<p>Will pass on commenting about the subject matter (yeah -- had to read this one a few times and pinch myself at least twice), but I'd like to point out that you change tenses for apparently no reason at all in the last paragraph. </p>
<p>Or maybe you had a reason. <em>shrug</em></p>
<p>I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill with this essay. Even as a girl/feminist, I'm puzzled why you would want to write about such a mundane biological event. I know you are trying to be inventive and fresh, but this is a crude choice of topic that is too inaccessible. You're basically playing roulette... if your reader is a man, or a woman who has had a terrible experience with menustration (I get horrible cramps often, for example), the association could affect how they read your essay.</p>
<p>This essay reminds me of one of those modern abstract paintings... I just don't get what you are trying to say. Oranges will also not turn you orange, only carrots and carotene-containing foods will.</p>
<p>"My body as a biological entity has repeatedly informed me that I should not become a mathematician." This sounds so stuffy and weird I don't know what you are driving at. Also, your essay's biggest flaw is I don't really LEARN anything about you, other than your opinion that women are discouraged from math and you like to catch your reader off-guard. </p>
<p>Also, the smell of the oranges is too metaphoric and stretched to make solid use of.</p>
<p>Pattykk-</p>
<p>I don't think you get Potato's point. I entirely agree that this essay is akin to an essay about a boy getting an erection during a class presentation or something, which is entirely natural, yet not an appropriate essay topic. There's a difference between being immature and unable to handle talking about natural biological functions, and thinking that they're good topics for an essay that will be read by complete strangers. I'm not grossed out by the essay, and I wouldn't be grossed out by an essay about an erection either, but I don't think that they tell you a whole lot about the person, except his/her gender. This essay says very little about her as a person, except that she believes that being female is a limiting characteristic- not the message you want to give. On top of all that, it's just inappropriate. Colleges don't want to hear about this unfortunate incident.</p>
<p>I think the essay says quite a lot about sestina. Apparently she has encountered people who feel that she is arrogant about her math ability and that girls should not be mathematicians. Not all parts of the country are as progressive as others, and this could be the case. The essay tells you that she felt this disapproval very acutely, that she allowed herself to be dissuaded from studying for the calculus test, that she felt her separateness as a woman when she experiences menstruation, and that she is resolved not to be discouraged and to fight to be a math woman. There are parts of the essay that need to be made clearer, but I really like her use of language, even when she gets a little overblown. I think she comes across as a really intense young woman. I agree the essay is very risky; she should only apply to schools that can deal with a little edginess.
I don't think people should discount her experience just because they have been fortunate enough to go to school in an environment where it is not a big deal if girls are interested in math.
I still think the readers who were grossed out by the essay are immature.</p>
<p>Pattykk, thanks for your insight, perhaps you are expressing what the writer meant to express, but did not, IMO. One of the problems with this essay is that it seems so depressing, and to me, at least, the writer seems very discouraged at the end. The descriptions of being female seem so dreary, math seems dreary and impossible, hopeless. I don't get the sense from this that she really loves math, feels she has anything to contribute. All of the emphasis seems to be on how out of place she feels.</p>
<p>Gee, I hope my daughter who is going through a big math nerd phase right now doesn't wind up feeling like this writer does!</p>
<p>Mstee: You have a point. I do think that many very talented girls experience depression. My own daughter seems to feel a lot of pain in life at times, in spite of her talents and beauty and the opportunities ahead of her. Maybe sestina should send an essay that reflects how she feels on a good day. Your suggestion that she touch on her love of math and what she has to contribute are good. It would certainly be a safer approach. I still think that the adcom's at Bryn Mawr, for example, would be very familiar with these feelings and would find this essay appealing. My daughter reported that they were a really with-it bunch who went to avant-garde shows with students, and they were definitely feminists. I really like the way sestina writes. Where is she, BTW?</p>
<p>
[quote]
Potato: Thanks for proving my point. I don't think you will ever get this essay. Menstruation is just a biological process; so are erections. Try to be a little more mature.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>
[quote]
I still think the readers who were grossed out by the essay are immature.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I was not grossed out. I'm just thinking from the adcoms perspective. Some adcoms read this essay out load while they discuss it. </p>
<p>This essay didn't tell me much about her, just that she likes math, had a unfortunate experience during math class and that her peroid smells like rotten oranges. It would just be like a guy talking about having a hard on during class. It would tell me nothing except 1) that the applicant is a guy 2) He doesnt focus on math during math class 3) He finds math very exiting.</p>
<p>Imagine an adcom reading 700 words describing that experience? </p>
<p>Although, if she is applying to Reed college, this essay might work.</p>
<p>i'd appreciate it if we could close the discussion on my essay and let mine be the last post.</p>
<p>the vast majority of you are misinterpreting the writing, which is fine, but i don't need a zillion people discussing what they think is depression or my ability at math or whatever-- because nothing true has been said, and crude assumptions can only hurt.</p>
<p>thank you.</p>
<p>I admire your chutzpah, but really...no. Just...no.</p>
<p>Sestina: You sent a very contoversial essay for comment. Surely you expected it to generate comment? Some people made crude comments; some of us tried to give you a serious evaluation. You have not responded to any of the serious evaluations. I find your statement that the vast majority of us have misinterpreted it and your hurt feelings just a bit much to take. I suggest that you ask a respected English teacher or someone else whose opinion you value to look at your future essays.</p>
<p>I am certainly no expert but this essay just tries too hard, in my opinion.
It tries to be controversial (succeeds) and intelligent,but just winds up being sort of shocking and pretentious.</p>
<p>I think I get it... estrogen causes periods, and since estrogen is one of the main differences b/t men and women (I'm no bio expert, whoops if I'm wrong... but estrogen is the reason fetuses form the way they do I think, it is the creator of women) it must be the primary reason behind the fact that there are more men than women mathematicians, it's the chemical that is the reason for this... since estrogen makes a woman a woman, mathamatics and estrogen must not mix for some reason... so why is this chemical the determinate of your occupation rather than your mind and person as a whole, some chemical shouldn't be the main factor that decides what your path in life should be. I didn't think it was that bad, nice writing style, but take out any words that are too vivid/descriptive in a bad way...</p>
<p>It is pretty weird though... I had to think about it for a little while before I could fully grasp it. But I suggest keeping it... I like how you said you veiw your body as a f(x) of societal not biological differences, and in my view this seemed like the main point of the essay.</p>
<p>actually men have estrogen too. and by the time their middle aged estrogen levels equal testosterone levels in men.</p>
<p>hmmm...That's a good point...
but then why are women (many of them) so different than men? And why is the top ten math students board at my school chock full of boys with barley any girls?</p>
<p>And here is my edited post.... CC won't let me edit my post anymore.</p>
<p>I think I get it... estrogen causes periods, and since estrogen is one of the main differences b/t men and women (I'm no bio expert, whoops if I'm wrong, but estrogen is the reason fetuses form the way they do I think, it is the creator of women) it must be the primary reason behind the fact that there are more men than women mathematicians... since estrogen makes a woman a woman, mathematics and estrogen must not mix for some reason... but what if YOU and mathematics do mix, and you don't think this chemical estrogen controls your mind or thoughts, people can transcend their biological limits with higher thoughts in my opinion, so why is this chemical the determinate of your occupation rather than your mind and person as a whole, some chemical shouldn't be the main factor that decides what your path in life should be. I didn't think it was that bad, nice writing style, but take out any words that are too vivid/descriptive in a bad way... if you want, that's not completley nessesary.</p>
<p>I suggest keeping it... I like how you said you veiw your body as a f(x) of societal not biological differences, and in my view this seemed like the main point of the essay. Keep in mind that many essay readers are old and mature (that's what a college essay reader told me), and they KNOW that people try to be individualistic in their essays, they're not going to just pass it off as weird without a second thought.</p>
<p>And then again, choco, I don't think many people know that, most people who are not very well versed in bio associate men w/ testosterone and women with estrogen.</p>
<p>Sestina--if "everyone" is misinterpreting your essay, does that tell you anything? I guess you got reactions to your writing that you did not expect. But you should be flattered by the response, even if is not what you expected--most essays posted here do not inspire so much interest. It is clear you have a gift for writing, but here you have had the opportunity to see how your writing affects people--people who don't know you, and are simply reacting to your writing. I think that if you don't take it personally, (and you shouldn't, esp. since none of us know you), you can learn something from this. One of the things one learns from posting on a forum like this I guess, is that some threads take on a life of their own, and go on for much longer than anyone would expect . . . one of the "risks" one takes when posting here . . .</p>
<p>I like the general direction of the essay. The topic of menstration is risky but I like that as well. It's not irrelevant. It works with the main subject- you are thinking about the difficulties of a woman working in the male-dominated field of math at the same time, you have this terrific female monthly occurance knocking at your door.
So it makes a male reader unfortable, i would hope they are more mature than high school little boys.
The use of elaborate words and adj sounds a little forced and unnatural though.</p>
<p>
[quote]
whoever wrote that essay is a nasty f***.
[/quote]
Completely unnecessary and rude comment.</p>
<p>Wow! Really weird... okay, here's my two cents. The topic, although "creative" (in a very twisted sort of way), really conveys nothing to the adcom about you. Alright... you menstruate. So does every girl. What's so special about you? The part about you failing to achieve your goals as a mathematician just because you began menstruating during one lousy test is a bit of a stretch. Also, the gender inequality thing that you seek to bring about in your essay could have been better expressed. You seem to think that physical inability to answer a particular test is simply limited to girls alone, which is amusing.</p>
<p>And yes, I agree with everyone else. The rotten oranges thing... eww!</p>