Family Circumstances - do I include these?

Applying to College
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<p>Hi all,</p>

<p>I am an international student and will be applying to some American college next year. I have some queries regarding my “special” family circumstances and was wondering if the experienced officers/students/parents on CC can offer me some advice on these:</p>

<li><p>I have experienced family violence since young. My parents eventually divorced… I do not get along well with my current stepfather.</p></li>
<li><p>Other than my mum and one of her siblings, no one in my whole extended family has gone to college. As such, even though I am asian, my family does not really emphasize education. </p></li>
<li><p>I have a cousin from China who’s studying here alone and staying at my home. I have been giving her tuition in her studies and she has managed to get into a top6 high school here despite only studying here for 3 years.</p></li>
<li><p>My (step)sister was born at the end of my 8th grade. As I have to take care of her, I did not do well in 9th grade and was too busy to take the most challenging course in 10th grade. My ECs were also somewhat lacking.</p></li>
<li><p>I am also myself an immigrant and my family income has been very low (~US$25,000) until recently, when my mum remarried and she got a great job. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>I know all these are no excuses for my not doing my best. But I really feel that my family circumstances has somewhat limited some of my opportunities. Unlike most kids in my school, I do not take outside tuition or music lessons and have seldom gone overseas for holidays.</p>

<p>Hence, I seek your advice on how do I include some of these details so that the admission officers can have a more holistic perspective on my application. If so, where should I include these information and how should I put them across?</p>

<p>Thank you very much!!! :)</p>

<p>Good luck in all your application!</p>

2

<p>Yes and No. Your best bet is to incorporate the most tragic instances and formulate a plot in how you "overcame" them through essay and personal statement. Definitely mention in your social standings the annual income and maybe a simplified version of circumstances (i.e, broken home, child abuse, early responsibility, etc) but try to avoid making excuses as to why you did poorly in school.</p>

<p>If the school ends up asking why your grades are so poor, explain why. Remember, tons of kids who had s**ty lives get rejected from these schools...</p>

<p>Also, do you have a passion? An impoverished kid who spends available free time devoting himself to x activity is more prized than a try-harder kid with a laundry list of club president an AP recognition.</p>

<p>Perhaps getting involved in activities that relate to preventing the situation you experienced, or maybe even entering writing festivals to explain your unfortunate youth experience. No matter what, be persistent! </p>

<p>There are hundreds of colleges ready and willing to fund impoverished internationals if they prove their devotion. You are held at a much higher standard than native applicants, but also sympathized more than the native impoverished.</p>

<p>GOOD LUCK!</p>

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<p>Hi HSisOverrated, thanks for your reply!!!</p>

<p>I am thinking of writing about my family violence experience in the supplementary essay. I will also be including facts about my volunteer work with a local organization involved in promoting alternatives to family violence... will this be a good idea?</p>

<p>However, I am still not sure how to write about giving tuition to my cousin or taking care of my baby sister. Do I just mention it in the "Additional Info" section? </p>

<p>I am very passionate about research because I enjoy the brainstorming process... and try to devote alot of my time to it. For the past 3 holidays I have worked as a lab assistant. My most recent work is likely to be published, although I do not know if I will be mentioned as a co-author. </p>

<p>Other than that I enjoy volunteer work, perhaps due to my own unhappy experiences (i.e. getting discriminated as an immigrant, physicsl abuse at home). I do not play sports though...</p>

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<p>are you from Singapore?</p>

5

<p>screwitlah: yes</p>

<p>bump. Any other opinions?
Thanks!</p>

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<p>I think writing about how you took care of your family in general would probably be a pretty good essay topic. Maybe write how most kids at your age are still being taken care of, but you instead are doing a lot of the caring.</p>

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<p>I mentioned some family circumstances but not as an excuse--rather to show that I was able to achieve without having the best opportunities, which is something I feel rather strongly about--especially when a lot of people at my school have a bazillion tutors, played piano and violin since the age of three, and are all tri-star athletes. Or so it sometimes seems.</p>

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<p>hebrewhammer: Thanks for your advice! I am leaning towards that approach at this point of time :)</p>

<p>sari: My sentiments exactly. I want to attend a great college like HYP but I probably will not stand a chance compared to my peers... especially since they have so much outside tuition and do not have to worry about anything other than schoolwork. Just curious though, how do you suggest mentioning family circumstances without making it sound like an excuse? Thanks!</p>

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<p>Hey M grandmother is sick this term and me and my mom spend a lot of time taking care of her so my grades have been dropping in just ONE class that requires a large time commitment.</p>

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<p>One thing you could do is include a supplemental essay that focuses on one aspect of the circumstances you named, and write about how that influenced you. Then you could weave in the other information throughout your essay. I didn't do this personally, but I did read about it and it's just an idea. </p>

<p>EG:Talk about your cousin and how she's had an influence on you. Don't talk too much about her, but rather about YOU and how you felt. Then, in the next paragraph, you could do a transition like "After my sister was born, I took care of her and managed to blah blah blah at the same time." Of course, try to make it sound better than that. If you choose to do this essay, stay on the positive side. Talk about how regardless of what you have had to face, you've still been able to succeed and are proud of what you have achieved. </p>

<p>Often times you can also allude to or subtly mention or nonchalantly talk about certain conditions you've had to face, whether in a side paragraph or in a full supplemental essay--like about how you've had to take care of your family, like a poster above me said, but also including the other various aspects. The admissions people will be smart enough to note that, even if you don't come out and say it explicitly.</p>

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<p>I would recommend you sprinkle some of this information around, because there are often places for it to appear. Then you can devote your essays to the most positive reasons you want to study, what you can offer the campus once you get there, what interests you...stuff like that. Despte everyone's trials, I still believe that colleges want to admit those who have something positive to offer once they arrive.</p>

<h1>3. Look on the application for a question such as this, "Is there anything else you'd like to tell us so we get a complete pictgure" or "What about your transcript do you need to say, that we won't understand just by looking at your transcript.. Each school phrases it differently, but look for the "miscellaneous" opportunity and in there, just write very short, simple factual sentences (no drama) such as:</h1>

<p>Stepsister born on (date) and it was my family responsibility to care of her (x number of hours, x days per week, times of day--anything to quantify it!). This reflects in my 9th grade marks, my choice not to take most challenging classes in l0th grade, and weak EC's early in high school. She grew, so that by 11th grade, I could do more coursework and added on this EC:_____________. </p>

<p>(Only add the llth grade part if there was an improvement; otherwise say nothing). </p>

<p>This approach will cause them to re-glance at your transcript, that's all.</p>

<p>For the rest, I'd craft an essay that pulls in factors #2, #3, and #5 along these lines: what I've discovered about life improving.</p>

<p>You can then OBSERVE what has happened to your live-in cousin (take pride in her but also mention that you gave her the tuition..and if you mean you gave her lessons, call it "tutoring" but if you gave her money for lessons from others, call it "tuition."</p>

<p>OBSERVE what happened to your Mom; how she improved her personal situation by deciding to divrorce, then remarry, and so stopped your early experience with (pick only the REAL adjectives: constant, chronic, frequent, occasional, physical, verbal, emotional...) domestic violence when you were young (you don't have to specify if it was towards her, you, or both..). Say how you feel to see her today, where she has taken on her own job, moving from low wages to high earnings (it's okay to put in those dollar amounts there if you wish, so they know what you mean by low and high earnings). If the remarriage happened during your h.s. years, even put in the month/year she remarried, if you see on your transcript some improfement some 5 or 6 months later. Adults understand it takes a while for kids to experience big family changes, so that's what I mean by putting in her month/date if there's some posirtive relationship to your own life improving afterwards, even if it took months to register.</p>

<p>DO NOT mention that you don't get along with your current stepfather. That's the only place I didn't like you (momentarily) thinking, her Mom finally found happiness, so she shouldn't begrudge it. (If he's beating on you or hurting you in any physical way, however, that's different). If you just argue with him, LEAVE IT OFF the application.
(It's more valuable to show your own thoughts and feelings from watching your mom improve her life --that is HUGE-- than to criticize your stepfather --that is minor.)</p>

<p>Now you're ready to talk about your hopes for the future. Start by your baseline, which is where you can mention your extended family having no college education, and being an immigrant yourself. Then write all about how you got the idea that a college education IS what you want (where were your influences---peers? teachers? reading? whatever it is, give an examples or recall actual words people said to you to inspire). </p>

<p>The recent improvements in your household (be sure to use the word "recent") show you how lives can change with good decisions. If there's a new spirit in your household, celebrate that. Mention it's a contrast from before, but no need to go on and on writing about "before." Then you've set the stage to talk about how YOUR hopes and dreams, how want to continue a family journey positively into the future through education (specific major, specific college, specific interests..)</p>

<p>I have re-read your points 1-5 and think I've included everything you had wanted to include. My point is, do it in a way that makes me think I'd be happy to get to meet you TODAY, and not hear a whine or complainer.</p>

<p>I'd be interested in your response if you think this re-framing of your facts could be true, authentic and helpful. I don't want to rewrite your life, but thought there was a way to re-present it more positively.</p>

<p>If you're saying your grades are terrible all the way through 12th grade, that's a different problem. If you truly are just trying to address 9th & l0th grade grades plus the EC weakness, I think this could be an appropriate way to do so.</p>

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<p>EDIT, actually I think I made a mistake telling you to put in actual salary figures in a personal essay. That could be misunderstood, if you are applying to places with scholarships, or are "need-blind" during the admissions process.
Reading personal essays is a different process from when they study your family's income.
I know what you mean...you want to let them know that now things look financially comfortable, but for most of your life it was not so. I understand that.<br>
Just say adjectives, like low or high, or say she suddenly tripled her income, or the houshold financial situation improved dramatically...</p>

<p>ALSO: Try not to compare yourself in your essay to others, what trips they take or lessons they're privileged to receive. The Admissions officers are sophisticated, and sometimes see candidates given all kinds of luxuries who do not exhibit responsibility, sensitivity, or kindness--which you show throughout your essay.</p>

<p>Don't worry. Express your strengths in terms of family responsibility and caring for those around you, and they will come to know YOU -- not the trips you don't take :)</p>

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<p>Thank you everyone!! </p>

<p>This has been very helpful! Good luck to everyone too! :)</p>