<p>I think the high school would consider us very involved and diligent parents....we go to all the meetings and fill out all the forms. But as Son approaches college, I feel like we've made so many wrong decisions regarding his high school education and there was certainly not a soul at the school - teacher, counselor or administrator - who tried to guide us in another direction.</p>
<p>Yesterday I was thinking how Son (with Asperger's) would do better at college if he took less than a full load. It dawned on me that had he taken dual enrollment classes, he would have some of the basics out of the way. AP classes are pushed really hard at our HS and dual enrollment classes are not (they are weighted like a "regular" class.) Although he will have taken 11 AP classes, Son will probably get little AP credit (due to both his scores and the courses the colleges give credit for.) It would have been SO nice if someone, knowing Aspie Son, would have asked us to consider dual enrollment.</p>
<p>Do you ever feel like you've made wrong decision after wrong decision?</p>
<p>I think you are being too hard on yourself. We all have made less than the perfect decisions for our kids but we all give it our best. It would be so much easier with a 20-year future forecasting device in hand as we made these decisions!</p>
<p>With respect to your son, you were dealing with a somewhat specialized situation so that makes it even more challenging -- for yourselves as parents as well as for the school administration. (The school probably mostly cares that he graduate in time and is accepted at an appropriate college.) I would not beat myself up over the dual enrollment pass. If you are concerned about your son taking a full load in college, can he take a class or two during the summer? January term options may also be available when he is in college.</p>
<p>IMO what you should focus on now is to make sure that he will be at a college that is a good match for him and that will provide good support.</p>
<p>Missypie, I feel like we make or are making wrong choices all the time. We utterly failed with D1. I have some real questions with regard to D2 that have me completely paralyzed. I know these things are above my ability and there comes a limit to how much one can impose on cyber friends.</p>
<p>Point being: I know exactly what you mean. Just remember with a reduced course load (if you ever make that choice), to be sure how many credits your insurance carrier requires.)</p>
<p>As far as dual enrollment, a bunch of the schools my daughter is looking at won't accept any dual enrollment for credit or placement unless the courses are taken on the college campus and aren't included in the high school GPA.</p>
<p>In the end, I don't think I did. However, during the process (D is currently a freshman in college), I wondered a number of times if I was doing the right thing in terms of a general plan for guiding her. It think this is normal. Helped that I had an older son who we stumbled along with -- no really laid out plan and miraculously it worked out.</p>
<p>Just as we figured out everything we did wrong in HS with our first daughter, here comes the second one. A completely different animal for whom nothing we learned the first time around applies. </p>
<p>Our only consolation? We tried, and try, our best. I know you do, too. </p>
<p>What's done is done -- it's time to focus on what to do now. Your son is lucky to have you in his corner. </p>
<p>Like JEM said, taking a few classes in the summer is a great way to lighten the load during the school year. In my experience, there was less pressure then, too. Students and profs seemed more relaxed.</p>
<p>*Just as we figured out everything we did wrong in HS with our first daughter, here comes the second one. A completely different animal for whom nothing we learned the first time around applies. *</p>
<p>Mine, too. Three totally different individuals. I truly enjoy their differences, but it sure would be helpful if they were academic cookie cutters!</p>
<p>I believe that we have made some serious mistakes with S1's education. S2 is very different, and we are probably making different mistakes with him. </p>
<p>I don't think it's easy to raise kids these days.</p>
<p>Given the number of moving pieces involved in ushering a child from birth to college, I'm sure there have been periods of doubt for every parent. This is especially true if the child has special needs, amd I'm always silently applauding in my mind the extra efforts these parents expend on behalf of their children.</p>
<p>We all make mistakes, learn from them (and those of others, some of which we hear of here) and soldier on.</p>
<p>There's a clique that I always liked for these situations: When life gives you lemons, make lemonade!</p>
<p>Given the number of moving pieces involved in ushering a child from birth to college, I'm sure there have been periods of doubt for every parent. This is especially true if the child has special needs, amd I'm always silently applauding in my mind the extra efforts these parents expend on behalf of their children.</p>
<p>There's a mom I know with two kids in public HS, one in public middle school, and the youngest - a special needs child - in a private school quite a few miles away. I bet she's glad that the special needs child is the youngest...what she learned about the school system with kids 1-3 was very valuable to her in assessing the direction to go with child #4.</p>
<p>I heartily agree with JEM that the top priority should be helping our kids find the school that will be the best match in all ways, regardless of previous "wrong" decisions. It seems to me that many of the choices that have to be made regarding education are made by the students themselves, and that parents shouldn't beat themselves up too much.</p>
<p>The big "mistake" with our D involved her college choice. We, too, have a special situation, in that our D has two types of serious mental illness, one of which was diagnosed while she was in middle school, and the other which did not manifest until after she entered college. </p>
<p>Due to a scholarship and tuition remission from my H's work, she did not have to pay tuition to the top ten university to which she was admitted. So she chose that school, even though she was unhappy with it for many other reasons. We were unable to influence her decision, and she did not need our financial support. The coursework was too challenging for a person in her state of mind, and she was not successful there. I do think she could have done better elsewhere, and I hope that we will be able to help her find another, more reasonable path. She is working full-time, living on her own and doing well at a community college while she ponders her future and regrets the past.</p>
<p>It's hard for me to make mistakes regarding D's high school education, because she doesn't listen to my advice and recommendations. If I suggest an honors course, she takes the regular. If I suggest the regular course, she takes the advanced. If I suggest a visit to her counselor, she rolls her eyes. If I say the sky is blue . . . you get the picture.</p>
<p>That said, my friend has a D who is a couple years older than mine, and I'm learning a lot from her mistakes. Now if only I could put that knowledge to good use!</p>
<p>I suppose it's a little unorthodox for a student to be posting in this particular thread, but I'll try anyway:</p>
<p>Every parent makes mistakes. Going down the wrong path is just a part of life; has anybody ever been blessed with the foresight to make every correct decision? My parents have expressed to me on numerous occasions that they feel as though they are failing me, no matter how much I've tried to talk them out of that idea. That they got married young and without college educations -- causing us to be on welfare for most of my life -- may seem like a "mistake" to them, but I have learned from their hardships how to stretch a dollar and work hard for what I want. They took me out of an accelerated math class in the sixth grade so that I could be happy with friends instead of having social anxiety and throwing up every day before school, and I've still turned out to be an honor student (albeit deficient in mathematical ability, but that's my brain chemistry, not subpar parenting). My mother especially regrets the majority of these decisions, and my father has been depressed that he can't pay for me to go to college, but the former made or will make me happier in the long run and the latter teaches me how to be independent.</p>
<p>In a nutshell, don't regret anything that you have done (or not done) for your children. We'll turn out fine. We appreciate and respect almost everything that you do, even if we often complain rather than give out hugs.</p>
<p>Oh, heck, yes! Should we have had him in special ed schools? Should we have mainstreamed him sooner? Should we have sued the school district? Do we sue the school district now? Should we have moved to a neighboring school district which has much better schools, rather than sticking with the district we are in? (That's looking like a "yeah, we certainly should have" at the moment!) Do we look at early college, or a better high school, or homeschool? </p>
<p>No matter what we do, we will always, always second-guess the decision. Is there one "right" decision? I don't know; there are always options and nuances and unforeseen events that color whatever decision gets made.</p>
<p>No matter how old your child nor how many other kids you have, parenting is learned the hard way: by doing it. It's one job on has to learn how to do on the job.</p>
<p>You do the best you can with what you've got.</p>
<p>I feel like we have done an excellent job of making sure our children get the most out of their high school education. My children have taken both AP and dual enrollment classes, and have done very well in all of their classes. They also have several learning disabilities.</p>
<p>One thing I did is not listen or follow the advice from the ARD meetings. The teachers didn't follow the IEP any way. I knew my children would over come the negative LD label and be successful. I believed in my children and not the system.</p>
<p>One graduated in the top 5% of the class and the other is in the top 3%. They have also won numerous awards in art, math, music and science.</p>
<p>BTW, I was told when they were in 1st grade they would never be able to read, write, do math, or EVER go to college!</p>
<p>Ahhh, missypie! How timely this is for me! I am the the type of person who tries to plan things four steps ahead and then is surprised that things don't always work out how I planned! :) We are currently struggling with D2 making a choice not to participate in a long time winter EC. DH is devastated but I agree with her decision. How do we ever know what is the right path? I think she has to find her own path and if it is the wrong choice the harm is not that great. Our children learn to be resilient and to take charge. sigh....remind me that I said this later. ;) ;0 I'm sure you have done the best you can and you sound like you are a wonderful advocate for your son. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself a little love!</p>
<p>* My mother especially regrets the majority of these decisions, and my father has been depressed that he can't pay for me to go to college, but the former made or will make me happier in the long run and the latter teaches me how to be independent.*</p>
<p>Your parents raised a great kid! I'm so sick of kids bemoaning the fact that their parents can't/won't pay for their $50,000 per year school. You have a wonderful attitude!</p>
<p>I think for students with special needs, esp Asperger's, it is just as important (if not more important) that we prepare them with the life/social skills that they will need to succeed in college and as adults. In my Aspie S's case, there were opportunities for him to take dual enrollment courses during hs, but both transportation logistics and his social/developmental level at the time led me to believe he would be better off taking all his classes at just one school campus where he could also easily participate in ECs, rather than dealing with the transition to a college campus and learning to socialize with college-age students. He truly matured and blossomed socially during the middle of his hs yrs and I think he would have missed out on some of this development had he attempted the dual enrollment route. Of course, all kids are different - even Aspie kids. And we were fortunate that he attended a hs with some really great teachers who were willing to with him and recognized his differences even though he received no specific learning accommodations (although he did have an IEP).</p>