<p>Well, I do keep in touch with S on a daily basis by phone, texting and email. The phone conversation during the week is usually a few minutes long. When I sense he is busy, out, with friends, or impatient (sigh) I’d just cut the conversation short, so I have successfully avoided being hang up on so far. 
I did ask him to set aside a time slot of at least 30 minutes during the weekend so we can talk without distraction, and he did. We reviewed some details I want to know about his experience this past week, and heard him say “It was great! The teachers are interesting, classes are at the right pace, and the dormmates are fun to be with…”. This is just the first week, so I keep my fingers crossed that things can go on like this if not getting better…</p>
<p>Toombs,
While I am not condoning your son’s behavior, I think you have to consider that your questions to him may have been seen as embarrassing and babying. Could there have been others in the room? I don’t know your son, obviously, but if he is able to be trusted to be at school on his own, he should be able to be trusted to take care of his own hygiene. Perhaps a different tact may have been to ask if he is running low on things like shaving cream or stridex pads. My kids would be completely embarrassed if I asked them if they were showering regularly. They might even have hung up on me.
Not trying to be harsh, just know that as the mom to 3 teenagers, there are certain topics best left out from under the microscope.
zp</p>
<p>Perhaps there is an unrealistic expectation on the part of our kids as to the degree of independence they have. While Boarding School looks and feels like college, they are still 14/15 and have the responsibility of communicating to parents in a respectful manner. Agree with you, toombs–no room for “rudeness”…</p>
<p>I left my daughter at school last Saturday. She was at the height of a miserable head cold, had practically no sleep the night before and lost her keys before we even got to her room to move in. To top it off, it was pouring down rain. I left her with feelings of great trepidation. I had the trepidation, she was just running on empty. They found her keys and she lost her voice. Then a day later she lost her id and money cards. She eventually found them at the bottom of her laundry basket a few days later, but not until after I canceled them with the banks. Needless to say it was a rough start…at least for me. Now that she’s feeling better, she seems to be doing just fine. We instant message almost daily through Facebook and text occasionally. Phone calls are short, but she seems to be enjoying the BS life. She even made it into a picture on the school’s website.</p>
<p>toombs,</p>
<p>I have to agree with ZP here. I sometimes get an really harsh look from my children when I correct their hygiene, manners, etc. I have explained to them that as their mother, I am the only one who can say these things to them without being rude; and even then, my time is running out because even coming from me, it will be rude for me to bring up such things within a year or so. Perhaps your son has reached this age? But yikes, I’d be really really miffed if one of them hung up on me. That’s harsh. I admit that I have done it myself a few times (never on my parents) and both times I was so upset that I was worried that whatever would have come out of my mouth would have been worse than hanging up.</p>
<p>Zuzu, we didn’t ask our son whether or not he was being regular with his personal habits. He volunteered out of the blue that he had not shaved in a week and was not showering daily. We then expressed our disappointment and concern. In repsonse…click! This act will not stand. We will address and correct his behavior by all appropriate means available to us.</p>
<p>toombs - good for you! Sound like a little tough love is in order should the 'tude continue.</p>
<p>During my child’s first year, at parents’ weekend, the medical director specifically suggested that parents of freshman boys speak to their sons about hygiene. He said some boys were so bad that it was hard being enclosed in an examining room with them! :S
…and believe me, the girls DO talk about which boys are stinky! haha!</p>
<p>Sorry for the jump to conclusions.
zp</p>
<p>No problem, zuzu. I think that my son is just flexing his muscles a bit, which is not all bad. But, like each of us, he must know his limits.</p>
<p>Toombs, please pardon me for butting in - but might it be best that he learns his limits and understands their value - rather than simply resenting some limits?</p>
<p>2et - your kid is not the ONLY one without laundry service - ask mine :)</p>
<p>Toombs - my daughter hung up on us once - ONCE!!! I’m pretty sure that won’t happen again.</p>
<p>I think withdrawing funds is perfect. We ended up taking away all internet access for the entire summer. Yes, all summer. (This was for an accumulation of bad behavior, especially towards the end of the year.) She actually read a couple of books! So far she is behaving much better this year. I hope it lasts.</p>
<p>Andover’s Dean of Admission has some helpful words of wisdom for parents of new boarding school students on her new online journal.</p>
<p>[Phillips</a> Academy - The Dean’s Journal](<a href=“http://www.andover.edu/ADMISSION/DEANSJOURNAL/Pages/default.aspx]Phillips”>http://www.andover.edu/ADMISSION/DEANSJOURNAL/Pages/default.aspx)</p>
<p>Well done, PhotoOp.</p>
<p>While I have daily snippets by phone or text from child at BS, when should we expect to hear from someone at school about our D/S? We are in week 3 and haven’t heard a peep from dorm parent or advisor. Do others get regular updates or only when an issue arises?</p>
<p>erlanger, my wife and I have heard from my son’s advisor about our child. That said, the advisor contacted us only after we told him about our concerns over our son’s painful battle with his homesickness two weeks ago. Now that our boy has won that battle… for better or worse, my wife and I have heard nothing from our son’s advisor. So, what we have learned about advisors so far (or at least our son’s advisor) is that they(he) will not bother/reach out to you unless you bother/reach out first to them(him).</p>
<p>I agree with Toombs, if there is a problem that you are aware of, or you just want to find out how they are doing from the advisors presepective, you should call the advisor. I asked my d’s advisor what type of contact I could expect and gave her an idea of what to expect from me. They are probably so busy, you will need to initiate contact.</p>
<p>I am sure it can differ from person to person, but typically the advisor has initiated contact only once or twice per semester. Advisors are really busy - teaching, coaching, dorm duty, raising their own families. i would imagine their days are quite long. However, if I ever have questions/concerns, I’ve sent emails and have always heard back with a day or so.</p>
<p>I can certainly relate to son flexing his muscles. When I dropped him off last Saturday and it was nearing the appointed time to leave the campus, my son turned to me and said bye mom and gave me a hug. He was definitely ready for me to leave. I kept asking him to put on some dry clothes and a raincoat and he refused. I had to just leave and remember that I wouldn’t be there every single minute to remind him to do things.</p>
<p>Since then, we’ve talked a couple of brief times, but he definitely has kept the conversations short (not unexpected since he doesn’t like to talk on the phone). I have emailed the dorm counselor to make sure he was okay because he sounded tired. I attribute the tiredness to the long summer and him sleeping in to 1pm or 2pm everyday. The dorm counselor said that he seemed to be doing well and had connected to several other freshmen guys from his dorm.</p>
<p>Overall, my son has said that he really likes his new boarding school and the food was great.</p>
<p>My son said the homework is even more than he imagined and he went to a private school where there was plenty of homework for the last 5 years…
I am lucky if I hear from him every 2-3 days…
I have heard nothing from the advisor but my attitude is no news is good news and my son tells me he is meeting with him regularly so I am confident things are progressing well.
He is having a blast!</p>
<p>We spoke to our daughter last night and noticed another expectation vs reality…</p>
<p>We anticipate our skype call and hope for great news each night–a fun day, having a blast w/great friends, inspiring speakers, teachers… </p>
<p>After talking to her until midnight last night about many nuances of bs, I realized that I need to change my expectations. It’s unrealistic to expect great news each day as she is in the ‘learning what it’s all about phase’. It’s normal that she gets weary of many things. It’s like going away to camp, but it never ends. She sees immaturity, entitlement and pettiness that can come with both. She sees the reality of education–it never has been, nor will be, a perfect system–in any form. </p>
<p>While it’s not easy to observe the crumbling walls of her (too high) expectations, we take comfort in knowing her self-awareness is broadening. Her daily interactions are testing her…and she is learning who she is and who she wants to be. I’m thinking this may be the biggest advantage of bs—giving kids the opportunity to learn self awareness at an accelerated pace because they are far enough away from the protections of parents. </p>
<p>Instead of expecting to hear stories of instant gratification-- “loving a tremendously awesome bs experience” – I’ll try a more realistic approach and focus on how resilient she is after inevitable disappointments; how she sustains motivation over the long haul, and how confident she becomes having survived it all.</p>