<p>Exactly, ClassicRockerDad. Is fairness determined by the monetary outlay (in which case if gadad goes for the $240,000 school for the son, does he owe the difference back to the daughters) or is fairness determined by the fact that he is giving equal college opportunity to each kid (and it just so happens that the daughters wound up at a school that is incredibly generous so the total bill was reduced). I think it’s the latter, personally, but that’s just me.</p>
<p>Even if you look at it in terms of $$, the D’s each got a $240,000 “benefit”, regardless of where the money came from. If the S also gets $240,000 towards his education, it will just be that some of the money came from Late Aunt Maude rather than Late Mr. Rich Dude who left a huge endowment to Harvard. One dead benefactor or another. Take your pick. :)</p>
<p>Bookmarked</p>
<p>The D1 and D2 should be happy no matter what.</p>
<p>The wild card here is S. It’s a tough call and I’m glad I don’t have to choose…at least not yet (S3 is still in the pipeline). </p>
<p>1+ sybbie/somemom</p>
<p>I have told each of the 4 that I would pay for public university for 4 years. They may then take that and make up the difference if they choose to go somewhere else. It’s never that clean and easy. Which, of course, is why you asked the question. </p>
<p>It sounds as though your son is a neat young man. I would explain the choices to him and your desire to do the best possible for him. My bet is that he’ll take the money into consideration and find a school that can accomplish his and your goals. Good luck.</p>
<p>USC!!
He may qualify for a merit scholarship!
Sorry if I am repeating something already mentioned, but it seems that if he qualified for a merit scholarship, USC would be the perfect choice.</p>
<p>Having been through the college admissions process twice before—and now for the thrid and last time—I concur with Pizzagirl. As parents of 3, it is all about the “opportunity,” regardless of where the funding comes from…you do what you have to do. When D1 turned down a guaranteed $10K annual funding at one school and, instead, decided on a small liberal arts college back east–with no merit based funding–I hesitated at the cost. But, H was adamant that she had “earned” the opportunity…so, we took a second mortage to help cover some of the expenses over the 4 yr period. And, as with all our children, we took out a Stafford Loan in their names to ensure that they were vested in their education. If they did well, we would pay off their loan for them. D2 ended up at CMU and received both merit based funding for 4 yrs and financial aid for the first 2 yrs…luckily it has worked out for our family. Given that we had 2 children in college at the same time, my in-laws provided us with a small sum for the last couple of yrs…it helped defray the housing expense for D2 and allowed us to gradually pay down D1’s loan. D1 is now a 3rd yr grad student with full tuition funding and health insurance. We are in midst of college applications with D3. So far, she has been admitted early action to 2 colleges with partial scholarships. Unfortunately, they are not her top choices. Again, H is unwaivering in his belief that it is HER choice. 
I totally agree…and have not regretted the decisions we made as parents for the good of ALL our children.</p>
<p>BTW, in hindsight, I am not at all sorry D1 did not get to attend her expensive private options with the loans it would have required, though I wish she would have been willing to apply to a different set of schools. Two are already in grad school with loans and all are happy to have a BA or BS (or both) with no loans. I am taking time to pay down/off the HELOC we used to fund all the undergrad degrees and am happy the kids are not faced with an additional huge loan amount.</p>
<p>OP - I understand your dilemma on a much smaller day to day scale, in our family there was never an option to consider private out of state schools and given the kids interests the in state options were highly ranked and equally attractive to both.</p>
<p>Much good advice has already been offered but when I read your original post, the thought that struck me was how different your son sounds from his older sisters. As long as all three get the best education for their individual needs you will have been both fair and just.</p>
<p>I agree with those who suggest you talk to all the kids, and definitely to your son, about the situation. On the one hand the monetary difference is the central dilemma - but on the other it is also a distraction from the more important focus of best education for each child. Given the things you’ve said about your son, I am not persuaded that the choices, or type of choices, made by his sisters in regards to school best serve his interests. And unless he plans to major in music and make a career of it, I would give more weight to the relative merits of the math/math related academics of his school options. GT may be the best all around fit for your son if it gives him musical opportunities and the best academic opportunities in his field of interest (in an atmosphere that allows him to balance them both).</p>
<p>Perhaps you could set the money issue aside for a bit and focus only on academic fit (including the music) - also setting aside the “overall prestige” of any particular school name. If the best opportunity is closer to home, perhaps extra emphasis can be placed on study abroad and summer opportunities for your son, but the first step is to determine what your son really wants and needs from his college experience - not necessarily making his college experience just like his sisters’.</p>