Essay Help!!!

<p>Hi CC,</p>

<p>I am preparing for the October SAT and would appreciate if I can get some feedback on my essay.</p>

<p>Prompt:
The young people of today think of nothing but themselves. They have no reverence for parents or old age. They are impatient of all restraint. They talk as f they alone know anything.
-Peter the Hermit, eleventh century A.D.
</p>

<p>Assignment:
Have young people today lost traditional values such as respect for elders and concern for others? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this question. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your experience, reading, or observations.</p>

<p>Essay:
Over the course of human history children's roles in society have changed from the origins of being a helping hand for hunting and gathering food, to children's modern role of being students. One overlapping tradition has remained the same, children's reverence for their elders.
Children are the living embodiment of their parents' ideology and look up to their parents for guidance and support. In the famous English novel The Lord of the Flies the party of boys who were shipwrecked on an island gradually became chaotic without the guidance of adults. This novel illustrates the true values of parenting, shaping the character of future generations. The shipwrecked boys realized this and missed their parents throughout the novel.
Psychological researchers have determined that from infancy children absorb their parents personalities and mannerisms. This demonstrates how their is considerable reverence for parents in a child's mind. In a recent study by the National Institute of Health 87% of young adults feel that they will parent their children like their own parents did. This proves that young adults value the tradition and lessons of their elders.
While some may criticize young adults today as being selfish or aloof it is important to take into consideration the situation that young adults are in. The children of today will have to compete against their peers on a global scale. This unique level of competition may cause students to appear aloof but in reality they are in search for more adult guidance than previous generations. According to Fareed Zakaria's The Post American World we will need to compete against the rising superpowers of the 21st century and the young people of today will be the leaders of tomorrow.
Overall, young people are looking for guidance and support from their parents and elders because it this this guidance that allows them to excel in developing thier character, morals, and competitive edge for a global economy.</p>

<p>I really appreciate any constructive feedback.
Thanks</p>

<p>I am confused by your first body paragraph. From your introduction, you state that children still have respect for their elders, which means that you agree with the prompt. Then in the next paragraph, you talk about how they became chaotic which strays from your argument. How does their chaos illustrate the true values of parenting?</p>

<p>I don’t think you understand what the prompt is asking. It asks you if young people have lost respect for elders or concern for others. If you disagree, you have to show how they are selfish and disrespectful. If you agree, which I assume that you have, you must give examples pertaining to how they show respect and compassion. </p>

<p>Your conclusion does not reflect the introduction. Looking for guidance != reverence. Overall, some parts of your essay seem to be heading on target, but others stray and detract from the entire argument, leading to incoherent babbling.</p>

<p>Your paragraphs support that children look to adults for guidance, which would make sense if the prompt asked are children independent, or do they need the guidance of adults. But it doesn’t. This essay would probably receive a zero for not answering the question. Also, 300 words is a little on the short side, unless you are able to fill both pages with larger handwriting.</p>

<p>Thanks for your quick response. I agree with you and I think that I misunderstood the prompt.</p>