Not with the merit scholarship that OP may be eligible for at Temple, though. (OP didn’t post stats so IDK if that’s a factor or not)
If it’s not about money, OK. But sometimes nervousness over distance is a proxy for financial concerns that we as parents don’t always want to express to our kids.
For the record, my oldest went to school 45 minutes away, my second is at school a 12 hour drive or two flights away. They made their own choices and I supported them. I could meet the first one for lunch between classes, the second I see every couple/few months only. We skype and talk on
the phone every week or two.
3.5 hours away still seems pretty far away to me. We certainly never went to visit during the term and our kid only came back once in four years when it wasn’t for an official vacation. (That was when some of his friends wanted to see some play on Broadway and we offered to put them all up.) I agree that there may be other issues your parents are worried about. Good luck.
@confusedsenior2, @OHMomof2 makes a good point. Can you clarify whether or not cost is of concern to your mom?
Since you didn’t mention any big scholarships, I’m assuming any need-based FA you’re receiving would be the same for each of these schools since they’re all PA publics. Will you have to finance any of your education?
Plenty of parents direct their students to West Chester because it’s less expensive than Penn State. If cost isn’t a factor, though, Penn State has much more to offer a strong student.
Cost of attendance (in-state)*
Penn State UP: $34,598
Temple: $31,468
West Chester: $26,400
My kid went to school about 3 hours away. (It was physically closer than that sounds, but in Northern New England there is a can’t get there from here factor, LOL.) That made it easy to pick him up and drop him off on breaks.
He actually lives in that area again. Every few months we drive over, have lunch/do something in the afternoon/have dinner and drive back.
It simply isn’t “far away.” Just keep talking about PSU and not the others. I’m sure that PSU has plenty of advantages that you can cite, starting with the strong alumni network for employment and internships. Don’t get emotional and stamp your foot and say, “Because it’s my DREAM school!” That would smack of an immaturity that would be a good excuse to insist on keeping you close to home. Keep reminding her that she raised a responsible kid and promise that you will call every week. She wants to know that you love her and will not vanish from her life the first chance you get.
Key issue- you state your father is okay with your decision. Your mother will have to adjust to it. It is YOUR decision, not hers, as well. Do NOT attempt to mollify her with promises to communicate via Skype, phone or any other means often. You will need to lead your college life without interference from a mom checking up on you, knowing daily (weekly) details of your life. Make no promises about the frequency of home visits or having them come to see you. It is a lot easier to call/visit home more frequently than to renege on promises. The best campuses are those where students see no reason to leave on weekends- there is too much to do.
I would drop the subject for now and just quietly fill out any forms, pay any moneys et al as they come due. Since your father is onboard this should be able to happen. Relax and enjoy the rest of your senior year of HS. Congrats on the hard work and acceptances.
btw- I ended up at our state flagship and stayed on campus, a world apart from my 8 miles away home (commuting was done by many but managed dorm costs- the bus would have taken almost an hour and no car). Called once a week but had no reason to go home. I was lucky the world came to me.
Your definition of far away is only a few more driving hours. All are close to home compared to those who need to fly.
We make the 3.5 hour trip for a football game! And back in same day!
I was 3.5 hours from home while in college. It SEEMED far at first but when you have 3 hour labs for example, I changed it into “by the time I would go to lab and get out–I’ll be home.” No biggie.
Actually 3-4 hours is perfect–parents aren’t expecting you to show up every weekend and they aren’t showing up unexpectedly at school BUT if you NEED to go home it’s easy. Honestly? I didn’t go home often–I had too much to do–both work and play.
I think it’s a bit harsh to say that your mother shouldn’t put in her “two cents.” She is your mother, so it’s natural that she’ll have an opinion. I’m going to be a minority here and say that your parents’ opinions are important.
I think you and your family have more talking to do. And I don’t mean you trying to convince her that you’re right, I’m talking about a discussion where everyone talks about what they think and be willing to hear out what others think as well. It sounds like you’ve already talked with your family, but did you all have an open mind? You say that she’s warming up to Temple, so it sounds like she would be willing to hear you out. Besides, taking someone’s view seriously makes them more willing to consider your views as well, since they know that you’re listening to them rather than hearing them for the sake of formulating a rebuttal.
Moms need to let go. parents should not attempt to control their adult children’s lives- HS grads are adults. It is fair to have some input when paying for things but the decision is the student’s. This is not a family vacation to be discussed and agreed upon by all. MOM needs a more open mind- not the student. S/he has some reasonable choices.
Well there may be more at play here and OP hasn’t returned to say one way or the other. Mom might have valid reasons for her preferences and presumably she is paying (half?) so has SOME say.
My daughter goes to school 3.5 hours away from our home. She could have attended a school about 90 minutes away, but the school she attends is where she wanted to be. We didn’t fight her on it. We liked her first pick school much better too. It has been just fine. She doesn’t come home on weekends, only breaks. She loves her independence and we know this is good for her. Even though we were excited for her and love her school, it took us a while to get used to the idea that we were leaving her on the other side of the state. If your dad is on board that will help your mom get on board. 3.5 hours is just not that far away.
“3.5 hours from home” - Since my college was a 6 hour drive/carpool from home and one of my kids went to school 2000 miles away… it doesn’t sound too bad.
Granted, I liked it better having the other one within an hour. But even though I’ve always tended to be a clingy mom, for college planning I decided that it was NOT about my own comfort zone. It was about finding the best fit, within family financial constraints.
wis75, you sound like a college student or recent grad rather than a parent. It’s not unreasonable for parents to want a freshman to be in closer contact, as compared to say a sophomore whose demonstrated that they have their lives under control. It not unreasonable for them to set some parameters on where their kid goes to college when they are paying the bills - not just ‘have input.’ No one who is being fully supported by his or her parents is an independent adult. Anyone who wants to claim the privileges of independent adulthood has to assume the responsibilities that go with it. Most students in the US get to make the transition gradually - and an incoming freshman is still at the beginning of that process. So this is one situation where negotiation is not just the key to success - it is also proof of maturity and mutual respect.
@confusedsenior2
3.5 hours is very close. It’s nothing, really. It’s less than half a full work day. Maybe your family has not had a lot of experience taking long road trips or even day trips. My suggestion: Get in the car and drive there one day this weekend. Start at 8:30 a.m. Drive straight there without stopping. Listen to some good music or podcasts. You’ll be there at noon. Eat lunch near campus, walk around, maybe even see a performance on campus. Then get in the car to go home at about 4:00. Pick up some take-out dinner once you reach your home town. You’ll walk in the house at 7:45 and eat your dinner. Done.
