<p>We are still waiting for that shoe to fall…I spoke a long time to my son last night and he is still loving everything. He says it is 11 on 10 even compared to his high expectations…
He says the education is beyond what he imagined and that his teachers are all amazing. He has made tons of friends. When we were trying to choose a school after revisit days, he chose this one because the teachers and students seemed to be the most happy of all the schools we visited. Our choice (Mom and Dad)was different than his. I guess he was right…:)</p>
<p>Hopefully that shoe won’t fall for you. Our realizations come from the characteristics of bs’s in general, and not from the particular school itself. For us, it’s healthier to maintain a balanced approach to our daughter’s education, rather than fall into the hype of perceived perfection that bs is idyllic in every way. We’re glad she is distinguishing hype from reality and the good news is that, on balance, she is satisfied with her decision.</p>
<p>I know there have been several occasions on this board where students at boarding school described their experiences in negative terms and people absolutely refused to believe them and tried to discredit them. Hopefully, this thread can be a reality check for folks. Boarding school is after all, high school. But like 2et I am grateful for the experience that my daughter is having. </p>
<p>I do not get the detailed descriptions of what is going on (and did not when she was home), but I can only guess that she is facing some of the same issues that your daughter is and through all of it she is definitely becoming a more resourceful and resilient person. Her current experience is far superior to what her high school experience would have been at her public school.</p>
<p>Just to clarify 2et emdee, I was not trying to discredit what you were saying, just reflecting upon my own experience to date. I do have many friends with children at prep for the first time this year and there are kids experiencing a wide spectrum of emotions. We also have 2 friends who’s children came home before xmas last year because of disappointment. Prep school is an experience sure to include disappointments as well as celebrations but we have been lucky so far is all I am saying…I also wanted to share that, in our case, my son seemed to know best what would suit him.</p>
<p>cdnhockeymom- are you saying you know 2 people who left bs completely before christmas last year? I think that’s what you are saying… I am somewhat surprised cuz you never hear about those stories in CC usually.</p>
<p>PA-C, yes one for Cushing and the second school is escaping me at this moment. Both were boys who had trouble with being away from home, the highly structured environment as well as other factors.</p>
<p>This is long and I’m not sure how much to say. </p>
<p>S is home from BS. There were so many things that didn’t add up to his expectations. The first week he was VERY homesick. Once he got pass the home sickness and was able to get involved with the other students and classwork he was very disappointed. Let me say first of all that he went to a school that is rarely mentioned on CC. He was offered a fantastic merit scholarship. </p>
<p>Here are a few things we found out. The economy (I hope this is the issue) allowed the school to accept students who had been involved in drugs and alcohol before coming. Several students failed at their private schools last year. I will say that the Assistant head did tell me this was a very challenging freshman class. More difficult and problems than pass classes. The no tolerance policy was NOT a no tolerance policy. My son was offered drugs and alcohol on several occasions. His roommate would stay up to 4 or later playing video games. My son asked to change rooms and was told that he could after six weeks. (WRONG ANSWER). My son had a meeting with administration and told them he felt misled and lied to. That all the things he was told about the school were not true. </p>
<p>My son came from a very competitive public school program that basically takes the top 100 students in each grade (starts in 7th grade) and they are placed in a highly academically challenging curriculum. My son ranks 4th in this class with a 99.1 average. So in reality from an academic viewpoint his BS was definitely not a match. There were several classes where he was doing work that he did in 6th grade. At the end of the senior year there are usually about 30 kids who are still in the program and about 15 go to top 20 schools and the other 15 go in state usually with full scholarships. One of the problems at BS was that he felt the kids could care less about the academics. Basically, a few of the people from the school told me they don’t believe in separating kids according to abilities and the whole way my son had been schooled up to this point is totally against their philosophy. </p>
<p>Some things I know now that I didn’t know then -(1) the school prides itself in allowing second chances for its kids (I would never have sent my son to a “second chance school”). (2)I would have specifically asked to go onto their naviance site. This is restricted to senior parents (I believe). (3) I would have spent more time talking to current parents and asked more specific questions. (4) I would have asked if the students going to the top schools (they have a few every year) were boarding students or students of professors from the local university.</p>
<p>We did have some positive experiences with our school. One was the afternoon programs. My son really enjoyed the program he chose. His dorm parent really seemed to understand that the school wasn’t the right place for him and didn’t “beg him or guilt him” into staying. The staff was very helpful when son was experiencing home sickness. But when he was having a problem with the “low” academic standard they had little patience with him. By the way, when he would send me a text he would always say “another fun day at the halfway house”. </p>
<p>Our story has a happy ending. S was allowed back into his old program after missing the first term. He is very busy doing makeup and summer work and the huge workload of the daily classes. He had several friends who left and also called begging to come back into the program. The other students came back after the first week. So he wasn’t the only one who missed the program so much he had to come back. I think this was very helpful so he didn’t feel like he failed.</p>
<p>Wow, Debatemom. Thank you for that post. After all the bells and whistles fade, we have to remember that it is a SCHOOL and we send our children there so that they can be academically challenged. I’m glad that everything has worked out for your son and I hope that this detour will strengthen him. I would be very proud of him. He sounds like a young man who knows what is important and takes responsibility for his education. </p>
<p>I guess yours is a great example of the importance of fit, academic, social, and spiritual fit.</p>
<p>Debatemom,
You are a wonderful parent to listen and act on your son’s behalf. Sounds like he is in the right place, both academically and socially, and I fully expect to see posts from you in 3 years, +/-, telling of the great colleges he has applied to and been accepted.
We live and we learn.
Good luck to you both.
zp</p>
<p>Debatemom - sorry to hear about the trials your son went through. Sounds like he did a great job of advocating for himself. Glad he could get back to his old program.</p>
<p>As a parent of a child who goes to a “top tier” BS, I do know of students who have washed out of her school and gone on to other BS, some fairly well regarded, too. </p>
<p>Personally, I am a fan of second chance schools. Many, if not all, of the top BS are second chance. Second chance does not mean looking the other way or ignoring problem behavior. Many teens, even the brightest, will make a mistake and deserve a chance to learn from that mistake. Just my humble opinion…</p>
<p>Creative - I completely agree that “second chance schools” can be great. I think the BS my son left was a perfect fit for many kids. The problem I have is that the way the school was represented to us and the true school were very different. I was told by the Assistant Head that one student in particular was not making it academically or behaviorally but it was his last chance. The child had been shuffled around so much during the last couple of years. I am glad that child is there and is having a fifth chance (yes 5th). I have no doubt that my child will succeed and be happy in the process not everyone has that. </p>
<p>So I don’t want to discredit the BS my son went to. They have a true purpose. It just so happens that their mission was not the right fit for my child. And knowing my S I would have never sent him to a “second chance school”. On the other hand, my older son who is just as bright but a completely different personality would have loved the BS but would have probably fallen into some of the bad habits that S2 fought against.</p>
<p>ALSO - One thing I found a little unnerving is how easily the admin and teachers were to talk about other students. I can only imagine what they said about S to other parents.</p>
<p>One other thing </p>
<p>If time were not an issue I would have made S stay at least until Christmas but the school district made an exception to allow S back into the program at such a late date. He missed a term and normally that is too much instruction time. So basically, we had a couple of days to make the decision.</p>
<p>If he had stayed until after Christmas he would not have been able to get back into his old program. He would not have even been able to go to the same school. So even though I don’t advocate pulling a child out of BS to quickly we knew that from the hours of phone calls with the BS that S’s issues weren’t likely to change.</p>
<p>Debatemom - Thanks for your clarification. It leads me to believe that I misinterpreted what you said. I was think more in lines of “second strike” - kid gets caught drinking, put on probation but not kicked out. I see now that you are talking about “second chance” schools where many of the kids are there as a result of a problem at other schools, and how that was not a good fit for your son.</p>
<p>DebateMom, that’s some roller coaster ride for both your son and you! It sounds like you son should’ve chosen a school with more academic rigor, but you are lucky that his old school is very good and he could go back to his old program. I am sure he has learned and grown from the experience. Now you just need to find space for the extra “stuff” you bought for him for boarding school. 
Good luck!</p>
<p>I’d be interested in knowing which schools might “second chance schools”, lacking academic rigor, supervision, or discipline.</p>
<p>It seems obvious that DebateMom and her son didn’t appreciate these weaknesses going in, so wouldn’t frank discussion of these schools be of benefit? </p>
<p>Not everyone will be able to attend the elite schools, so there’s a need to be able to identify other academically rigorous schools with solid leadership and supervision, true 2nd tier schools, and not merely “2nd chance” schools posing as 2nd tier.</p>
<p>DebateMom- </p>
<p>Wow! Good for you and your S. I love his text to you, that’s exactly how my eldest would talk! I’m sorry that BS didn’t work out the way you had expected but I am so glad that you were able to have a happy ending. You must be a great parent, sometimes it’s hard recognizing what must be done for our kids, and then doing it.</p>
<p>Soccer_Dad- </p>
<p>While I too would like a frank discussion of some of those schools, I wonder if that’s possible on this forum. If your child is at one of them are you going to advertise that fact? And I would think only current parents and students would be best able to give accurate info about each school.</p>
<p>My s is at Avon , a school that is rarely talked about here on the forum and it is definitely not one of the top tier. But is it a second chance school? I don’t know yet, it may be for some of the boys. I do know that the supervision is excellent, the academics can be as rigorous as different boys require and the leadership is amazing. I have 3 boys and all 3 have different needs, I would be happy to have all 3 graduate from Avon.</p>
<p>scotland–how do you know they are S’s meeting needs after a month? What are you seeing about leadership? I don’t mean to be skeptial, rather I am interesting in contrastingto our experience, which has been more of "thanks for entrusting your kids and u can count on us to take it from here . . . "</p>
<p>Erlanger-</p>
<p>It’s ok to be skeptical! I to have found some "thanks for entrusting your kids and u can count on us to take it from here . . . " at my S’s school. I think that every BS has that line down pat for the parents.</p>
<p>As to meeting his needs we have heard from his adviser and got an update on every class so far. We also got a frank assessment of his work up to this point. As in no problems here, needs to work harder there, including latest grades, etc… He gave us an update on his social life so far. Based on what my S has told us that was pretty accurate as well. It seems that his adviser and his teachers are up to speed on his needs and abilities. Of course it’s only been 3 weeks and we have a long way to go!</p>
<p>Leadership- maybe I was a little eager here! This is more of a feeling I get from talking to the headmaster and different teachers/administrators at the school. Just a positive environment for boys to learn how to be men. Sounds corny I know but I believe it. It’s a little thing but when they send out emails to all the boys they address them as “gentlemen”. Maybe all the schools do that, but since this is my first experience with BS it looks good to me!</p>
<p>We recently returned from parents’ weekend at Cate with a greater appreciation of the school, faculty and students. The entire weekend was well orchestrated and transparent, and we came away reassured that our son is in the perfect environment to learn and grow. All is good.</p>