I'm a cruel person.

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I cannot tolerate laziness, or deliberate stupidity.</p>

<p>I have found out that a "friend" whom I so happen to not know very well encompasses these two attributes during AP US history. In fact, 90% of that class at the moment is filled with incompetent people who do not have the work ethic to survive the very rigorous class. Anyway, she's always asking me the most absurd questions, such as "Do we have to study in this class to pass?" And when I say "of course", she goes, "But that's just you, dang perfectionist." Of course, she says this with contempt, which makes me wonder, "Well, why did you ask me anyway?" Today she asked me if we had to use the book to do our homework, which happens to be a chart asking for SPECIFIC information regarding the original thirteen colonies. Well, no darn. You need to use the book if you want a good score. I tell her this, and she gets all angry and says, "This is gay." I'm on the verge of telling her to drop out of the class, but I know that would not lead to anything good. So I'm silent. Then she asks the teacher about how hard it is to get a "100" in her class. 100 in AP? Only for the hardest working people, and she definitely is not one of them.</p>

<p>How should I deal with her? She's going to bug me for help for the rest of the year, and when I say no, she is likely to spread rumors and tell people not to befriend me because of my bipolar disorder and yadda yadda yadda. I just hope she drops the class and takes a regular course in due time, for apparently, I don't need to be around people like that, as snobby as it sounds (and I apologize for that). </p>

<p>And if most of my friends are of this nature, should I just drop them completely and continue throughout the year friendless? I can't make friends with people who have the same work ethic/aspirations as I do. I think I mentioned before that that would be like entering an arms race and that much backstabbing and envy would ensue, as if it already hasn't sparked. But again, am I better off with no friends?</p>

2

<p>Ignore your friends during class. You should inform them " I am sorry, but during class, I care about nothing but class, I just want you to know." It is soooo evil to tell someone to drop an AP class, apparently, she made the cut to get in, didn't she? I know, not everyone in AP deserves it, but let it go, it doesn't hurt you.</p>

3

<p>In my opinion, friends in the same league as you will be some of the best friends you can make. If one or two of them are competetive and you don't like that, just don't talk to them so much. Not all of them will be like that.</p>

4

<p>There is no cut to get in. You sign in, and you're in. You can drop out if it's too much to handle, though. I wish there was a cut to get in...</p>

5

<p>Move away from her...physically. If you have assigned seats (which in my opinion is sort of puerile...it is an AP course) then just slowly be a little more annoyed and a little less tolerant of her until she gets the picture...which it seems may take a while for this girl :) sorry you're in this situation, I have been many times, and it sucks!</p>

6

<p>I have a low tolerance level of people that act stupid on purpose as well... I can feel your frustration radiating through the screen.</p>

<p>Best bet? Ignore her to your best extent.</p>

7

<p>yea. i can't stand those kind of people either.</p>

<p>just play her dumb game and say "i dunno"... "i dunno"... "i dunno"... "i dunno" and eventually she'll HOPEFULLY be able to predict your answer next time she wants to ask a dumb question (but then again, some people just never get the drift). if that doesn't work, then start asking her questions as stupid as the ones she asks you, like "waaaait, does the midterm tomorrow count as part of our grade? nobody told me that!!!!"</p>

<p>but don't go friendless. keep the friends you have, just don't get too close to them or else you'll scream. there ought to be SOMEBODY on the same caliber as you who isn't all competitive and back-stabbing to be on top. look for one of those quiet people in the back of them room. those people are usually quite interesting.</p>

<p>good luck!</p>

8

<p>'How should I deal with her? She's going to bug me for help for the rest of the year, and when I say no, she is likely to spread rumors and tell people not to befriend me because of my bipolar disorder and yadda yadda yadda.'</p>

<p>This "friend" is no friend. I make the statement not just because of her stupid questions (which sound deliberately stupid) and contemptuous answers (which are totally unacceptable), but because of what you wrote above.</p>

<p>You may have known her a long time and you even may socialize with her, but anyone who treats you with contempt and would try to get people to avoid you is no friend. </p>

<p>You need to distance yourself from this person -- physically in class and elsewhere. </p>

<p>If all of your friends are like this, yes, eventually you'll need to replace them with new friends who really are friends. That doesn't mean that you need to drop them all right now and go friendless, just be on the lookout for people who are really going to be friends with you. Also, recognize that when your current "friends" act cruel or contemptuous, you have the right to call them on their behavior, and should. An example, "When you called my statement "gay," that hurt my feelings, and I would appreciate it if you wouldn't say things like that to me." If they respond that you're "too sensitive" or they were "joking," you can follow up with a statement like, "I don't appreciate being blamed for my reaction," and you can walk away from the encounter or otherwise end the conversation. </p>

<p>Just because you are bi-polar and smart doesn't mean you can't have friends who care for you, have similar values with you, and treat you nicely. I have at least 2 friends who are bi-polar. Both are smart people who care a great deal for others, and also have friends who are good friends who know about their illness and wouldn't hold it against them any more than a friend would hold another's having cancer against them.</p>

<p>My advice is to take the time to look for others in your classes and ECs who share your work ethic (even if they aren't as smart as you) and seem to be nice people. Look for ways of building friendships with them, and eventually, you'll have one or more friends who are real friends and can replace the group of acquaintances you now call friends. </p>

<p>There will be some people who will appreciate you and like you for being exactly who you are. Depending on what your high school is like, there may be a few or many people like that. However, having just one good friend -- who shares your values, likes you and is kind -- means more than having a lot of so-called friends who are not friends at all.</p>

<p>With a careful selection of a college that matches your values, you can have a larger group of friends than you may be able to have in high school.</p>

<p>One of my friends who is bi-polar, brilliant, kind, and with an absolutely fabulous sense of humor, had a very rough time in high school because the other students didn't get her intelligence or humor. Even as an adult, she feared that others wouldn't like her because she's smart and because of her sense of humor.</p>

<p>I invited her as a guest to my book group (a small group with other smart, nice women with wicked senses of humor), and everyone liked her so much that she became the first new person invited to join the group. The vote was unanimous. The things that others had thought were wieird about her are things that we love about her. While I'm the only one who knows she's bi-polar, I know that if she chooses to tell the others, they are not going to close their minds to her. At least two other group members are on antidepressants (something the rest of the group knows), so they know what it's like to have a mental illness, and wouldn't shun or avoid someone because of such a problem.</p>

<p>I am glad that you posted on CC so that at such an early age, you can learn more about how to select good friends. Decades after I graduated from college, I learned that some really nice people had considered me the "nice girl with the "b" for a best friend and the narcissist for a boyfriend." Way into adulthood, I had to learn how to choose people as friends who really would be friends, not people who treated me with contempt, disdain or who seemed to not appreciate and share my values. </p>

<p>One last thing: You are not a cruel person. Your friends are cruel. Interestingly, I also used to think I was a cruel person. It took a very long time -- way into adulthood and through a couple of bouts of therapy -- for me to realize that I'm actually unusually kind and tolerant (even though like you, I do share a dislike of people who are lazy in activities that I care about). It was my friends and the people who were trying to use me who were cruel.</p>

<p>Hugs to you!</p>

9

<p>Maybe you should befriend people who are just as competitive in schoolwork as you are. Just dont talk about your grades. I dont really talk to my friends about my grades, but since we're all in the same higher classes we end up helping each other instead. And if they ask you about your grades just say something ambiguous like, "My grade was decent." If they don't know about your grade then theres nothing to be envious or cocky about.</p>

10

<p>Listen to northstarmom.</p>

<p>She is one wise woman.</p>

11

<p>I just want to thank everyone for all the thoughtful input.</p>

<p>And NorthstarMom, you are one brilliant woman. Thank you so much for taking the time to give me some very good advice that I shall hold dear to my heart for years to come. Really, this means a lot to me.</p>