<p>Hi -
A senior has asked me for input on his essay. (Really looking for parent input on this on - that's why I went with Parent Forum and not College Essays.)
I read the essay and LOVE it - It is engaging from the start & unfolds to show a twist on one of the usual tried and true essay topics.<br>
....BUT, a big part of the essay addresses a bunch of teammates bonding while cooking as a team...over an (small) open flame in the woods....not at a campground.
At first read I just enjoyed it and could embrace the feelings he was expressing, but then the worry wart in me emerged. I have the benefit of knowing these kids, but would this topic raise concerns with an admin. essay reader? Would the essay get his app thrown in the 'not worth the worry' pile or would most read it just as the transformative essay that it is - A kid evolving from a team member to a team leader.</p>
<p>I'm not a pro, but have done a lot of reading on the topic of essay-writing lately. That sounds fine.</p>
<p>Thanks, mom in virginia. I don't want to make any suggestions that would squash or water down his voice in this essay. I think he will likely opt to take the risk and see what happens, but it's good to know you think I'm probably being overly cautious in my concern.</p>
<p>I think Adcoms are happy to read any essay that is literate, interesting and novel.</p>
<p>^^^^ I agree</p>
<p>I agree with all of the others. I don't see a problem here.</p>
<p>It sounds fine to me. The key is what it reveals about the writer. It certainly sounds like it could be more interesting than the usual sports-inspired essay, "How I learned to be a leader from playing on the soccer team." An unusual twist is a good thing.</p>
<p>He's not applying to National Forest Service University, is he? :) Otherwise, I don't have any concerns about it and don't think you need to raise the issue with him.</p>
<p>Thanks for the input - I know that the fire building was just a bit of adventure for a bunch of relatively boring guys that follow the straight and narrow, but was worried that an outsider looking in might question whether he's one of a bunch of hooligans and might write him off for that reason. Thanks again!</p>
<p>We've all had our pyro stages- I'm sure the admission folks will be fine with it. :)</p>
<p>got?s--Suggest he simply add one sentence saying something like, "We built the fire in an open area, away from trees, with star views...etc, etc," It will not change the essay, which sounds very interesting by the way, and show awareness and control of the dangers.</p>
<p>I would just ask - how obvious does the essay make it that the group was camping illegally ? Is it more a case that you knew the campfire was illegal (since you knew the kids) but no one reading the essay has reason to question one way or another?</p>
<p>To the OP: I don't think you're being overcautious. Based upon your description, I think the essay is definitely "too risky." Such an essay would not be well received by law-abiding adcoms--especially law-abiding adcoms of schools located in states where unimaginably destructive and deadly wildfires have been caused by illegal campers.</p>
<p>Count me in as one outsider who views the ostensibly "straight and narrow" essay-writer and his teammates as "a bunch of hooligans." </p>
<p>In my opinion, criminal conduct does not translate into "leadership" or into any other admirable quality a sensible adcom would look for in a college applicant. If I were an adcom, I'd toss that guy's application into the circular file without thinking twice.</p>
<p>Wow, as a country bumpkin, I can not believe building a fire to cook food could ever be thought of as wrong. Have any of you who think this is wrong ever camped out and built a fire to cook by? How in the world could this be a big deal? Us country folk would call this good clean fun and in no way a big deal. Out in the country, we have fires all the time on summer nights. Have we become so politically correct that city living is now considered the "correct way" and country living is backwards? I'm pretty proud to live out in the sticks, where my kids are safe, my dogs love it and my 40 acres are like a paradise.</p>
<p>If your initial reaction to the essay was that you loved it, I think that is your answer. To me, an essay that has that spark and really shows something unique about the kid is a winner.</p>
<p>I live in an area where wildfires are a big deal. I think, just to be safe, maybe there would be a way like morrismm suggests to put it in a context that shows a little awareness and responsibility. There are probably a number of ways to do that.</p>
<p>It is probably not necessary, but something about it jangled a nerve for you or you wouldn't have started this thread. If it jangled your nerve, it may well do the same to an admissions officer. Wildfires are intense and hugely destructive things. It just depends on people's history with them. Mine has not been good.</p>
<p>^^ I think you're correct. I didn't even think about the fact it was illegal & dangerous. It just never entered my mind.</p>
<p>I realize that this is off topic, but jollymom I have camped from NY to Calif., Canada to Mexico. I was raised in a big city but live, and have for many, many years, in the country. Many fires are started by careless people. Often the fires out west that destroy thousands of acres, many homes and kill wildlife are started by careless people, some of whom have illegal campfires.</p>
<p>It has nothing to do with being politically correct or living in the country.</p>
<p>just curious-how does the fact that it is not at a campground add or subtract to the main point of this essay? Does that even need to be highlighted at all? That said-my first thought was, in fact, that it was irresponsible to build a fire not in a campground.</p>
<p>Okay, I guess I'm in a minority here, but I don't see any reason to go into where the campfire was. I know plenty of places where it would be fine to build a fire in the woods. I even learned how to do it safely in Girl Scouts. I've gone wilderness camping quite a bit in my youth where you weren't camping at designated sites.</p>