Essay critique - PLEASE HELP!

College Essays
1

<p>PROMPT: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.</p>

<p>During my sophomore year, I taught myself how to play the ukulele. It is not a hard instrument to learn to play in comparison with others, but to me it was quite the accomplishment. I have always loved music, at least I loved to listen to music, but I had never considered learning to actually play an instrument until my friend brought their ukulele to school and showed me a few chords. From that moment I was fixated on the idea of becoming a musically creative person, and that Christmas I requested and received a ukulele and a beginner's guide to learning how to play. It took weeks for me to move past basic chords and build up calluses on my fingers, but I could finally play the ukulele, to a certain degree. I remember bringing it to a sleepover and proudly strumming a broken version of "Hey Soul Sister" by Train, singing along with my friends and teaching them how to play it as well. As time passed, my skills grew, and pretty soon I could just sit down with some ukulele sheet music and jam. </p>

<p>Those jams made for some wonderful memories. Music has a way of bringing people together, and I made many new friends through impromptu sing-a-longs and mini shows. I had never been very good at starting conversations or approaching others, but a ukulele is a natural conversation starter, and that allowed me to talk to a lot of people that I would have never had the courage to approach. Soon enough I didn’t even need my uke, I had found my inner confidence to speak to others and strike up a conversation with ease.</p>

<p>Teaching myself to play the ukulele taught me more than music; it taught me that practice makes perfect, the value of persistence, the joys of company and good music, and how to express myself. I loved the challenge of trying something new, and the thrill of sharing what I had learned with others, and I carry those feelings with me throughout my life. I embrace new things with an open mind and love to speak with others to share experiences and lessons. The best part was that it all came from within; I had taught myself to play. So the most important lesson I had learned was to be confident in myself. If I could teach myself to play the ukulele -- I could do anything I set my mind to.</p>

2

<p>I like this, it reminds me of something I would write. The only thing is I don’t know if it’s unique enough to really make a good impression on the readers. Maybe add in a little more cheesy sentimental stuff about what it meant to you. So I would say it’s decent enough that it wouldn’t hurt your chances of acceptance, but it’s not helping them either.</p>

3

<p>Also split it up into more paragraphs, makes it easier to read!:)</p>

4

<p>ok, thank you so much! :)</p>

5

<p>meh. "Music has a way of bringing people together, " stuff like that is generic and anyone could have wrote it. </p>

<p>I don’t see much character in this story nor do I see how it has shaped you. Basically how are you fundamentally different as a person (in terms of real life actions) now that you can play the ukulele</p>

6

<p>Don’t tell us what about how you came to play the ukulele – show us. Don’t tell us that learning the ukulele “taught me that practice makes perfect, the value of persistence, the joys of company and good music, and how to express myself” – show us. You need to use descriptive language that conveys these ideas and your emotions, without explicit stating them.</p>