Essay Grade Please? :]

<p>Prompt: Should heroes be defined as people who say what they think when we ourselves lack the courage to say it? [BB test 8]</p>

<p>People do not need to face bodily harm or even brave a physical danger to be called a hero. In fact, speaking out against one's community and peers can be the most difficult thing to do. Arthur Miller, author of many plays including "Death of a Salesman," stated his own definition of a tragic hero: Someone who can't stay quiet during an act of injustice and is bound to take action. This perspective of a hero is demonstrated both in history and in literature. </p>

<p>"Anitgone" is the third play in the Oedipus cycle, written by Sophocles. In this work, Antigone is searching for a proper burial for Polyneices, her brother who was deemed a traitor to Thebes. Creon, the ruler of Thebes, condemned anyone that would bury Polyneices. However, Antigone, knowing that her brother wouldn't get to his afterlife without a burial, decided to speak out against Creon. This went against public sentiment because the citizens felt that Creon's decision should be final. Antigone, in a heroic manner, decided to carry out her plan, even though she knew there would be social repercussions. </p>

<p>This heroic characteristic can also be seen in Starbuck, the second in command to the manaical Captain Ahab in the novel Moby Dick. The captain had been desperately searching the seas for the white whale, Moby Dick, who had earlier ripped off his leg in their first encounter. At the onset of the journey, Ahab had his entire crew behind him. However, as the whaling ship Quequeg started to lose profits as well as human lives in Ahab's endeavor, Starbuck tried to plead with his captain to cut their losses and give up the search. Starbuck's actions led to him being called out as a traitor by the members of the crew, but he continually pestered Ahab because he knew that it was the right thing to do. Although the end result is tragic, Starbuck provides a voice of intuition and sanity aboard the Quequeg. Without Starbuck's insistence, Captain Ahab would have led his men to a quicker demise. Through his actions, Starbuck displays his heroic traits in his near-save of the whaling expedition. </p>

<p>Abraham Lincoln is just as courageous as these literary figures in his actions against slavery. He was the president of the Union during the Civil War, during which he wrote his famous Emancipation Proclamation, that freed the slaves. Deep down, Lincoln knew that it was unjust to keep people as property, and set out to fix that. He knew that the entire South would despise him for freeing the slaves, but he had to do what he felt was morally correct. Lincoln didn't let the public's opinion of him affect his decisions in trying to fix the shameful wrong in slavery. Even though Lincoln had to fight a bitter war, he eventually freed all of the slaves in the nation. His bold moves drew the hatred of many of his country's citizens, but clearly led America in the right direction. </p>

<p>Antigone, Starbuck, and Lincoln all serve as examples of speaking out against the popular thought of the public. Each of these people risked their social standing and even lost it. However, they all based their statements on moral righteousness, and this justifies their inclusion among any list of heroes.</p>

<p>thanks for all your input. (:</p>

<p>The conclusion is decent but not strong enough, other than that, i say a 6</p>

<p>6? You gave this essay a 6?
lol</p>

<p>your arguments are a little loose, they don’t flow very well.
however, you have excellent grammar (no major mistakes there) and you answer the essay question adequately.</p>

<p>i give this essay an 8 or 9.</p>

<p>EDIT: i forgot to mention the conclusion. it is very…weak. you need to beef it up a little bit</p>

<p>yes, i actually did. And for your information, a “little loose” argument doesn’t cut the score to a 4. Like many researches indicated, the SAT essay values the length above everything else (has to be on topic though). Do you actually think after reading 400 of these same prompt essays that these graders will go like “oh, his paper doesn’t flow very well, let’s give it a 4” ?</p>

<p>okay, so i need to work on my conclusion. any ideas on how to make it stronger?
how should i string the arguments together better?</p>

<p>any other comments?</p>

<p>use transitions!</p>

<p>almost perfect I learned alot from ur essay. </p>

<p>But your main idea is hidden in p 3. It says hero’s are people who speak for what is morally correct inspite of enourmous consequences. —?place this as your thesis.</p>

<p>and place your supporting ideas as topic sentences like everyone says…basically make it like an outline. </p>

<p>i think Gandhi would be a perfect example because he spoke out against racism in south africa when no one else did. He spoke out about what he thought was wrong and was physically beaten, put in jail for years. He did it with humility too…</p>

<p>Lincoln nice</p>

<p>3 one literature.</p>

<p>acknowledge the opposite opinion in the first paragraph too. </p>

<p>the ideas are there just a matter of tweeking.</p>

<p>so basically i just need to get my arguments to ‘flow’ better?</p>

<p>It says hero’s are people who speak for what is morally correct inspite of enourmous consequences–thats an awesome thesis…should go at the top in p1</p>

<p>p2 has to support this; you have this; “Anitgone” is the third play in the Oedipus cycle, written by Sophocles. doesnt support it…you have to say antigone spoke up against something in spite of these consequences.</p>

<p>p3;Abraham Lincoln is just as courageous as these literary figures in his actions against slavery. Ye, he spoke up against slavery inspite of the consequence of dividing his nation…</p>

<p>what you need to do is just be clear…</p>

<p>p1 topic sentence thesis</p>

<p>p2 topic sentence supports this</p>

<p>p3; support…</p>