My S landed and we picked him up on Easter. He said off-handedly, “Oh, by the way, I’m engaged.”. We were like, “What?!?!”. It seems he got down on 1 knee at 5:30 in the morning, before flying out of DC and proposed to long-time GF with a ring she had helped select. After he flew back from HI, a week later, they went to Big Sur for her bday, stayed at a lovely place and had a romantic celebration.
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From the ones I know of there was no chance she’d say no. Most of the brides to be were like “ tick tock buddy, ask soon”. And everyone that I’m aware of involved the couple “looking at” rings together before the proposal and the bride to be making her likes known. Then leaving it the groom to be to make the final choice. One very conventional couple ( other than that they were both women) I know followed the same pattern with the one who was doing the asking going to the other’s parents for a blessing and purchasing the rings after the askee made her desires known. They had a big family and friends post proposal party that the asker had arranged. They had a big wedding with both in ball gowns and veils.
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So here’s my long story…
My wife and I were living in Manhattan. It was the one year anniversary of our first date and we decided to book a special dinner at the Rainbow Room at Rockefeller Center. She’s a big ballroom dancer and the RR was one of the few spots in Manhattan where you could have that with dinner. Once that was done, it occurred to me that it would be the perfect opportunity to propose.
The guy who owned the Rainbow Room was on the board of one of my clients, so I called his secretary to say that we had a reservation for this date and could you please make sure that we got a nice table because I was going to propose. I must not have worded my request well, because she came away with the impression that I was going to propose right there in the Rainbow Room. My wife would have killed me if I did that, so I actually proposed riding in the limo on the way there, hoping that she would say yes and that we would have a nice celebration.
Anyway, we get to the Rainbow Room, get a great table, sit down and order drinks and our meal. After the first course, my wife gets up to go to the ladies room and the Maitre D’ rushes over to me to say that he’s been watching and waiting for me to get down on one knee and propose because he’s got the photographer and champagne (courtesy of the owner) all ready to go as soon as I did. Apparently the secretary had gone the extra mile and arranged all of this. He was heartbroken when I told him that I already had proposed on the way there. Still got the champagne and our picture taken (one of our favorites 25+ years later) and had a fabulous evening, but I felt bad for everyone who was waiting for “the moment” that they never saw.
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This was over 30 years ago when I was an associate at an IB. A friend/colleague planned his proposal in Bermuda. Both of them divers, so while they were diving he pretended he found something and it was a diamond ring. She didn’t get it at first, but when she realized what was going on she was quite mad. She yelled at him “what if the ring got buried in the sand?!!”
People think elaborate proposals are new, and I think they have been around for a while. It’s just we didn’t have social medias back then.
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The most elaborate proposal was to a college friend who went to a Major League Baseball game with boyfriend and his family. At one point, a plane flew over with message “Jane, will you marry me?” She felt compelled to say yes even though she had no intention of marrying him. Broke up later.
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I honestly don’t remember a formal proposal. We just decided to get married, and set a date. I didn’t get a ring.
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My friend was out to dinner with the guy she was dating. She was looking at the menu (that he had had printed up beforehand with cooperation from the restaurant) and noticed it said “__________, I love you. Will you marry me?” She looked up in surprise to see the waiter and other staff standing at the table with a bottle of champagne and big smiles on their faces. She was mortified because she was not in love with the guy and had no idea that he would do this. She said yes to spare him embarrassment, but later that night broke it to him that they were nowhere near this stage in their relationship. It fizzled out very quickly after that.
I remember having a conversation with S after watching Gilmore Girls and the proposal that went wrong there. S just chuckled - said with most of his friends he knew, both parties were on board, knew that the proposal was coming. He thought no one would do something so stupid as to propose without the couple having discussed it beforehand!
Friends’ son proposed in Hawaii on a hike. I think he pretended to setup the tripod for a picture of the two of them and then actually ended up taking a picture of him proposing. Very apt for this couple. A couple of others I know of had friends “hidden” somewhere nearby to capture the moment on camera - but nothing too crazy.
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I don’t know of anyone who did something super public or over the top. I do know some people who had friends or family nearby or who took the picture. But nothing super fancy…
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30+ years ago, H reserved the private room at a restaurant we liked, got down on one knee and asked me to marry him and gave me roses and a fake diamond ring so we could go and buy my forever engagement ring together. It was just the two of us and lovely.
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Stories like that make the ring shopping before the proposal (which all my daughters friends did) make a lot more sense.
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I took the leap of faith and had my wife’s ring made without shopping beforehand. Knew which stone she favored from other jewelry (emerald), so it wasn’t too hard make something classic starting with an emerald cut emerald. I knew the jeweler would scrap it all and start over if she didn’t like, but I did a good job and it added to the element of surprise.
I know of a couple where he surprised her with a proposal on the summit of Mt. Kilimanjaro.
She was so oxygen deprived she wasn’t quite sure what was going on.
In the videos they do. Also, the prospective groom calls the future FOB to ask his permission, which seems totally archaic.
My SIL called to ask for our blessing before he and D formally got engaged. It was really a courtesy as he knew we think he and D are a great match.
FWIW D told us in advance that he was going call - and she made it clear he would be asking for our blessing but NOT our permission. As a self-sufficient adult D did not feel she needed our permission to marry the man she loves.
It was a happy and sweet call.
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It is nice that you could be happy with him. Nice that you had advance notice. It could have been awkward if you didn’t think it was a great match. And, I agree: your adult D does not need your permission.
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Yes but does the female call the male’s family for permission or a blessing?
For fun I just researched the history of the kneeling. I already knew a little about this history of engagement rings (the ring originally had to show the groom’s ability to support so was supposed to be expensive). The history of the kneel is murky though. Courtly love or showing a surrender? Why Do Guys Kneel To Propose? The History Of The Modern, Western Proposal (bustle.com)
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My son asked his FIL for permission. His FIL was so emotional he teared up. It’s a nice tradition that shows respect to the parents. I hope our future SIL will follow this tradition.
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