Hey guys, it’s your favorite lump of anxiety again! Today on obsessive questions we’ve got ‘How often do you get to see your parents while in boarding school?’, ‘Is it acceptable to go home every month or so?’, and ‘Does your bond with your family weaken?’. Answers to any of these questions would be appreciated 
Love never weakens, @M0hammad. Never worry about that. Other than “closed” weekends when everyone is supposed to remain on campus, you are free to go home as often as permitted, but what seems to happen to most students is that they get so busy and involved at school, it’s the parents rather than the kids who are counting the days to the next visit. People often comment, too, that the family dynamic actually improves when the student is not at home every day. No more of the day-to-day irritations that build up, so the time you are home seems more like a treat to both sides.
We live almost 3,000 away from Choate, so going home on weekends was not an option for our son. However, between dropoff, parents weekend, Christmas break, spring break, and last day of school, there was rarely more than 6-7 weeks of separation. It’s really not as much as it seems.
Between breaks and long weekends, we get to see each other every 4-6 weeks (usually closer to 4 weeks). We also have a couple trips to New England planned, during which we’ll see him as well.
Communication varies between families, but we generally text some question(s), comment(s) or joke(s) most days and speak on the phone 1-2x a week.
The bond hasn’t weakened thusfar. In fact, IMO the bond has strengthened now that we don’t have the daily contest of wills over things like getting to school and activities on time.
Facetime is a wonderful thing! :x
I agree with @Altras , while we were always close to us, our relatioinship is even better without the day to day “negotiations” of waking up, homework time, getting ready and out, etc.
Holidays, vacations and long weekends seemed careful spaced to never have too long between seeing parents. It is different, of course, for international students but they have their own programming for some of the long weekends.
Thought you were applying to PA as a Day student…
I agree with all parents above, and we are in the same position as @ChoatieMom where BS is 2000 miles away. I think our bond is stronger for the same reasons mentioned but also because we all realize how much we like to spend time with each other, how much our humor and thought processes are alike, and he’s able to speak his mind freely without anything becoming misconstrued.
Our family bond is definitely stronger and our appreciation for each other greater since DS has gone to BS.
@Boarding2019 no I’m applying as boarding
Thank you all for the replies! It definitely was the opposite of what I was thinking!
To the OP “M0” - you will soon become busy with friends and activities at BS. There are some schools where kids do go home more often than others. Like others on this thread, we are @2000 miles away, because we were applying to smaller and mid-size schools, we looked at schools with the most boarding students and the smallest number of day students. Also, some parents fly up or drive over to sporting events. Many (if not most) schools have live streaming of sporting events and some performing arts events, so your family back home can watch you or watch the fun. We communicate several times a day.
FWIW it is sometimes difficult and lonely when parents of classmates come up on weekends, but we can’t make that trip. It is also difficult at times during games, but other parents can step in and cheer for you, take you to lunch, or bring you along with other members of your team. You are not alone at school and your parents will be comforted to know that you are hanging with your friends. You will have more social activities at BS than you can imagine!
- I do wish the fun of BS was emphasized more! :D/
@Golfgr8 If I get accepted, my family will be 25 minutes away. As well as me being able to visit them, are they allowed to visit me every once in a while or is that not allowed?
Good question@M0hommad! First, let me say how fortunate you are that your family lives so near to so many fine schools. Second, your family can visit you often - but you need to check with your school about specific guidelines and rules. We know students whose families come up every weekend for games and dinner. A couple of kids have parents who take them out on “open weekends” for sleep overs or trips into Boston or NYC. Some kids go home on weekends that are not “closed”. BTW, there are very few “closed” weekends at our school.
A year or two ago someone on CC posted a story about a BS student in the NE whose family came up to school every weekend and would hang out in the dorm’s common area. I think the parents even brought home-cooked meals. FWIW some kids that live in the NE area go home on weekends or part of the weekend for their club or travel team commitments. Kiddo has friends that go home on weekends to get some privacy and “chill”. We have visited school several times and gone out to dinner with kiddo - bringing friends along, also. We did ask questions about this and schools were really accommodating to parent visits. I have met kiddo for coffee on campus and also have watched games. I have brought healthy and not-so healthy treats when watching a practice. The students are happy to see a non-faculty adult with food during the week. FWIW the campus is very welcoming to us parents. At our school, we actually have a nice place for parents to hang out, sit by the fire and get coffee when visiting campus. We also know parents that drop off food (baked goods) during the week at the dorm. Once a mom brought Chipotle and I think there was a stampede! Regarding going off campus for visits, dinner, shopping, trips to friend’s house, etc…each school will have rules and procedures detailed in the official handbook.
All this being said, the best fit school for you (if you are a boarder) may be the school where you don’t want to go home - where you will feel at home, where your family will feel comforted knowing you are happy and supported, and where you will thrive.
As a kid who went to BS, I think I can offer a different perspective. Most people that go to BS want to go, at least in part, for the independence.
Given my situation was unique, I called home often to relay info/questions/concerns, that was only towards the end of my time there. As much as going to BS is a new home, its really not the same as your house. There are things you need to be in contact with ‘HQ’ for, and those usually drive contact if nothing else.
What I will say, (I’m pretty sure you are a parent) is to remember you are the adult. I noticed this was vital for the first day in particular. If you give a long monologue to your kid about how much you will miss them and all that jazz, it will likely rasterize the situation for your child and make them nervous about being away. But, if you maintain a nonchalant attitude, it will make your kid feel far more comfortable.
To address the initial concern about The bond weakening, the answer is simply no. As others has said, the day-to-day friction seems to dissipate, and you value your time together far more. A bit of distance won’t make your kid love you less.
Well said, @coppii ! And thanks for the kid perspective! It’s nice to know that the kids realize the value of family time, too, and us parents aren’t just imagining it.
No I really am a student.
My daughter is a ninth grader at Westtown. She’s only a couple of hours away and between parent visiting day and holidays we saw her three weekends between drop off day and first day of Dec break. We FaceTime frequently (not as much as I’d like which would be daily). We also text often. Her little siblings miss her so that’s a big change in our family dynamic. The good news is that she LOVES it, is doing so well and has great friends. She’s busy and engaged so theres not that much time to miss us. She also has plans and activities on the weekends. She could come home but wants to stay. She even referred to “going home” when Inwas taking her back to school after TG break (? for me). I’m so glad for her and also hoping that since she is settling in after such a big transition first semester that she’ll consider bringing friends home to visit us, let us take her out to dinner etc.
Our son was so busy during his first year at boarding school that we had to have security track him down twice to get him to call us & let us know that everything was okay.
Anyone with “near twins” (super close and just a year apart) with only one away? The parents on this end are good with it. The sister not so much. She relies on contact with DS each day to decompress.
I’m interested in this 
too! I have identical twin girls that are incredibly close. They have always been in the same school, but different classes. As a family we decided that one was going to switch to a different private school, away from her sister, so they could develop their own identities. She has applied to 5 school, 3 of them are local day schools and 2 are boarding schools. All was going well until she decided her favorite is the boarding school that is the farthest away. Her sister is beside herself. Obviously we don’t know where she will be accepted yet, but we’re just hoping that if she decides to board that it will strengthen their relationship as it has with parents and children described previously. Wishful thinking?
^ @twinsmama dealt with this for 1 year, I think. … (They other ended up at the same school but I am sure she has helpful insights.)
I don’t have twins or “Irish twins” but Buuznkid2 really did have a very hard first year without her brother. We completely underestimated how much it would affect her. But, when they are together now, DS spends almost all of his time with her and they are closer than ever. She still avoids most FaceTime calls…I’m not sure if that is her way of dealing with him being gone or what. She does occasionally send him emails, but the strength of their bond is most evident when they are home.
Although the separation was very hard, I have seen her mature in a lot of areas that I don’t think would’ve happened as quickly if he’d stayed at home. He’d always been her protector. So, I’m not going to lie, that part was very hard, but in the end I think also very beneficial.