DH and I decided to get married during a conversation. We started looking at possible dates then informed our parents at a dinner we we just happened to be having with them. When I told my kids this they looked at me like I was nuts. No one they knew got engaged that way. And when my older daughter got engaged recently there was an elaborate plan put in place by her fiancé which required travel on our parts ( wait…you want us to be there?) and a fancy party immediately after planned by the groom and his family with very close friends and relatives ( parents grandparents) . This definitely is the norm where we live. I see it all the time on my Facebook feed. How about in your parts?
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My brother planned an elaborate proposal 30 years ago. A ride around Central Park and a fancy dinner afterwards. Recently his younger son proposed to his finance at home with a simple brunch.
My son in law took D1 to NYC on one of the hottest day that summer so his best friend and D2 could decorate their apartment. The ending was good, but D1 was complaining all day.
Wonder what D2’s proposal will be like when the time comes.
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We talked about it, so I suppose I knew it was coming eventually, but there was a sweet proposal. And his parents and good friends of his parents (now friends for over 80 years) were sort of there. He did the proposal at the biltmore estate, and we (and in the Im-laws) stayed at the friends house nearby. But they while they all knew it was going to happen, they weren’t there when he proposed, just afterwards. I had no clue it was going to be then.
No party of anything afterwards. Only a few of older S’ friends have gotten engaged or married, and I haven’t heard of anything like a big party, but I probably wouldn’t know either. The ones who live in town, I would guess not. We are generally very simple people here
Both of my children are quite private. My daughter did not want an elaborate proposal (she was engaged 9 months ago). She was quite adamant with her fiancé.
Of all of my various young family members and quite a few are recently engaged, only one had an elaborate affair like you discussed. The others were very private.
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My h proposed on valentines day. He made an elaborate dinner at his apartment and the ring was resting on a rose petal. I knew it was coming as we had looked at rings months before just not the specifics.
My D would be mortified at anything that wasn’t private but that doesn’t seem to be the norm in our area either. Elaborate, orchestrated and recorded is definitely the norm.
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Yes many proposals seem elaborate these days, apparently fueled by social media. We see this all the time. The proposal is usually videotaped and put on Facebook and/or Instagram.
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Yes, it seems most I know of have involved friends and family all knowing ahead of time, someone is nearby capturing the proposal on camera and then there’s some sort of celebration- I’ve seen a few where both families have traveled out of town to make this all happen.
My H and I, it was just the two of us there.
It’s like the elaborate promposals.
I’m low under the radar and can’t imagine all that attention.
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Our son in law took our daughter on a balloon ride and out to a very nice brunch. Not sure exactly where he proposed, but it was a nice day for them!
He asked us for suggestions for nice brunch places which I thought was nice.
I think my H proposed to me on our front porch stoop? 
It was not really a surprise, more of a “finally”!!! My family was inside the house and didn’t know it was happening.
Only one of my three is married. Son planned his engagement to somewhat mimic how he asked his wife to prom (they started dating late senior year). The prom ask involved a quiet park, with a little valley area where he had tea lights lit and a sign asking her to prom. The proposal was after church one day with a stop at the same park for a walk. He had made a huge trifold board of mementos like concert tickets, pictures, napkins from memorable dinners, etc. he had saved. He had one of her sisters set the trifold up on a little table with flowers in the valley prior to their arrival. Her family and our family were instructed to hide at the end of the road near bushes to be not there but NEAR (we could hear her squeal when he pulled out the ring) so that we could all be together a few moments after. It was sweet.
Edited to add, it happened that we were all in the same town for that weekend - no one had to travel just for this event!
D1 has apparently told her BF of 5+ years that she would love for family to be around when it happens. So now every time we get together I’m like “will this be the time?!” 
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Like the OP, my husband and I decided to get married in a conversation and then told our parents - each set separately after we had signed a contract for a house. We planned the wedding quickly based upon when we would close on the house.
When the first of my friend’s kid got engaged a few years ago, I hadn’t yet known about this big engagement thing. They had the families (who traveled, siblings, parents, and grandparents) all waiting for the post proposal party at a fancy restaurant. Since then I have seen many of these (Facebook posts from my friends when their kids have gotten engaged). Entire families travelling to Hawaii for example for this, everybody knowing except the bride to be, all with huge set ups (decorated rooms, elaborate staging, etc.)
Frankly I think a proposal is a private agreement between two people and should not be a public spectacle. I don’t even think the bride’s parents should know in advance (not a fan of getting permission from them in advance to ask for their daughter’s hand in marriage).
I doubt my daughter would ever get engaged this way. Frankly, I think her wedding would most likely have the number of people that are at some of these proposals.
I am also seeing so many celebrations before the actual wedding - the elaborate proposal with a large group of people, a large engagement party with more people, a bridesmaid announcement party (with just the bridal party), a big bachelorette weekend away with a large group of people, a bridal shower (again with a big group), a bachelor party, and then the wedding. So much time and money wasted in my opinion.
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Yes when I’m taking “elaborate “ here I really mean that it involves others. I knew some people growing up whose fiancé’s did an elaborate “ ask” but no one else was there and there was no group celebration after. Btw I’m not talking about a later engagement party which those I know have in ADDITION to this, what I’d call , a “post proposal party.”
Our version of recorded in 1992. DH told me to walk over to a tree next to the mansion, so he could take my picture. That was so he could transfer the ring from his pocket. He took my picture (with an old cheap film camera) and then proposed. It’s a special picture, but definitely no videos like today!
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It seems like all previously intimate, more private moments are now to be shared immediately with others, and then to be downloaded somewhere on social media.
I must be getting older by the minute; I prefer quiet intimacy of moments not planned, carefully orchestrated “events”.
Prom proposals, gender reveals, elaborate engagement proposals, graduation photographers
and invitations and announcements via four page folded and mailed cards.
I am overloaded by it all.
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My daughter is having all of that except that bridesmaid announcement party called a”bridesmaid proposal” party here. Her friends are too scattered across the country. But she did make a “ bridesmaid proposal box” ( apparently also a “thing”) it was filled with a long note about their friendship, a hair tie ( help me “tie the knot”j silk pajamas which are to be worn when they get ready for the wedding, a luggage tag indicating where the wedding will be, a gold bracelet with the bridesmaid’s initials, a travel jewelry box, and a miniature bottle of champagne with a customized label “ from the vineyards of brides first initial grooms first initial” and “ established 2018. ( the year they started dating)
But for them it’s such a great pleasure ( my daughter had so much fun putting those boxes together) and to me you have to celebrate in life what you can so I don’t think of it as a waste at all)
Most of all, I think that our opinions, if we aren’t the engaged couple, don’t matter. Their engagement, their decision to make it private or not, simple or not, etc. Based on their personalities and their relationship. I can understand both situations - wanting privacy and wanting to make it a multi people celebration.
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“Wow” emoticon!!! In addition to expense, that’s a lot to prepare and organize!!!
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My D was the first of her friends to get engaged so I don’t know what the norm is. It does not surprise me now with people sharing (too much) of their lives on social media that proposals have gotten elaborate - I mean, I thought it was a little crazy when “promposals” became a thing.
My D was visiting her future in-laws with her fiancé. His sister is an amateur photographer who wants to start a photography business. The in-laws live near Mt. Rainier so he took D up in the mountains which were snow covered, under the guise of both sightseeing and having his sister take some nice photos of them as practice for her business. It was not elaborate and they were alone except for his sister, who took some amazing photos! The moment of the proposal was a surprise to D but they had talked about marriage. I’m glad they did not have an elaborate thing planned.
My sons are both fairly private and introverted so I could not see either of them being involved in some sort of elaborate proposal with family around. Hopefully future girlfriends won’t expect that!
H and I were living in Honolulu when we got engaged. We spent the week before moving back to the mainland vacationing on Maui. He caught me totally by surprise on our first night there. While taking a walk on the beach at sunset, he pulled out a ring and proposed. No elaborate thing with family around. However being sunset on the beach in Maui, there were other people in the vicinity who were also enjoying the sunset and we had several strangers congratulate us.
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Oh also the usual thing here is that the groom has already gone to the parents for a “blessing” and also provides them with the exact date and time. My younger daughter is horrified by the blessing part. “What is she chattel?” ( even though it wasn’t asking for permission) She said if anyone asks for our blessing to say no because she “ doesn’t want to marry anyone who would ask” . I thought knowing in advance was kind of bad because I felt like I was lying to my daughter at times…I mean I was ( she didn’t know we were traveling to her city so when she asked what we were doing that weekend which was a holiday weekend I totally made stuff up). Also because we had to plan travel I knew months in advance and it was very hard to keep a secret for that long! But wondering any time we were together if this was “it” would have been way worse.
Neither of my D’s had an elaborate proposal. D1’s husband did have a friend with advanced knowledge take a video.
D2’s husband took her on a romantic trip and proposed there with no one else present, no video. She said it was absolutely perfect and special.
Many friends of D2’s age have done the big public thing with party after.
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I see this stuff on social media and do have friends whose son proposed publicly with the whole family in attendance (and, yes, then proceeded to post it on social media). In all honesty, I’m not a fan. Is there nothing that isn’t staged for public consumption anymore?
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