<p>So a teacher for one of my classes has been really picking on me and making me depressed. I'm pretty sure she isn't doing it on purpose but she is REALLY bugging me. </p>
<p>The story started when I wrote an essay about me being on CC (yeah weird topic...I related it to what I thought it was about my HS). I guess I made it look like I had no life, which I will admit my social life is lacking, but it does exist. </p>
<p>So all this year she has been making comments about that. Such comments include, "You don't have that many friends do you?" Also, "You're one of those people who doesn't want to be around people, just stay in most of the day, and be around about 1 person at most." </p>
<p>I really don't think she means harm by it, but it is REALLY bothering me. I'm always calm around her, but when I get with my friends I'm kinda crazy. I don't want to tell her that though. Also I don't want to bad mouth her, not only because I still have her in class, but she also wrote a letter of rec for me and still writing more. </p>
<p>She’s trying to help you, I assume.
I’m quiet and people are constantly acting as if there’s something wrong with me that needs to be changed. I get the lecture from at least one teacher every year about how I’m going to somehow be hurt later in life because I don’t have friends in high school. I don’t think it matters because no one ever stays friends with people from high school. </p>
<p>“Such comments include, ‘You don’t have that many friends do you?’ Also, ‘You’re one of those people who doesn’t want to be around people, just stay in most of the day, and be around about 1 person at most.’”</p>
<p>There is nothing wrong with either of these things, whether or not they’re true for you, and I don’t think she’s really trying to insult you. These are just typical characteristics of introverted people.</p>
<p>The next time she makes one of those comments, I would just say, after class, politely,</p>
<p>“I know you don’t mean anything by xxx and yyy, but they actually really stick with me for a long time and hurt me, and I would appreciate it if you were a little more careful.”</p>
<p>A lot of poeple don’t realize how much what they’re saying affects somebody-- it might be that the teacher doesn’t realize they’re doing it. I’m sure the teacher isn’t intentionally doing it to be mean, and if you phrase it nicely and privately, I’m sure (or would strongly hope) that she understands.</p>
<p>The only time I get quiet/introverted comments is from my mother, and I usually respond with a description of what introverts are (and that I don’t need help, thanks), but I don’t think that would be appropriate here.</p>
<p>The answer is to tell her off. Screw politeness and political correctness. I’d respond, “glad you know about my life so much. Care to tell me what I’ll do next?”</p>
<p>I totally understand what you mean. I realized last summer that a teacher I had class with for 90 minutes a day, every day for the last 2 years, and whom I have a very personal relationship with both in and out and school, really didn’t know me at all. It was just that many of the people in the classes I had with her i was not friends with, and they weren’t the people I would ideally like to be friends with, so I was fine to just sit and be quiet and not talk that much. Well, over the summer I went on a European exchange with her and she paired me with a host sister who was literally everything I hated in a person, and my teacher honestly thought we would get along great because we were “so similar!” Needless to say I was shocked. This teacher also incessantly makes comments about what I wear (tight athletic clothes which she hates), and my eating habits (no breakfast). This all accumulated to the point of me coming up to her one day balling my eyes out and having a huge confrontation/heart to heart on the spot that lasted for like 45 minutes. Our relationship is a lot better now that that happened and that she’s had the opportunity to see the happy me with my real friends, but bottom line, I suggest you don’t let it get to that point.
Assuming you like her (which you must since you asked her for LORs), be subtle about it. When she says something rude about not having friends, just casually be like “Ha I DO have friends, I just take the class seriously and don’t feel like messing around with them in school.” Or something like that. Not rude, just just a little comment back will let her know you don’t appreciate it. Just a simple playful “yeah staying in is fine once in a while, but that’d suck if I did that all the time!” Then change the subject.</p>
<p>I was gonna give some personal stories about how despite my extroversion, I’ve had situations where I didn’t know anyone and didnt talk but got over it, but I realized that doesn’t help you. Really just talk to her after class, and say ud appreciate it if she’d stop.</p>
<p>Am I the only person who would belt the teacher in the jaw? That is not only wayyy out of bounds, but if she really says it the way you say she does, it’s incredibly rude.
Unless the teacher is a homeroom teacher or guidance counselor who has reason to be interested in your interpersonal behavior, there is really no reason why she should have the right to make comments like that.
What baffles me is the way she’s saying it. Some teachers will try to set you up for assignments with the popular kids, or go over to you and ask if you want to talk about anything, but this just seems for the sake of talking about it. No sense to me.
I’d go to a different teacher for recs, and speak your mind- politely, if you feel it necessary, but thoroughly. It is not right for her to be doing this.</p>
<p>I would still go politely the first time, and get more aggressive if she continues to do it after she asks you to stop. No reason to burn bridges if you don’t need to.</p>
<p>I agree with the thought that this might not be the right teacher to be giving your recs. You don’t want a rec saying you are the type who doesn’t play well with others.</p>