@laenen I know its possible and my oldest has a second account on gmail. It comes to my phone as well. I rarely look at the second account and almost never read the email in his first account but I will scan the subject line from time to time. We all have the same passwords on our phones so I can access them if I need to. When he gets to high school he can have a little more freedom but for now, I monitor everything.
Well, Ma and Me mom, it’s certainly not a bad sign! Good luck!
@CLNMOM: I was not chastising you. I totally understand. In fact, I started “The Worry Thread” a couple of years ago but won’t link to it for fear of getting chastised for resurrecting old threads. 
I was just hoping to calm some fears. I know, easier said than done.
As for “peering,” hubby and I have been in IT since we got out of college. My FBI brother posed as a 14-year-old on the Internet for many years of his career. We know what goes on but still would never invade our son’s privacy at any age partly because we know we’d only be looking at those “straw horse” accounts. He’s learned from the best.
For future applicants, my suggestion is to set up a new email account specifically for the application process where both child and parents have access.
For those of you monitoring your children’s emails and online presence, what’s you plan for next year when your child is off at boarding school??
I feel pretty good that I’m not invading my child’s privacy. I’m around college kids and IT all day – ever try YikYak??
Yes, @doschicos that’s really what that account is for. She has a separate school one for which I don’t have access.
Well aware of the time suck and disgrace that is YikYak. My kids could give you a discourse on why it is an abomination and why they and their friends will never be on it (or Tinder). Not all high school and college kids are enamored of the dregs of social media just like not everyone reads People magazine or watches the Kardashians. 
The Yak is the main line of communication at West Point. It’s where the new female commandant learned she’s referred to as “The Momandant,” as in “My Mom is still telling me how to dress everyday.”
It’s how I find out what I need to fix at my place. Somewhat useful once I muddle through all the inappropriate stuff.
TO add to @Choatiemom’s comment: Remember that many, many, many qualified kids apply every year. There is no way that schools can take everyone who applies…even if their statistics match the ideal. The schools are tasked with “crafting” a whole class and, as such, will be forced to choose between candidates that may appear closely matched. Something will have to decide which one to take: it could be a boy vs. girl thing, an athlete vs. artist, a geographic location, financial aid requirements vs. budget, a shining personality… anything.
I mention this because some of you will be disappointed on M10 (or, conversely, will be rejoicing on M10). Just remember that being accepted (or not) to any school is not totally a reflection on your child. There is more to the process. If you are not successful, TRY AGAIN. If you are not? Then try to be mindful of the feelings of those who did not have the outcome they hoped for.
For now: go relax. Have that glass of wine, or go for that run. There is nothing at all that can be done at this point. Except, of course, wait. Good luck to you all.
We also “monitor/peer” whatever you want to call it. Personally, I don’t ascribe to the invasion of their “privacy” argument, but I know many do. Our DC knows we look (and yes, they can create other accounts that you never know about, but to me that is not a reason to not to do it), but we feel as parents that we should at least try to see what is going on (and I have been personally amazed at some of the stuff we have seen over the years)…We still have a middle school student so I think that has a lot to do with our approach, as DC ages, we’ll do what we feel is appropriate.
It is the policy of this administration that the only passwords in use have been assigned by us, and that there should be no expectation of privacy on any medium other than the phone. We can access all the emails. But I think very few kids use email. It is to them what snail mail is to us. They text. We may look at them randomly, and on one occasion suspended priveleges for a day based on content. We also collect all electronics at bedtime, to make tsure they actually go to bed.
Our kid’s schools tell parents they expect periodic monitoring. So that gets us off the hook for the decision, if you will. It’s a a tricky one … kids can get around whatever you put in place. But, like most parenting, you just try to make the bad things harder to do and the good things easier to do!
@6teenSearch – agree! Much better said than me
“Our DC knows we look” I think this is an important distinction.
“We may look at them randomly, and on one occasion suspended priveleges for a day based on content.”
“… kids can get around whatever you put in place.”
Not judging but just curious about different parenting styles. It’s always challenging to me to find the right balance. By punishing them aren’t you worried about sending them “underground” and thereby closing off open lines of communication and honesty?
And it still begs the question, what about next year at boarding school? Will you go cold turkey or are you going to put some kind of tracking software on their devices?
Dos,
We will go cold turkey when they are all in HS, whether DS or BS.
Kids can always work around it, as I said.
My kids’ schools’ policy is they ask parents to monitor occasionally. We saw something we thought was very inappropriate, instigated by another kid, that our kid responded to (our youngest as it happens, not the DC under discussion). I thought it apropos to communicate how seriously we take this by taking the phone for a day.
My parenting view is try to make the unwanted behaviors harder/less pleasant/ frought with risk, and the wanted behaviors easier. Hopefully on the margin you get more of the latter and less of the former.
I would feel good about the call. It lets you know DC is not rejected. Probably still on the bubble as others have said and AO is seeking info to advocate. Since FCs grades are not absoltuely stellar, you want every other thing in your favor. One of those factors is will you accept if offered admission?, because yield matters a lot and they wont want to offer and risk being turned down if there isnt as much potential gain for them.
DD knows that I have been looking them. She is given right to change it and has changed some of her accounts already. When she deems necessary, she will change password for the remaining accounts.
What I found more important than monitoring online account is monitoring the person with lots of frequent conversation. If anything bad happens online that will affect on her emotional well being, I believe I will notice. She has so far often shared me what upsets her online - a certain politician with reality TV and real estate background.
@laenen Flip side to the 11 year old with the second online profile. I set up a fake profile when my oldest was a smart*** in early high school and friend requested her. She accepted. Made my point. I could have been anyone.
A 13 year old girl snuck out of her family home to meet up with a friend she made on the internet a few weeks ago in the town where my son goes to college. She turned up dead a few days later. The relationship had been groomed online.
Kids from “good” families at our HS have been sexting one another. We are in an upper middle class area, families well educated and well off. The sexting is rampant. Parents had no idea. The kids are no smarter in HS than they are in MS.
Being on the internet is not the same as writing in a diary. Would you let your kid be in their bedroom with a “friend” of the opposite sex with the door locked or when you were not home? Would you let them in to a smoke shop or a porn shop or a heroin den? The deep web is a whole other level of danger most of us don’t even have experience with. The internet has introduced a level of danger society has not encountered before and we have to help our kids learn to make good decisions as they navigate it. It is not a place to be hands off. Ask your local police.
Even college kids are still lacking good decision making-Parents we know have discovered their kids at college ordering pot smoking supplies and purchasing fake IDs through continued email monitoring. Kids don’t realize those are felonies.
@SculptorDad Clearly, I would have been better off not getting caught up on the thread as I have strong opinions (based on experiences) of my own,
I raise my kids as luddites. No cell phones in middle school helped a lot.
Back to topic, @MAandMEmom I think that your response to the coach’s inquiry was a good response.
Thank you for the comments regarding the email DD received. We know that nothing is certain until M10 for sure.
On the other topic search “deep web infographic” and see the types of stuff going on. There’s a whole network (tor) where users can hide their identity where it’s super difficult to trace. It’s a scary world today’s kids must navigate.