<p>I’m a single mom, sort of on the other side of the picture, in that I filed the fafsa based on my income. First of all, what he poster is saying is illogical. He is not entitled to see his ex’s fafsa. That has all her financial info and he’s not entitled to it. He can go to court all he likes and spend a gazillion dollars (and that is helpful because…?), but no judge will order in his favor. And that’s the undercurrent here–he sounds ‘nice and loving’ - gee whiz he just wants to help his daughter - but all I hear are veiled threats: SHow me that fafsa or I take you to court. If I’m misreading, fine. But what I hear is a dad who really wants control over his ex wife either through intimidation or fear. The threat of court is absurd–a motion for what precisely? There is no need to share any information yet. If he were really interested in his daughter, then all he has to do is…talk to her! Yeah, how 'bout that one? She’s 18. But she has not found out yet what the financial awards are. She will find out in mid April or so. These financial awards are based on the fafsa, which is TO THE EX-FATHER’S BENEFIT because ONLY the mother’s income is on it. So right off the bat, he is benefiting. Ok, so once the daughter finds out what the awards are, dad can talk to her and find out how much he will pay or would like to pay (what the non custodial is expected to pay for college differs on a case by case basis and also state by state). Since he says he is all for equal sharing, great. When those financial award letters come out and if his daughter is clueless (I find that hard to believe, but ok), then he should just talk to his ex wife. In a calm, non accusatory way. Just, “Ok, can I have a copy of the different award letters so I can see how much I should pay.” There is NO REASON on the planet that his ex wife would withhold the final decision letters from him unless she wants to pay the whole thing herself. He simply needs to wait. Right now he is making it FAR FAR worse with his threats to go to court, his hysteria and his suspicions.</p>
<p>Kudos to the OP for wanting to help pay for his daughter’s college.
I’ve seen too many divorced fathers just bow out of the picture.</p>
<p>Yes, Kudos for wanting to help pay…as long as he isn’t using his daughter’s college bill as a way to continue warring with his ex-wife.</p>
<p>I don’t think it’s that simple. If the divorce and relationship is not a good one, the OP may just want to make sure that he is paying his fair share. I know a number of cases where one ex spouse stuck it to the other just because s/he could. </p>
<p>Hopefully, he has been included in the college process. Since he is going to pay a share of the costs, all parties should know what he is able and willing to share. I have a feeling that he is basing that on what ex wife is able to pay, which is why he wants the EFC, a number his D should have been able to tell him since she has seen the FAFSA paperwork. </p>
<p>If the OP is not bound by law or contract, he can certainly put down his conditions for paying. Since he can get the COA for the college easily, and he knows his own financials, the only sticking point is how the bill should be split. And he wants to know what ex wife is able to afford before he makes a commitment to pay his share. He wants as much information as possible. Apparently the EFC is something he wants to use in deciding what he is going to pay. </p>
<p>It’s his call as to what he is going to pay. Hopefully he has stipulated the conditions under which he will pay whatever amount. The figure might be one that involves his ex wife’s finances and what FAFSA says she is able to pay. If that is the case, he should run his numbers through an online calculator and come up with a similar figure–he does not have to officially run it through FAFSA. Then the COA can be prorated according to EFC.</p>
<p>What I hope the OP is keeping in mind is that the FAFSA is an arbitrary calculator that does not take a number of things in consideration. If there is a step parent involved here, it will take his income because that is just the way the calculator works. The step parent has no legal responsibility to pay that figure attributed to his finances, and in many second and subsequent marriages, that is something that is made clear. </p>
<p>To the OP, what do think is the fair way to determine your share of the cost?</p>
<p>The Fafsa is not relevant to the dad. What is relevant is the financial award letter. In my own case, my EFC was $4000. Even though my ex earns $140K. That’s because in the Fafsa, you only put your own income. The dad is benefiting financially from this arrangement. </p>
<p>The financial award letters from the various schools will differ depending on the school. The dad cannot know what they are until the daughter gets the letters. They won’t come until APril or so. Each school that accepts his D (hopefully more than one, but all they need is one), will have their own proposal. In my own case, for my son, one school didn’t offer any scholarship, only loans and work study. Another college offered mostly grants. In fact, the most expensive school ended up being the best deal. That is where my son went. No one can know this UNTIL THE LETTERS COME OUT. </p>
<p>As for the dad being ‘nice’ to help pay. Wow. I don’t know quite what to say here. It is not ‘nice’ any more than it’s ‘nice’ for the mom. It is his obligation to his child. The fact that some dads won’t pay is irrelevant and doesn’t make this dad ‘nice.’ Every state is different and every divorce settlement is different. I have no idea what the dad’s settlement stipulates and it is none of my business. Some settlements stipulate the exact proportion each party will need to pay. Others don’t. Absent a specific proportion, most states assume a proportional contribution, often 55%/45%. But it could be different. Some states do a rough 1/3, 1/3 1/3 mother, father, child. I don’t know what this dad has agreed on, but I do know that he ought to help pay for his daughter, he himself says he will and the rest is mind games. He should stop playing the power/mind games and just wait for the financial letters to come out. Then he can worry about what the contribution will be. The Fafsa and EFC is not relevant to anything and his insistence of getting a peek at them reeks of a way for him to harass his ex wife and try to find out what her income is so he can use it against her in any child support motion (he himself says he is willing to go to court).</p>
<p>Stop battling this battle! Move on. Your daughter is going to college! Yay! How exciting! Maybe you can visit it with her when she decides where to go. Maybe you can listen to her thought process about which she likes and which she doesn’t. If she is undecided - if say, her top choice is financially going to cost $10K more per year - maybe you can go visit it with her to see what she loves about it. Join in on the process. It is fun. it is once in a lifetime. When she starts, maybe you can go shopping with her to help her equip her dorm room. Maybe you can help her find a job at school under work study. Move on and stop worrying about your ex wife. Please. For your daughter.</p>
<p>Honestly, I think you all are being a little harsh. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for the girl’s mom to share the EFC from the FAFSA with Dad.</p>
<p>I think he just want to plan for expenses. While there is not an award letter yet - Mom surely knows if the EFC is $3000 or $15000. Knowing this can put Dad in the general ball park.</p>
<p>I absolutely do agree and recommend that Dad go through his daughter. If Mom is overbearing then he needs to help the daughter develop some backbone. It’s her college and her responsibility.
For the daughter to develop this skill of working with both parents will benefit all into adulthood.</p>
<p>I have a friend who is a stepmom to two college aged kids. They have little to do with her or their dad, who is her husband. He has paid the court ordered child support with COL increases and done all else that is required, and there have been frequent invitations for the kids to partake in this side of the family’s events. Once the kids got older, they preferred not to participate, their mother did not push it, and it was getting ugly for the Dad to insist. This often happens as the kids get very busy in their lives, schools, friendships, etc. It came down to mandatory holiday visits and money as the sole relationship though Dad did call regularly, e-mail and write to the kids.</p>
<p>Come college cost time, however, the kids seemed to feel that Dad who is under no legal responsibility to pay, should pay the lion’s share of the bill since Mom is a SAH wife, and step dad does not want to pay. It was a nasty, nasty shock to them to learn that FAFSA included the step dad’s financial and did not even ask about the natural dad’s. My friend and her husband have little idea of what his ex’s household financial situation is. The information was never offered, and they felt it was none of their business. Friend and husband do very well financially and the child support payments were generous, and they often paid for extras without a murmur including ski trips, vacations and other opportunities that the kids had. </p>
<p>Well, the ex and the kids now claim that unless Dad pays the bill, they can’t go to college. That the loss of the child support is going to be a big blow financially as the family was living in part on that income and that there is no money for college. Dad’s response is that he wants to see the financials, namely the FAFSA to see where that side of the family is situated relative to his financial situation, in order for him to pay what he deems is fair. That’s when things got nasty.</p>
<p>Two years later, after my friend and husband refused to pay a dime after high school graduations for two kids without the info, there is finally going to be a meeting with the financials laid out, after it has been made crystal clear that they were not going to pay without information and that under the law, they do not have to pay a thing. That’s what it finally took. One kid commuted to a local college, and the other has been accepted to a state school for this fall, and apparently the custodial family is not able/willing to pay the cost. </p>
<p>If this is the sort of situation OP has, I can see why he wants all of the info. Personally, looking at my kids, I would want to pay what I could and not get into a match like this even if I held all of the cards, since the welfare and education of the child is what would matter. But I see how these things happen.</p>
<p>Hoveringmom you are right on!!! I also am on the other side and agree with your points. We had college bills agreed to in the MSA. They are proportioned between us based on income. However, we used in-state rates to establish an amount we would together commit to. Son wants to go out of state. I think I may have to pay more, …sigh. I have not gotten back to my ex because school isn’t chosen and award letters are not out until April.</p>
<p>Divorced dad here. Ex filed out the FAFSA. I never saw it and didn’t ask. I did the filing of my information for PROFILE and Ex didn’t ask for or see that. We are Ex’s so what our individual financials look like is no longer the business of the other person.</p>
<p>I know that the college sent the financial information to my address, but I am nearly positive the college sent the same information to Ex. I am positive that both S’s mom and I get a copy of the statment for each semester. Can OP call or have the daughter call the school and make sure OP is in “in the loop?”</p>
<p>On the bugeting issue, knowing the EFC gives a ball park. Daughter needs to get this information to Dad however she has to do it. Going back to court only enriches the attorneys (and I am a lawyer) and keeps the pot boiling.</p>
<p>Folks, I appreciate all of the advice and suggestions. Thank you. I do want to clarify a few things. If in my initial post I indicated that I wanted to see the FAFSA, I misspoke. I meant that I wanted to know what the EFC was, and frankly, I think I have a right to see that number. Also, the financial aid award letter has been received, but I have not seen it nor have I been told how much aid my daughter is being offered. I’m trying to work that out.</p>
<p>I can certainly understand those posters who say that the situation is simple and that I am making it more complicated than it needs to be. Obviously I cannot go into detail here in the forum, but there are many other factors at work here, that do unfortunately make this a complicated situation.</p>
<p>I think you have a right to see the EFC as well. But try and avoid court.</p>
<p>I empathize with you. I hope that you and your daughter have a good relationship and if not as she approaches adulthood it will improve.
Mostly, I hope she appreciates what sacrifices you are willing to make.
Good Luck</p>
<p>Believe me, court is a last resort. As I said, the situation is complex, but I will avoid that route if I can.</p>
<p>You absolutely have a right to see that award letter. No question about that. Ultimately, that comes back to your daughter, though. She can either copy it for you or get/print another copy from the college. If you don’t get it promptly, then your daughter needs to be held accountable.</p>
<p>The EFC really is irrelevant, as many others have said. The important information is the financial aid letter(s) from your daughters college(s), which shows how much THEY expect your daughter and her family to pay.</p>
<p>I don’t see any reason that your daughter can’t simply contact the school(s) and authorize them to send you a duplicate copy of the award letter. Her mother doesn’t need to know she’s done so–and if Mom is as huge a control freak as you describe, it’d probably be best if she didn’t.</p>
<p>The second biggest favor you can do your daughter is to handle this calmly and without drama. The <em>biggest</em> favor you can do is help her learn some better skills for handling her mother’s behavior herself, like the adult she nearly is. You have to deal with your ex for the next four years; your daughter has to deal with her for the rest of her life. Do her a favor and help her learn some coping skills for standing up for herself, separating herself from her mom’s craziness.</p>
<p>I agree that the EFC is irrelevant because there’s no guarantee that the college will offer scholarships to cover the difference between COA and EFC. In most cases there’s either a gap or some of the difference is made up by a loan, which is hardly “free” money. However, the EFC gives a general sense of what the parameters are. </p>
<p>If a college’s cost of attendance is $25,000 and the EFC is $30,000, then obviously there won’t be an expectation of any aid. If COA is $25,000 and EFC is $10,000, one can hope for $15,000 in aid but again, there’s no guarantee. </p>
<p>Since the award letter has been issued, the OP can know for sure and can make appropriate plans to pay what he feels is fair. What he can’t do is to ensure that his ex pays the remainder, and so he’d need to educate himself on what the options might be (including loans if necessary). He also needs to have this discussion with his D, so that she fully understands her father’s commitment and possibly its limitations. As cptofthehouse pointed out, in some families it’s the kids who get caught in the middle and have to delay college.</p>
<p>I agee with JustAMomof4 that some of you are being a bit harsh. As I listed in post 55, most states do not have case law that obligate parents to pay for college, divorced or not. Since the OP did not have a negotiated agreement for post-high school support, one can assume he’s in one of the majority of states that do not mandate this. </p>
<p>If the D is going to a FAFSA school, there are lots of advantages to the father, especially if the custodial parent (mother) has a lower income. Compare that to a Profile school that requires non-custodial parent’s income to be reported; the EFC could be more than double what it is now.</p>
<p>This is perhaps a cautionary tale that college expenses need to be nailed down in any divorce settlement agreement. I live in a state where there is no legal obligation for parents to pay for college, but my divorce agreement laid out very specifically how college would be paid for.</p>
<p>I normally wouldn’t “jump in” on page 7, but I find this whole thread distressing. It’s apparent that neither Ex has moved on from the divorce. Why? Because as many prior posters has said, there isn’t a problem here – at least no problem that’s been presented by the OP. The college hasn’t been chosen, the FA letter not yet received, the bill as yet unavailable. Given the above, I don’t see how the Mom’s EFC will be of any use whatsoever. What’s the equation? Dad’s contribution = (Dad’s unknown proportional contribution) times (COA - FA) … with all terms on the right side of the equation currently unknown.</p>
<p>When a bill is eventually generated, the FA piece will be listed. No bill, no payment — what could be simpler than that?</p>
<p>OP - You daughter is now an adult. Talk to her. When you do, resist the temptation to “use” her for back door access to her mother’s “stuff.”</p>
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<p>Not every divorce is resolved by settlement. In a state with no post-HS support for children of the marriage (over 2/3rd of the US), those whose divorce was litigated rather than settled aren’t going to have any college legal obligations. </p>
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<p>That was my circumstance, a litigated divorce in a state w/o post-HJS child support, but I didn’t have the information problem, Ex and I agreed post-divorce to split college and we have both lived up to our word. Clearly co-operation isn’t always the result with or without an agreement.</p>
<p>Of course the EFC is of use. It will tell Dad whether or NOT the daughter will even qualify for financial aid.
We don’t have even a general idea of Mom’s standard of living or if there are other children. I sure was interested in my kids’ EFC when we applied for financial aid.
It obviously won’t tell the whole story but it will give Dad a general idea. </p>
<p>I sure would not want to be in the position of agreeing to pay a very large bill in July and have no control over it. If Dad is expected to pay then Mom should be above board - IMO. If also don’t understand Mom hiding the information from the daughter - perhaps Mom is afraid the daughter will go to Dad with it? How bizarre.</p>
<p>Anyway - the EFC is important, as a starting point. To keep Dad in the dark is uncalled for.</p>
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<p>Post #31.</p>
<p>How can the EFC tell you much of anything? If the family has a very low EFC, I think the OP would know it. It has to be very low before the Pell kicks in. I doubt if that is the case, for some reason. Any other number isn’t going to say much at all since the EFC is computed without Home equity information and other resources that are most often tapped for colleges. It just gives you some idea of family income which is the main component in the EFC. Also, I don’t know a single college that guarantees to pay costs over the EFC. Most gap terribly. For the more generous schools, you need PROFILE. Also if the D looked at the report, she saw the EFC and can give that one figure to the dad if that is all he wants. As I said, it isn’t helpful without a bunch of other info. So what if the EFC is $20K? What the heck does that mean?</p>