Engineer Humor

College Majors Engineering Majors
1

<p>We've had this thread around before, but it's time to start anew. I'll start:</p>

<p>You might be an engineer if . . .</p>

<p>. . . you have no life and can prove it mathematically.</p>

<p>. . . you enjoy pain.</p>

<p>. . . you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.</p>

<p>. . . you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”</p>

<p>. . . you’ve actually ever used every single function on your graphing calculator.</p>

<p>. . . when you look in the mirror, you see an engineering major.</p>

<p>. . . it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.</p>

<p>. . . you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”</p>

<p>. . . you always do homework on Friday nights.</p>

<p>. . . you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.</p>

<p>. . . you think in “math.”</p>

<p>. . . you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.</p>

<p>. . . you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.</p>

<p>. . . you have a pet named after a scientist.</p>

<p>. . . you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.</p>

<p>. . . the Humane Society has had you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger’s Cat Experiment.</p>

<p>. . . you can translate English into Binary.</p>

<p>. . . you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says "Exit.”</p>

<p>. . . you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.</p>

<p>. . . you are completely addicted to caffeine.</p>

<p>. . . you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.</p>

<p>. . . you consider any non-science course “easy.”</p>

<p>. . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.</p>

<p>. . . the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.</p>

<p>. . . you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make the math easier.</p>

<p>. . . you understood more than five of these indicators.</p>

<p>. . . you make a hard copy of this list and post it on your office door.</p>

<p>. . . you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of email.</p>

<p>. . . you know the glass is neither half full nor half empty; it's simply twice as big as it needs to be.</p>

<p>from here: <a href="http://www.frontiernet.net/%7Etzuleger/webjokes/engineers/engineersigns.shtml%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.frontiernet.net/~tzuleger/webjokes/engineers/engineersigns.shtml&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

2

<p>". . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe."</p>

<p>God help me - I laughed at that one.</p>

3

<p>I laughed at that one too, but this part "according to Heisenberg " should have been left out, no need to explain the joke a true engineer would get it anyway.</p>

4

<p>I do believe I just loled at a couple of those.</p>

5

<p>um, lame!!</p>

6

<p>I got to the part about "you have a pet named after a scientist," glanced over at my cat, Terzaghi, and decided that reading any more would make me depressed.</p>

<p>PS- Karl Terzaghi was the father of modern soil mechanics.
PPS- Her full name is Terzaghi Minerva, but we call her Tori for short
PPPS- Isn't Terzaghi just an awesome name, though? My other cat is Shostakovich Bergeron, Shoss for short, so at least I've got some culture along with my nerditude.</p>

7

<p>". . . when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe."</p>

<p>this is the only one i halfway laughed at.</p>

8

<p>I believe this was ganked and modified from a "You know you're a physics major when..." list. I don't know of many engineers who deal with things like the Uncertainty Principle. I don't even know what Schroedinger's cat experiment is.</p>

9

<p>I took two quantum courses during my undergrad. :p</p>

<p>I did not name pets after scientists, however. I named them after elements. At one point, I had a tankful of fish. Argon was really slow and never moved. Hydrogen was about half the size of the next smallest fish, but was re-named Deuterium when he grew. Sodium was the colour of the sodium flame test. </p>

<p>I'll stop now. Y'all get the picture.</p>

10

<p>. . . you know the glass is neither half full nor half empty; it's simply twice as big as it needs to be.</p>

<p>hahaha that one was funny. It makes so much sense!</p>

11

<p>The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"</p>

<p>The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"</p>

<p>The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"</p>

<p>The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"</p>

12

<p>My Biomed Eng D has a Schroedinger's Cat is Dead T-shirt and wants a binary clock for Christmas! SO many things on this list remind me of her! Wait - is this a good thing? LOL</p>

13

<p>Here's some humor....</p>

<p>My dorm tried to buy Hughes Aircraft with a $6 billion check.</p>

<p><a href="http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,957009-2,00.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,957009-2,00.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

14

<p>I like to add,
u might be an engineer....if
-while others play game on their cellphones to kill time and u play games on your TI
-u can count your finger from 1 to 1023
-u don't understand how can liberal art and businees majors can have stress in college
-u think undergrad business degree is BS
-u think 3.5 gpa in liberal art or business major is not impressive
-u think all businees students are party animals
-u don't understand why someone would pay so much $ to go to school for liberal art majors.
-u can tell where your profs from easily by their accents
-u don't sell your books because you know you gonna need them for reference.
-u carry a huge backpack with everything in it.
-u don't consider industrial or system engineering real engineering major</p>

15

<p>"I like to add,
u might be an engineer....if
-while others play game on their cellphones to kill time and u play games on your TI
-u can count your finger from 1 to 1023
-u don't understand how can liberal art and businees majors can have stress in college
-u think undergrad business degree is BS
-u think 3.5 gpa in liberal art or business major is not impressive
-u think all businees students are party animals
-u don't understand why someone would pay so much $ to go to school for liberal art majors.
-u can tell where your profs from easily by their accents
-u don't sell your books because you know you gonna need them for reference.
-u carry a huge backpack with everything in it.
-u don't consider industrial or system engineering real engineering major"</p>

<p>None of these are funny - but they're all true, except the part about the backpack. </p>

<p>But the business parts are true. Business is about personality not knowledge.</p>

16

<p>-merper</p>

<p>show me some funny ones</p>

17

<p><a href="http://humorvault.tripod.com/engineer/engin_4.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://humorvault.tripod.com/engineer/engin_4.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>Some of the ones on the site are ok.</p>

18

<p>Four engineers were sitting around one day trying to figure out who might have designed the human body.</p>

<p>The first fellow said, "I think it might be a Mechanical Engineer, because of joints and muscle and sense of balance." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."</p>

<p>The second fellow said, "I think it might be an Electrical Engineer, because of the nervous system and neural network." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."</p>

<p>The third fellow said, "I think it might be a Chemical Engineer, because of hormonal balances and metabolism." The other three nodded their heads and said, "Yeah, could be."</p>

<p>The fourth fellow snaps his fingers and shouts out, "I know, it HAD to have been a Civil engineer!" The other three ask "Why?"</p>

<p>"Well," replied the fourth fellow, "who else would put a waste water drainage right through a recreational area?"</p>

19

<p>YOU MIGHT BE AN ENGINEER IF...</p>

<p>At Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.</p>

<p>Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.</p>

<p>Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.</p>

<p>In college you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.</p>

<p>The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.</p>

<p>You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.</p>

<p>You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.</p>

<p>You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.</p>

<p>You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.</p>

<p>You have Dilbert comics displayed anywhere in your work area.</p>

<p>You have even saved the power cord from a broken appliance.</p>

<p>You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.</p>

<p>You know what http:// actually stands for.
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.</p>

<p>You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.</p>

<p>You see a good design and still have to change it.</p>

<p>You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.</p>

<p>You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.</p>

<p>You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.</p>

<p>You window shop at Radio Shack.
You're in the back seat of your convertible, she's looking wi****lly at the moon, and you're trying to locate a geosynchronous satellite.</p>

<p>You know what the geosynchronous satellite’s function is.</p>

<p>Your checkbook always balances.</p>

<p>Your laptop computer costs more than your car.</p>

<p>Your wife hasn't the foggiest idea what you do at work.</p>

<p>Your wristwatch has more computing power than most computers.</p>

<p>You've already calculated how much you make per second.</p>

<p>You've even tried to repair a $5 radio</p>

20

<p>Wow. I think the thing that amuses me the most is how the auto-censors blip out most of the word "wi$tfvlly".</p>