last year. They did not send home early like some northern schools with a later outbreak. We should be heading to campus now but a couple of weeks ago they announced the three week online start. Students that needed to come to campus can be there but online is all courses and services on campus are limited. Booster is required and flu shot at this point. He is here and preparing to start online next week for hopefully 3 weeks. Why? It’s simple - they tried to start at the height of delta and it caused a lot of cases including to faculty and disrupted the learning process with some quarantine classes and some cancelled. So with the peak of omicron they are trying to avoid that. He has to test before reporting. Then if no vax it will be weekly again. It simply is.
Students in 2020 were allowed to defer and take a gap year. They were given extended time to make the decision because things were up in the air. Same would be now. It doesn’t seem a reason to break an ED. Yes, some schools are making a different decision this time around but most are in the three week January plan. To break where he wants to go to a different school may not change the outcome for you.
I do not think you are overreacting at all!
Be your child’s advocate - even if it is a prestigious school, dream school or chance-of-a-lifetime school, it isn’t worth it if the students are not able to move freely on campus.
Hoping for a good outcome for you and your son.
I agree with you, and wish we had done some gap years. The question is if Covid was not issue would it still be where he wants to go. If you do back out of ED, are there schools he could still apply to, that he would want to attend.
Does the school have a LOA policy. ? I would say that if fall 2022 is still this bad, we, as a world , will have worse problems.
The parent is having a panic attack over this. What about the student? Seems to me…the student should be asked what he wants to do. And frankly, I wouldn’t do anything right now. Unless this kid is absolutely sure he doesn’t want to attend this ED school at all, and wants to apply elsewhere.
Like I said…right now…there are some restrictions being put in place at a lot of colleges.
I don’t think you are overreacting. Covid is here to stay. I can’t tell you to break the ED agreement, but I know what I’d do in this case.
Hi OP, I’m sorry you are having a super hard time with this…it is really hard on us and our kids.
That said, I think you should try to separate your feelings from your son’s plans and decisions. You’re right in the age of “letting go” with your senior son, and there will be more and more letting go as he heads off to college.
I’m sure he has feelings about it too. As it is his next four years, give him space to have his own reactions and feelings and develop his plans. I’m not sure I would use language such as “this school blatantly disregards the mental health and well being of its students” or or that you “hate the school” with him. It’s probably best not to talk to him about your panic/anger/disappointment at all, but rather see how he is feeling (or have your husband see how he is feeling).
I realize that as the parents you do have the buying power, and if you really will not pay for this school now, better figure it out quick. But there is no guarantee that any school won’t go remote, really…they do have to adhere to city and state orders, if we get to that point again.
Another parent of a 2020 HS grad here. My now-college sophomore had a class related trip cancelled less than 2 weeks before they were due to leave and a big career event with alumni held for sophomores every year is on the verge of going virtual, also with less than 2 weeks to go.
As hard as it is to deal with, we all have to understand that this is happening to ALL of us. This is not colleges choosing to abandon their mission or turning their back on annual events to spite our students. In many cases, this isn’t always about the students at all. Colleges have a responsibility to the communities that house them, to the hospitals that serve them. Opening the community at large up to thousands of “guests” when necessary services are in short supply is just trying to be responsible community members.
Rather than wigging out about what this might mean months from now, maybe take this moment to reinforce the sense of common good, of being a responsible community member. The college did not make this decision lightly, but with a lot of thought, care, and due diligence. Rather than being angry, maybe take a moment to appreciate the fact that you will be entrusting your child to this institution for the next 4 years, even if you don’t agree with everything they do.
I feel your pain. This is my concern too, and why I am not even considering any university with such current policies for S23. The sky is not falling at many universities. I tend to agree with this doctor from Hopkins.
Thank you for your response. I have not shared any of my strong feelings with my son (I did it in this forum instead). I don’t want my anxiety to color his expectations or experiences. I know he is disappointed that his school is going remote, but not panicked. I am sure he’ll end up at this school where he has been accepted, but I needed to vent and get some support.
You’re overreacting but you realize that. Please don’t allow your panic to color your son’s excitement.
Get used to being pissed off at your kids’ colleges😄. There will be all kinds of administrative actions you won’t necessarily love. Wait until the second year, when tuition goes up, and then the next year and the next. If you all did your research, you’ll have a good idea of the school and its administrators. As long as your kid is happy, learning, and you can afford it, it’s really not up to you decide if your child should leave because you don’t agree with something.
This isn’t surprising. I’m surprised more schools are going back to in person right away. What’s worse? Him being remote for a few weeks, maybe, in 8 months time, or him having to do this all over again and definitely not getting into the school he has been accepted to?
We parents need to remember: we are not the ones going to college. Be happy for your kid if he gets into a school he loves. Waiting to see what Covid does is an exercise in futility. I already have heard of a bunch of parents and/or their kids who regret letting their child take a gap year or whatever. We are going to be living with this and have to get used to the new normal.
Glad to hear that you are not venting to/near your son. It’s all very hard…we are dealing with the pandemic for our own lives, and then all of the angst and worry that comes with seeing what our kids are going through with it. I know CA seemed to have it extra tough, too (my D was a senior at a CA college so also was remote forever).
I’m sure it doesn’t feel like it at the moment but having the decision settled can be a great feeling. The application/waiting/decision stage is over! Bring on the senioritis! (Just kidding). Buy the sweatshirt! I hope your son and someday soon you can feel a bit of that excitement. The things you loved about the school must still be there. Hang in there.
I know more people who have gotten Covid in the past 6 weeks than I knew who got it during the entire pandemic up until 6 weeks ago. A lot more. It’s not surprising that some schools have decided to go remote, at least for January. The good news is, by the time the Fall 2022 semester starts, Omicron will be long gone. I think it is premature to panic over what may or may not happen next September.
The doctor that claimed, unequivocally, that we’d reach herd immunity by last April? Good luck with that.
Perhaps his crystal ball was broken that day. Doesn’t discount his concerns with covid policies.