We did sign up for Meetups and picked some that sounded interesting- archeology, indian ruins ,and hiking. Not been able to commit to it yet due to H’s father very ill out of state. Nature and outdoors are a religion here. Did try the local astronomy club meeting and it was the most boring thing I ever went to. Did try the jewelry art group and they were nice but a little too sedate. Did also sign up for a habitat build out of town in May- excited about that -H has done one but I have not. We did try various churches in the past but they are very small here- like UU and just not much happening. We workout at home.
I would love to get a dog to walk and we are talking about it- frankly for too long. I like the idea of having people over for dinner as H is an excellent cook. We did that in the past and we talked about it again. 2 questions- do you prefer to go to dinners at someone’s just you and a partner ( or by yourself ) or do you feel better with 8 people or 20, etc? Is it too much pressure by yourself? I’m thinking more the better mix but H thinks that you don’t get to know them very well.
Lizardly mentioned a Bookclub. I run the city one, and attend a local neighborhood one. I meet nice people. The gym is also good, but takes time. This year, my gym buddies are taking me out for dinner on my b/d, after class.
Bookclub is an interesting idea. Keeping that in mind.
Since moving cross-country, we joined a Meetup group for Baby Boomers, and a synagogue. So far they represent all of our social activity and nothing has progressed outside the group activities. Once we get more comfortable with some of the individuals we may try initiating some non-group invitations. It seems to be a slow progress. There are other Meetups that would be interesting except they’re for older singles.
Our plans were sidelined right after we moved because my mother passed away unexpectedly, but we’re slowly getting back on track. I’m just now starting to look at classes for older folks, both through a local community college, and another non profit group. DH joined an over-55 basketball league at the local Jewish Community Center. I tried their Tai Chi class but everyone was at least 10 years older than me and mostly more than that.
That being said, since moving we have had considerably more social action that we did in our old upscale family suburb, where were not the correct demographic anymore. In fact, we had virtually no social life there which was one of my reasons for moving. So developing friends is very important to me.
So, is it more fun/comfortable to be invited to someones home in a very small group (4) or
bigger group (8-12 or more) for dinner?
Right now we have cats, but I’ve told my husband that we might need to get a cute dog when we retire. It would be a conversation starter, and something to have in common with other dog owners. I like to travel though, so I’m not sure I will really get a dog.
That travel thing is also our issue. We have a cat and we would have to board her or pay for pet home visits which might be good for watching the home also.
I agree with the dog suggestions. We made friends in the neighborhood through our dog and now we exchange dog sitting duties with another couple that travels a lot. It saves money and the dogs are happy. Many communities now have neighborhood Facebook groups which is another good way to meet people. It’s also a way to find out right away who you don’t have anything in common with, as people can be remarkably outspoken on the Internet.
I volunteer. I’ve met some terrific friends that way. In addition, I have worke part time…another way to make friends.
Like VH, I have a rather wide circle of friends.
Former work colleagues who I see at least once a month for an outing of some kind.
Parents of the kids who went to school with mine.
Two different sets of women who I used to work with…friends with the women and their husbands.
Four couples,we have known since we moved here. These are our closest friends, and we see them at least six or,seven times a year.
A few CC friends who I get together with every so often.
I’m a friendly and outgoing sort…
Answering the dinner party question, I think a group of 6-8 is best. Tends to lead to the most interesting conversations and there is less chance that the conversation will lag, but the group is still small enough for a general conversation at the table. Any more than eight people usually means that people will have smaller group conversations.
I think it is nice to know ahead of time how many people will be there and even a little about the other guests.
But that’s just a slight preference. Dinner for four is nice, too. It is nice to say “It will just be the four of us” ahead of time.
The best way to make new friends is (1) develop a broad circle of acquaintances through the methods suggested in this thread already; and then (2) take the huge risk of issuing invitations to do stuff outside the group or venue in which you met.
The second part is the most difficult. You need to be prepared for rejection because many people are not looking for more opportunities to socialize or are not looking for new friends.
Best way is to try and feel out the waters ahead of time before issuing a concrete invitation. Say something like, “We should get lunch someday” and gauge the reaction. If you get a positive response with true enthusiasm, then issue an actual invitation next time you see the person. A tepid “that would be nice” in response to the opening “we should get together sometime” should be taken as a no.
Once you develop a deeper relationship with 2 or 3 of the acquaintances, you can broaden your circle by starting a club – a book club, a cooking club, a wine club, even an outing club. Each person should be invited to propose 2 or three new mwmbers. Having a regular monthly date on the calendar is very conducive to friendships forming. (But to really be friends with the new members, you really have to invite them for something outside the group. I don’t know exactly why but thatvis very important!)
Book clubs are great - one I belong to is sponsored by a local church as part of their community outreach (most of us are not church members)
Visit your local library and see what activities/events they offer - some have knitting circles, book groups, movies, etc. Even better - offer to volunteer at the library.
Join an exercise class (not just join a gym) - these have better regular attendees. I have a circle of friends from my aerobics class (been going to 18 years!)
Join an active community group - in my town the emergency management-EMT-emergency response groups are very active.
I do agree that it is easier to make friends when your kids are little (school activities/events/volunteering introduces you to so many other parents). I also feel very disconnected from these other moms now that my daughter is almost out of college - many have moved away or gone back to work full-time - others just don’t share my interests (our only common interest was the kids/schools)
Well, if you are old enough - join the community senior center - they typically have lots of activities.
Not sure if anyone has mentioned college alumni groups but that seems like a good place to meet friends. I’m always getting invites to events from mine (but I never go).
There is a group of women lawyers in my community who have started the most wonderful tradition. There are five or six of them and every year they host a giant cocktail party and invite women lawyers from all over town with whom they have only loose ties. To give you an example of how loose the ties are, I got on the list through a woman who clerked for the same judge I did a year after me (20 years ago), and whom I know primarily through law clerk reunions held by our judge. (I may have also gotten on the list because anotherone of the hostesses was an associate at my old law firm 15 years ago.) So the list is pretty expansive!
The most amazing thing about these parties is to find out just how broad and deep the intersecting web of acquaintances goes – I find I know the majority of attendees through one way or another. Through these parties, I’ve reconnected with many ftiends and acquaintances and have made new ties. There’s a strict “no networking” rule at these parties; it is supposed to be about socializing only. I think it takes a lot of guts for these women to reach out and invite people they don’t even know that well, but they’ve really made a difference in our community.
The lesson I’d take from this is that if there is any group of people with whom you have a common ground, it is worth trying to get people together for a reunion or other gathering. If you volunteer for a project, and the project comes to an rnd, invite the participants to an informal gathering at your home, for example. If you continue for a few years with an organization, keep the alumni on your party list, etc. Easier said than done, I know!
My mom (in her 80s) made friends from the free exercise class at the shopping mall. They have been friends for years now.
" I like the idea of having people over for dinner as H is an excellent cook."
Hey, if you have moved to the Seattle area and want people to come over for dinner, we’re there! In fact, you are welcome to come over, though I must warn you about my lack of cooking and cleaning skills. 
Though I’m kind of anti-social, I know I need to bring more social interaction into my life. I have plenty of people I can socialize with, but it exhausts me, so I don’t do it that much. My husband, however, is very social. If someone needs help, a truck, physical labor, whatever, we will happily help (especially if beer is provided). 
And that stands for anyone in the Seattle area.
I think the first time it would be more comfortable to be invited as part of a larger group. There is more potential for conversation and more chances to hit it off with someone.
We are still living where we raised our kids, having just become empty nesters. What I see happening is that other folks are starting to move away. Two couples moved this past year, and one of my very close friends is selling her home and moving out of town. Even though she will still be close enough to get together, our regular “girls nights” will be more challenging.
I have a nice circle of friends, but not a clsely integrated friend group like some have that get together regularly. I have friends from a moms group back when my oldest was a baby, the neighborhood, and my kids’ friends’ parents. But feel like more and more folks will be moving away (very high cost of living here) so trying to expand my horizons a bit.
It seems that the neighborhood you move to when retiring can make a difference. Moving to a newly build community and/or a 55+ community seems to offer a lot of opportunities to get involved and make new friends. I remember how lonely I felt moving to a suburban street in our early 30s with no kids and how hard it was to make friends. I worry that moving as a retiree would present a similar challenge.
A book group is great, although you would have to push a bit to move beyond the monthly meeting into the friendship zone. I have not had any luck with making friends at the gym, beyond the class time. I recently joined an art class, but don’t think I will make friends there.
Greenbutton: If I were you, I would maybe say to one of the group members, I saw on FB that (or I heard you talking about going) you went to xyz place. Let me know next time you do something like that, I (or husband and I) would love to join you. You can check out her reaction. Or, if you don’t want to out yourself as checking social media, issue a broad invite to the same place or something similar. That way you can figure out if it was that they didn’t think you were interested, or if they have their group and are not looking to expand it. I always figure (and have told my kids) that if I am bored on a Saturday night probably somebody else I know is as well. These meetups seem like a good way to meet people, but probably have to try a few before you get to the right one.
I still remember being at a gymboree class with my middle son and listening to women making plans to go to the park or to lunch and definitely excluding me. It was not a good feeling. OTOH, I have a small group from within my book group that have become good friends and we do things that do not include the others (but we don’t make plans in front of them!).
As for the dinner party, I think inviting 3 couples so there are 8 all together is great. It can be difficult to find a date with more (we do an annual dinner with some old friends and now looking 3 months out to find a Saturday night that is good for 5 couples).
The other thing I would say…if you ARE in a friends group or you ARE participating in a book club/fitness class/etc. where you have found friends - be that one that notices the quiet one/new one in the club/class - chat small talk with them, get to know them a bit, ask them to join you for coffee afterwards. Some people don’t naturally become joiners or feel comfortable becoming part of a group - but would like to be part of it! That person is ME!
I’m introverted. Pretty happy on my own. Don’t need people to hang out with all the time. But it would be nice to feel a “belong” in some social groups.
Good point Abasket. Even if you are not the one in the social group, looking at others who also don’t seem to be in the “in” group can be an excellent way to find a new friend.
I would say 8 people at a dinner party is the perfect number, especially is you aren’t super close. Mits more fun for the guests and it takes pressure off everyone in socializing. Asking another couple by themselves works best if you are already really close and super comfy with each other. I think the dinner party has gone to the wayside where I live, DH and I hosted a few events, then sort of stopped. We got invited a few times, but mostly people seem to want to go out. I found that after a year of exercise class, nothing went beyond chatting before class.
I feel like I have sufficient friends, but I would like to meet more!