<p>The weird thing is…I’m not even sure that the son even gives a rat’s patootie about any of this equity boo hooing that’s going on. I’m not sure if this is more about the parents’ inner fears or the sisters’ desire for their bro to have their elite and far-away experience (that they wanted), but the son could care less as long as he gets his education and his percussion experience.</p>
<p>I wonder if everyone in the family just kept quiet about it, there may not be a problem at all.</p>
<p>I’m a believer in the expression, “Fair isn’t always equal and equal isn’t always fair.” </p>
<p>Of course, there are things among our children that won’t be equal. Individual children may suffer hard times and need our help- or earn, win or luck into different opportunities. The girls got substantial scholarships to Harvard. If this equity thing goes too far, in theory they could gripe that brother is getting 240k and they only got 60k each. </p>
<p>I keep thinking of this odd example: say D1, now out of school, is working, saves $, needs a car and you offer to pay half. Your elderly neighbor wants to unload her Mercedes at a ridiculously low price. Do you now owe the other two kids a Mercedes? Or, just the amount you spent for D1? Or, nothing until they come up with their half? Or? </p>
<p>The right answer, Gadad, is what’s right for your unique financial position. If you’ve been paying for college for two girls on a 100k salary, plus some savings, have you got enough in your own retirement, some set aside for emergencies, a job loss, an extended illness, etc? </p>
<p>ps. I’m not sure I understand the finer points of Harvard’s fin aid- how is it possible one inherits enough that EFC jumps to 60k, but D2 still gets “substantial aid?”</p>
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<p>Yup - that’s at the heart of it. This is a kid who’s quite advanced in math, but he wouldn’t be interested in Harvard, MIT, Stanford or most top Us and LACs. He’d be considering NU, UMich or USC vs. Ga Tech or UGA. I’m not sure how much that difference would be worth - if in fact there’s any qualitative difference at all. Personally, I’d love to see him at Williams where he’d thrive and find an unusually broad and creative math curriculum. But Williams’ satirical “scramble” band is called the “Mucho Macho Moo Cow Marching Band” and features kazoos. 'Nuff said. :)</p>
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<p>Right - In fact, he’ll be at callback auditions with them this weekend!</p>
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<p>The band might suffice if he also makes it into a DCI (major league drum corps) group. The fit of the social vibe remains to be seen, and as you suggest, it’s not a fit for everyone. That’s why I’m ill at ease about trying to push him in that direction without many alternatives.</p>
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<p>That may be right on target. In fact, at this point it’s probably all about his dad’s inner fears. :)</p>
<p>BTW, you guys are great counselors and therapists. Many thanks!</p>
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<p>The Klein Four – look up their video “Finite Simple Group” on you****.</p>
<p>Gadad, having gone to UGA (immediately after REM and the B-52s left town), GT is far better for math. That said, I know too many people who were chewed up and spit out at GT. He’s good enough to get callbacks with DCI while he’s in HS? Impressive! A couple of folks from my HS did DCI in Atlanta post-college.</p>
<p>OTOH, S1 has a friend who is at GT and is thriving. Took classes there in HS, too.</p>
<p>IMO, it’s time for you and S to visit GT. A very good school at an excellent price.</p>
<p>We have 7 kids–one out of college, one in college, HS junior and down. Kid #1 was NMF and H (against my wishes) allowed him to choose a no-merit-aid school. It wasn’t too expensive for a private school, but few folks can pay 25-30K/year without feeling the pinch. Then H changed jobs (for lower pay), we moved and lost everything on a house we couldn’t sell while S was in college. (We have no savings.) Kid #2 had a one-year overlap with #1, and her choices were limited to where she could get decent merit scholarships (she just missed NM). We still allowed her to choose her private school–and she did not choose the cheapest option (though it was cheaper than #1’s school, the cost is going up.) We also allowed her an old car, which kid #1 didn’t get. After that killer overlap year, kid #3 was forced to prep like heck for the PSAT–and made the cutoff. He knows his choices are limited to where he can get the closest thing to a free ride. Sorry, no private school. (This poor kid is also the only one who didn’t have braces, glasses, older bro had accutane, etc.–life isn’t fair. I will remember this, though, and try to help him in the future if I’m able. He really has no preference on colleges–super easy-going and understanding kid.) Kid #4 (9th grader, braces already off. . .) knows he will be in the same boat, and scholarships seem likely for him, too. There will be a two year overlap there. (From their performance so far, Kids 5-7 don’t seem as likely to score big merit aid.)</p>
<p>Yes, we made financial mistakes–especially allowing kid #1 to turn down big $$ for no $. And we had bad luck–trying to sell a house when the economy went bad. We never promised that we’d pay 100K for each kid. What I am promising is that we’ll pay for 90% of college costs.(I make my kids pay 10% of their total costs from summer jobs, etc.) If they do the work, they can graduate debt free–that is what I want to give each of them–a debt free education. (Grad/professional school is NOT included.)To me that is “fair,” even if it is nowhere near equal.</p>
<p>H and I both come from big families. It was easier then–my parents only saved for one year of in-state college for each kid. We were all able to pay by working PT during school and summers, some had scholarships, some did ROTC, some took out loans. But now, it is terribly expensive. I am unwilling to borrow money for college–(Not sure how we could make loan payments at the same time we’re paying for 1-2 kids in college continuously for 21 years.) I think our EFC is in the upper 40s. We have a good income, but have lived extremely modestly for years so the oldest two could choose private schools. No more. It is too much of a strain, and that isn’t fair.</p>
<p>I don’t think we can ever get to fair. Life is a moving sidewalk and each child comes to the table with different talents and needs. I do think you owe your son the same sensitivity in helping him find the right college for him and meeting his needs as you did your daughters. </p>
<p>What is the Canadian music scene? It may be cheaper to go to school there. But if he really wants drum line, then he may be headed to a big state U and that may not be a bad thing because he seems to have the stats to pull off a scholarship.</p>
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Mixed metaphors at 5 am. ;)</p>
<p>Could you sell some of this real estate to pay for college?
Since you were not expecting the inheritance, you must have been paying into a retirement fund all along for the retirement you were expecting. Have your expectations now changed because of the inheritance? What about your son’s expectations about college?
I suppose it depends on your own family values. Many here on CC value education above all - and would sell real estate.</p>
<p>Yeah…because if you go you UGA or GT…you’re wasting money…you can’t get a good education at those schools. People who send their kids to these schools don’t value education.</p>
<p>You can only get a great education at 15 schools…</p>
<p>GADad: Take a nice deep breath & stop worrying until after you’ve talked with your son. See what happens after his DCI auditions. He’s a junior now, right? And it doesn’t sound as if he has particularly strong feelings about any one particular school yet. So visit UGA and GT and NU. And look at some other schools where he qualifies for merit aid and they have big college bands. </p>
<p>I believe that you need to save for retirement before you save for college. Fact is that we don’t know what’s going to happen with Social Security. And you can’t take out senior citizen loans to pay for the gas bill. I also wouldn’t worry about paying for grad school or down payments on homes for your kids. That’s a really nice thing to do, but both your D’s have Harvard degrees & your son sounds like he’s on his way, no matter what school he goes to. I think they’ll be OK ;)</p>
<p>I am in the minority of posters in that I wouldn’t have sacrificed everything to send my kids to the “best” school. DH & I graduated from state schools and have a lovely life. We also have aging parents that may need help which is another consideration (and why I am so set on maximizing our retirement savings; I DO NOT want my kids worrying about us when we get older!) We told D1 a set number per year and she qualified for significant merit aid. </p>
<p>We will possibly have a reverse situation to you as D2 will have “better” financial options than D1 had because (if I stay in my current job) I will have significant tuition reimbursement benefits from my employer. Do I feel guilty about that? Nope. I was a stay at home mom until 2 years ago and partially targeted my employer for that benefit. And D1 loves where she is and would have chosen it no matter what.</p>
<p>JHS–Don’t really want to quibble with you, but, it wasn’t that you were suggesting there was a gap for that particular school, but the suggestion that if *you *don’t know, then it doesn’t matter. That’s probably not what you meant–it just read funny to me. (And even though I stand by the e-quality point of view, it’s true we also turned down big bucks to my alma mater–not as much as you, but enough. And, for other reasons entirely that have nothing to do with the money, I would go back and do that differently if I could.)</p>
<p>Quick note- don’t count on scholarships for marching band. The only schools I’ve seen offer them either don’t have a music program (which USC, GT, UGA, NU, UM all do) or have one but have a really hard time filling the marching band. Considering those schools have at least three hundred marching, they ain’t payin’ for nobody. Marching band is a class, which YOU get to pay for.</p>
<p>Univ. of Miami pays for marching band member’s books I believe.</p>
<p>ok, strike that, just cked and apparently that bit is mysteriously not included in this year’s FAQs about the band…bummer.</p>
<p>I probably went to one of dstarks “15 schools,” but I’m not sure the education comment holds true. Some public schools, while not elite, seem pretty tough. Look at Georgia Techs grades per semester, posted by the school online.</p>
<p>This does not really answer the OP’s question in any way, but we have two kids who graduated from two very different “elite” schools, which tuned out to be very good fit for them. Neither one would consider even for a minute that it would have been better to graduate from another school and get the $200,000 instead (and at least one of them sure could use some extra money today…)</p>
<p>“Considering those schools have at least three hundred marching, they ain’t payin’ for nobody.”</p>
<p>??? I have a good friend who’s an alum of the University of Tennessee Pride of the Southland who had a band scholarship. They have a music department, and they have no trouble filling that giant band.</p>
<p>UMich requires auditions for marching band!<br>
I would suspect that most band scholarships, if offered at any of these schools, are going to music majors – or at least there is a heavy preference in that direction.</p>