I mean, social media probably gives you a bigger audience and yes, you can make the occasion more grand but for decades engagements have been “announced” in different ways. And I’m not going to be any less excited for someone who posts a couple of pics on FB or whatever honoring the occasion.
I grew up in a small-mid sized town in the Midwest. Engagements were announced in the local paper. We were NOT anything more than middle class in the truest sense. It’s what everyone did. I remember having to find a photographer to take my engagement picture and dressing up in a blazer ( ) to get my pic taken.
People used to send out announcements through the mail. Prior to engagement young women in upper social circles having coming out parties (or whatever they were called to say that “my daughter is ready to date!”). I mean, talk about over the top!
There has always been quieter celebrations and more over the top celebrations - all based on the resources we have socially. Now with social media there are more resources, everyone and their brother has a photography business, more people get reached in a quicker way by posting in Insta or whatever. It’s sort of all relative - but all celebrated!
As for it being a “family” vacation , isn’t the point that he’s gonna be family?” But I guess people who vacation with their parents without their live in partners have ideas about “family”that I don’t get. In any event, Wouldn’t the GF’s parents be able to say if it would be an issue for the sister? I would hope so. I assume the sister will know well in advance of the trip though . So if she’s at the point she’s anxiously waiting for her own engagement it could definitely put the sister in a bad mood for the entire trip, not just the last few days.
i guess my confusion is in the scale of arrangements for what is essentially a non binding
promise. If the ask rises to the level of an event other people need to attend, what is the wedding like, and more relevant, the marriage? I am old and cranky, I guess Not everything in life can be a huge public display and spotlight. (Go ahead and ask me about baby reveals!!)
And yes, happy events are worth celebrating, I know, I know.
I would just hope that whatever the “proposal” is that it reflects the personality and desire of both people in the couple. Showy people, showy proposal. Social people, social forward proposal. Private people, private proposal. Family included, family forward couple.
Not a one size fits all. Just hope it fits the couple!
I really believe the parents would say not a bold idea if they thought it might cause the sister to be in a bad mood, or feel jealous, or whatever. I didn’t think of that. Good point. Better yet for the sister to know.
Maybe I can help explain the thought process of vacationing without significant others, as we do it too. I believe her parents and we are of the similar thought process, and the kids onboard, so all is good.
These are for more expensive vacations, also. There is going to be a very finite time that it will just be our nuclear family, and the kids know it, too. We don’t do apartments and Airbnb, so it would just be too expensive for 3 rooms. But the main thing is just this chapter is coming to an end and the added person(s) changes the dynamics. I think both kids, and both sets of parents need to be like-minded or I could see where there is hurt feelings.
Shorter getaways, everyone is invited…both sides. We did rent a Florida condo a year ago and invited the GF and were going to get enough rooms, but she was going on a family vacation with hers to Boston! LO.l!
I think nuclear family vacations are great if everyone agrees.
Once our kids graduated college and had jobs with limited vacation days, they wanted to spend those days with their significant other. Not us. If your children are happy doing that, then I’m jealous.
This thread makes me worry. My daughters would not be comfortable with a proposal, no matter how it happens. It would need to be a conversation resulting in mutual agreement. It seems the majority of potential spouses might expect this kind of thing.
From what I know NONE of these elaborate “asks” happened without that sort of conversation already occurring. The couple had already looked at engagement rings and the bride to be expressing her general wishes as to the ring and the nature of the proposal (e.g, in public, in private, photog there or not). The brides I know of wanted the exact time and place of the “ask” to be a surprise.
Yes I understood that. My kids would however reject anyone who wanted a proposal, or a one-way ring involved, let alone the guy asking for a blessing. I really think they will have a hard time finding like-minded partners after reading this thread.
I just can’t imagine excluding a live in partner. It surprises me that anyone would want to spend a vacation with their parents and siblings alone after making that kind of commitment to another person. But everyone is different and I know not everyone feels that way. My daughter was shocked when someone she was dating’s parents were upset that his sisters live in boyfriend would be coming home with her for the holidays. They felt this “ ruined” their “family time”.
I do know some couples who were not into the public ritual at all. And one that exchanged “engagement bracelets” …a leather woven thing and didn’t ask or even tell the parents til it was done. In my area this appears to be the minority and thus not the “norm”. But all who were found like minded partners.
We had already talked about it, with unconventional ring ideas. It was not a big surprise to our families and friends. Even then, we had a private engagement alone, after a nice dinner, in the mountains at the place of our first kiss. It was romantic and perfect for both of us.
We also didn’t do big pregnancy announcements or gender reveals, nor do we like being the center of attention at showers and the like. I think most partners understand each other and self-select for the proper venue.
D and I witnessed a similar proposal on top of Mt Whitney last August. Don’t know if it was a surprise but both of them were clearly exhausted by the time they got to the top, as they didn’t look like super experienced hikers. No professional photographer, but I think random people sitting around offered to share their pictures of the event.
I’m guessing you’d see proposals up there pretty frequently during the summer.
I certainly understand that the dynamic change. I guess the difference to me is that, for me, living together means it IS at an end. Not just coming to an end. A commitment has been made, even if its short of marriage. But if you don’t view at that way then not including someone makes more sense.
No one I know does gender reveals. And no baby showers. Culturally, we do not even buy baby stuff until the baby is home from the hospital. (There are stores here that cater to us and you shop ahead of time, but nothing is actually delivered til the baby comes.)
Spouse has catered multiple gender reveals where she knew about the baby before the parents. They delivered a sealed envelope from the doctor and she provided cupcakes with a blue or pink filling as appropriate. Everyone then bit into a cupcake at the same moment to find out.
Definitely a better choice than colored fireworks that start a wildfire!
We had a conversation at a restaurant. H said later he hadn’t even planned for it to happen that day. Was “well, we could get married” as we were discussing my transfer options. I don’t remember him actually popping the actual question!
) to get my pic taken.
Not everything in life can be a huge public display and spotlight. (Go ahead and ask me about baby reveals!!)