<p>Our final was an English paper, and basically, we had to take three books and write them under a common theme, called our "synthesis paper." </p>
<p>I got a really low grade on my paper for last year, and I'm meeting with the teacher to discuss it, but I just want to get an outside opinion on it, because no matter how much I read it, I really don't think it's bad enough to warrant the grade I got (75 minus 1).</p>
<p>Anyone wanna read? I'll pm it to you. Feel free to write your comments on this thread after you finish reading.</p>
<p>You can PM it to me… I am a pretty good english student, so I can take a look at it (although I may not know the books you wrote about, which may be the real reason you got the grade you got.)</p>
<p>Wow… if we could string paragraphs at my old high school, we got higher than that… tell them a Yale student thought it deserved higher than that. (no matter how you wrote it, you don’t deserve a 75 minus 1)</p>
<p>update: i think i came across as racist/horribly narrow minded in this essay, which i did not intend AT ALL. it was a very ‘politically sticky’ paper, according to my teacher. boo… :(</p>
<p>i hate when i try to overachieve and write cool not-cliche stuff only to have it backfire.</p>
<p>The topic you chose must be executed with a -lot- of care in order to not be misconstrued (even assuming the reader was perusing it carefully). Since you alluded to certain controversial topics (race, a similar word which I’m not going to post, a certain body part, and lesbianism), you might consider whether those topics are the best examples to use (or if some of those even needed to be mentioned without being distracting) for your thesis (“people whose appearances are not accepted by society have low self-esteem”; that argument could easily be countered with examples of people and/or characters who were proud and defensive of of their non-ideal appearances).
There were a lot of moments in your essay that were like this quote (the first sentence of the last paragraph–a very noticeable location):
Not putting quotation marks around the word “flaws”–even though you were already referring to it in context–makes all the difference, despite the fact that you noted later that it was superficial to judge others on looks, and that your entire essay was criticizing that the characters felt like their physical appearances were flawed. Also, your conclusion seemed to indicate that this problem is ongoing, as in that even today superficiality is present. Yet your essay does not support the accusation that society today would actually discriminate against characters like Maya/Perry/the Judge, only that those characters felt inferior themselves and would probably be judged as such in their own time.</p>
<p>Not that I dislike your writing or think you deserved a low grade without being given the chance to explain, but if I were a conservative teacher, I would’ve been like ‘O_o’ reading that. Being daring and presenting unique ideas is not bad (and it’s probably the whole point of English), but there are some things that should be handled with an extremely, extremely sensitive approach.</p>
<p>I read some of it and the only thing I can see wrong with it is that some sentences are too wordy and you could be more concise. Some words are used strangely, like “looks” instead of appearance.</p>
<p>The basic structure is fine and it gets the point across. Its cohesive.</p>
<p>This does not deserve a 75.</p>
<p>Looking over some sentences, some of it does come off as racist, for example “in order to compensate for the insecurity they develop from being a member of a socially inferior race”</p>
<p>Thanks guys…I realize that I should’ve treaded more carefully…</p>
<p>yeah like you said everary, i didn’t get the point across that i was referring to those social circumstances in the context of that time period…my bad i have nothing against race/disability…i just wanted to portray the fact that despite everything, ppl still are affected by their appearance/perceived inferiority. </p>
<p>to all of those who thought my paper was alright, thanks my teacher said that if she gave it to her classes to read, everyone would’ve been like, “who writes this kind of stuff!!!”…im glad im not crazy for disagreeing, although i agree i shouldve been more sensitive in my word choice in certain places.</p>
<p>Sometimes, it’s best to be clear, concise, and brief when stating your opinions or ideas, but that’s just my insight on your paper. Use it as you will.</p>
i have nothing against race/disability…i just wanted to portray the fact that despite everything, ppl still are affected by their appearance/perceived inferiority. </p>
my teacher said that if she gave it to her classes to read, everyone would’ve been like, “who writes this kind of stuff!!!”…im glad im not crazy for disagreeing, although i agree i shouldve been more sensitive in my word choice in certain places.</p>