True. 
(that it doesn’t matter what we all think or prefer. It’s up to the couple.)
(I am glad though that I’m not feeling pressure to do all that. So maybe my issue is bc of the creative energy and $ it could take to pull these more elaborate and more inclusive approaches.)
Yes @maya54 I assumed it was understood others were there. Party afterwards etc. Lots of crying and emotion and lots of videos.
My daughters don’t even want an engagement ring and see it from a historical point of view as the male claiming ownership of the female. I wonder if anyone does a mutual exchange of some sort?
The destination weddings and other events like proposals and engagement parties are getting out of control. It is hard to avoid offending extended family and relatives but only my son goes at this point, to represent our family. He loves to dance 
I feel as if our culture lacks rituals since people don’t go to church as much, and along with the influence of social media (and growing up with it), people are creating their own rituals which sort of keep expanding. I am glad if it makes people happy but I suspect there is also a lot of stress!
My son proposed in private in their apartment. Afterwards, they had a party in the community room of their building with about 20 or 25 of their friends(planned by son and one of his friends). So, no pictures of the proposal but they called us, very excited, before they went to the party. My daughter in law excitedly told us “I said yes!”
I felt this way 44 years ago when H and I got engaged. No asking my dad/parents anything. SIL didn’t do this when he proposed to D.
FWIW - H and I were engaged in a parking lot at a Wendy’s (long story). He happened to have the ring with him. It’s kind of a family joke now. D and SIL got engaged privately in Central Park (they lived in NYC at the time). D is not the type for a big elaborate thing.
D1 and her fiance got engaged last July at the top of Mammoth in the Sierra Mountains. He knew she would not want a big proposal with a bunch of people around so it was just him and their husky dog. It was perfect for her since she is an introvert. They face timed us afterwards from the top of the mountain. We did know that the proposal was coming as he came to tell H and I and D2 was the one that picked out the ring with him.
I try not to judge people too much that have to have their entire lives documented via social media. I think many things are over the top, but I just keep my mouth shut.
I’m hoping that a Wendy’s Frosty was also part of the equation… 
My husband proposed by putting the ring in a pint of Ben and Jerry’s, which we ate afterwards (not a huge surprise, we dated for 5 years, moved in together, booked the church and reception, and ordered the ring already).
My DH “proposed” sort of in my apartment not that long after we started dating just in conversation. So it became sort of expected, although the wedding was several years later (after grad school). While I didn’t really want a ring (cost and diamond mining issues), I sort of feel like I missed out on the experience of the down on one knee, and being asked.
From what I have seen, most have been not too over the top, but there has been a photographer (professional or friend) and family nearby to celebrate the occasion.
Two of my boys did “promposals” in a cute way. Neither is in a serious relationship so no discussion of actual proposals yet.
As @compmom said, there is a whole genre now of elaborate proposals, often filmed and done in cooperation with family and friends. Also flashdance proposals. They are on youtube and instagram.
I proposed to ShawWife on top of Half Dome in Yosemite. It was more of a conversation. I didn’t even have a ring. But, it was a pretty memorable spot and quite a bit of work to get there. ShawWife told me she didn’t want a ring, but she wanted a painting from her mentor, so I bought that instead.
He got the ring from my MIL. He bought a Codex (like in the Da Vinci Code) and gave DIL clues for the codes so she could get the ring. He engraved a wooden box with a drawing he had made of the two of them and put the Codex inside the box. ShawSon intended to propose formally to his now-wife in Hawaii, but they could not even get a rental car. So, he decided to try Half Dome, but there is now a lottery to climb up there (he has actually tried 15 times). When that didn’t work, he proposed to DIL on top of Yosemite Falls.
I don’t remember how my DH proposed. We were dating for three months when it happened. We will celebrate our 35th wedding anniversary soon. My DS took his now wife to their favorite upscale restaurant, had menus printed with the question and the restaurant staff was involved as well. He contacted her girlfriends before and they had after engagement drinks at the rooftop bar that day. It was not in our city so we were not part of it. After they got back we all as a family had a small party at our house.
Our proposal many years ago was private – H proposed in my apartment and we went to dinner at a favorite (small and charming) Italian restaurant in the area. We called our parents at some point but I don’t remember if it was before or after dinner LOL.
D’s proposal was also private although we knew it was coming. D and SIL went to dinner at a beautiful restaurant they had been to before for a couple of special occasions that was in walking distance of their apartment. The restaurant has a private garden which you apparently can reserve for a bit of time if you dine there. He proposed in the garden and then they celebrated with a lovely dinner. The difference was that SIL hired a photographer to capture the proposal and take a few photos afterwards – guess in this world of social media everyone likes to document life’s important moments. FWIW the photos were lovely and it seemed like a minimal intrusion on their special time.
A few of my friend’s kids have had the elaborate proposals/parties the OP described.
Two proposals have happened on my farm, which, it must be said, is not a showplace. Both women boarded horses there, and their fiancés to be knew how much the women loved their horses. One I was told of afterwards, and the other, the boyfriend enlisted my help to make sure the horse was groomed and looking as spiffy as possible. They did have a photographer, though it was just the two of them there.
No ring or proposal here either! We had a conversation and decided to get married. I’m not a fan of the big proposals but it seems to an expected thing now. I have seen Facebook updates of friends’ children, lavish affairs that involve fancy, decorated locales and clothes with a videographer recording all of it and a huge group of family and friend in attendance. It almost looks like an engagement or wedding party.
Then there are the simpler, more intimate occasions that I have blundered into often. There have been no less than 3-4 ‘ask’ occasions just in the last month.
One was at an isolated beach and we were among the clueless few being witness to a proposal. They had a cozy fire (in a fire-pit), a decorated hammock stand with a hammock for the girl to sit while her bf knelt in front, and candles or lanterns on sticks surrounding the little circle of friends, family and videographer. The proposal happened just as the sun vanished over the horizon (we were all there to watch the spectacular sunset). Of course, most of us didn’t know what was happening and they had chosen to stage the entire event near the walk back to the road so a lot of unwitting gatecrashers in their little ceremony.
Another proposal was after the Christmas Tree lighting in our town. After the lighting ceremony and speeches are over, most of us walk on a path around the tree to admire it from all angles. There was a proposal happening just as I reached the middle of this path. I was stopped by the videographer. The dog decided to photo bomb and so did two grumpy older men, who were behind me and in a rush to get to their cars.
The most recent ‘ask’ was at our favorite local Italian place. The engaged couple was having dinner with a girlfriend of the fiancée and she was being asked to be a bridesmaid. There was a formal question with a gift. We were sitting at the table right next to them so we were privy to a lot of unwanted information. The only odd thing that stood out to me was that at the end, they split the bill for dinner, the girlfriend had to pay her own meal. But what do I know - maybe that’s the norm!
I have no issues with the proposals but I just wish I wouldn’t happen upon them so frequently! But, as I tell my D, I’m information gathering for her. Although, I’m not sure what she would like and it’s unlikely to involve family! Same for my S, I think, as he is not a huge fan of elaborate ceremony.
Are the asking spouses actually kneeling?
Yes. My son did
This was more than 30 years ago. My girlfriend and I were together at my home (a normal weekend at the time) and we were watching a movie. At the end of the movie I asked her to marry me. We were married perhaps 6 or 8 months later. No travel, no kneeling, I did not yet have a ring. No parents or friends were there at the time.
One thing about the ring: This is something that bride, or optionally the bride and the groom are going to be wearing hopefully for the rest of their lives. In terms of an engagement ring for the bride, this should be something that she is comfortable wearing for the rest of her life. My wife played a major role in picking out the ring that she was going to be wearing.
One thing that I have wondered about with these public proposals, What if she says no? Proposing in pubic would seem to put a lot of pressure on everyone involved. To me the wedding should be public, the proposal should not.
Or maybe everyone should just do whatever feels right to them.
S1 and GF exchanged engagement rings. Celtic knot-like with a gemstone. No diamonds.
S2 and GF have been discussing marriage for a while, and she hinted that the holidays might be a good time to make it official. S said he had already bought a ring. Engagement rings are not a big thing in eastern Europe, and the ones that are tend to be fairly modest.
They went out to the big plaza in front of the National Opera House in Lviv a couple times over the holidays (they live nearby), and on NYE, S suggested they go out there because there was a nice crowd and music. Atmosphere felt a bit more normal than usual. He popped the ring in his pocket, went out there and proposed. Didn’t get down on his knee. He said there was an Austrian news crew filming nearby, but declined their offer to shoot. They didn’t want it going viral. They celebrated at the bomb shelter/bar/source of emergency generator in the basement of their apartment building, and called us the next day.
With H and me, we had gone to Boston to see if transferring to UMass for a technical writing program made sense. After the visit, we went to a Chinese restaurant on Harvard Square and discussed next steps (I would lose almost half my credits, it was expensive and not what I’d hoped). H said, “Well, we could always get married.” So we did! I moved to Phila, transferred to school there, and got married nine months later. No engagement ring (no $$).
(Opera House in Lviv)
I was a senior in college. I picked up her ring on Saturday. It was burning a hole in my pocket and I was afraid I was going to lose it. It was a Tuesday night and I went for a walk on campus with my now wife. We went to a secluded area and I got down on one knee and popped the question.
We went back to her room to tell her roommates. Ironically one of them had a bottle of bubbly.
I am not a fan of huge elaborate proposals that involve other people or gender reveal parties.
I remember my husband’s best friend buying a very simple engagement ring for his girlfriend even though he could afford more, believing she’d rather have a simple ring. A few months later I noticed a much flashier one on her finger. We picked out my setting together.
Yes. My daughters fiancé did. Captured perfectly by the photograph he hired who was hiding.
