Hello, to all. Hope you’re having a better start to this year than I am. Unfortunately, my dad passed away yesterday after a 5 year fight with cancer. He passed in Mexico, his home country, and will be buried there. I already flew down there this past Christmas so I don’t feel so bad about not attending the funeral. At the moment I don’t feel much. People keep saying I’m in shock, but I really am not since we were sort of just waiting for this. I think I accepted my dad would pass when I found out it was terminal. I need some advice about school.
Should I lower my course load? I'm signed up for 16 units (4 classes) but I really only need 9 units to be considered a sophomore. I want to drop one class so I could have 12 units since I'm not sure if I'll be able to handle 16 units with all this happening (not sure how I'll react later in the quarter).
Would it be a bad idea to go back home after this quarter? I kind of just want to go to the local CC in my town and transfer later, maybe to a school closer to home since my current school is 2.5 hours away. My mom would be very unhappy, but I feel like I would feel more comfortable living at home.
So sorry for your loss. You are currently grieving so I wouldn’t make any decisions right now. Be aware of deadlines to drop your courses. If you really feel that 14 is too many credits , drop to 12, but I would be hesitant to drop lower as having too much unstructured time may not be good while you’re grieving . You also need to see if you’re receiving any FA what the credit he requirements are to maintain your aid before making any decisions. Deciding to transfer home is not something you need to decide right now , wait a bit longer. If there are counseling services available at your school, I’d make an appointment to assist you through the grieving process and the decision process, so that you don’t make any impulsive decisions . Again, so sorry for you loss.
Sorry for your loss.
If you are on the quarter system now it may be best to finish a year rather than transferring part way through. If you transfer to a college on the semester system you can easily lose credit if you have one or two quarters of a class rather than a full semester or year. That said, take care of yourself. Transferring closer to home at the end of the quarter may not be much of a problem in your particular situation. Give yourself the time you need, and speak to an academic and financial aid advisor at your current school to make sure you understand your options. You may be able to take a leave of absence from your current school, take some classes near home, and return later. That might ease your mom’s mind as well.
You should immediately contact the Dean of Student (or equivalent) at your school and explain the situation. Provide documentation. Even if you’re following your mother’s wishes and returning to school without requesting any special accommodations at present, having the documentation in place will help you in the event that you find it difficult to maintain your courseload or GPA, or have other unexpected problems. They can also put you in touch with an on campus counseling service, would could be a good place to visit to talk with someone, especially since you’re so far from home.
I wouldn’t rush to do anything right now. I’d stick to your current plans and if the workload is too great, drop one class before the drop deadline so it won’t appear on your transcript. Right now, you don’t know how you will feel in the coming weeks and months.
For what it’s worth, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer a week or two before I began graduate school, 3.5 hours’ drive from home. I commuted home 2-3 weekends per month and it was manageable. She did not want me to change my plans and I honored her request. By the time she died, almost three years later, I was embarking on my dissertation research.
By all means, talk with your academic adviser and find out if there is grief counseling and/or support groups on your campus. Most administrators and teachers will be sympathetic and will cut you some slack if you need it, providing that you are up front and clear about your situation.
I am sorry for your loss. Even when it is expected, it is still a blow.
I don’t have much to add beyond the responses you have already received. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, give you a big virtual hug, and let you know that whatever you are feeling in this moment is the right thing because there is no “right” way to grieve. Aloha to you, my dear.
I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom to cancer in college after she battled cancer for 3.5 years. I went back to school shortly after she passed, at her and my dad’s insistence. It was difficult, but in all honesty, it was a good distraction from my terrible heartache. I understand how difficult this time is for you. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to message me. sending you strength
If you need to take a quarter off, be sure to check on your school’s leave of absence, withdrawal, and readmission policies so that you do all of the paperwork properly so that you can easily return when ready (and retain any scholarships and financial aid) to finish your degree.
I agree…Immediately contact the Dean of Students and talk to them. This is what they are for. I would keep the courses for now with the idea of dropping one. Keep an eye on the drop/add date. Also keep an eye on the Withdrawal date.
Keep in mind what you want, what your mom wants, and what you think your Dad would want. I can imagine they both worked hard for your college opportunity,and want you to do well. Make sure to regularly call your mom.
If you read “college life” subforum, you will see many many stories of people who were put on academic probabtion because they did terribly in their classes due to personal issues…The key thing is to work with the college, using their rules and their tools to do the best you can. Also make an appt with the Counseling Center as soon as you get back. Even if you don’t really know what to talk about, it will be helpful to have someone to talk with.
In addition to your personal situation psychologically and in a family sense, does your dad passing have any effect on your funds for college?
I do think you should consider reaching out to your college counseling center, and let them know what is going on.
And if I read correctly, your father was living in Mexico and you and your mom are living in the US? Do you think you might have to travel to Mexico to take care of any business related to his will? That could affect your schooling as well.
As for lowering your course load, do it AFTER the semester starts, after you see how you are doing in each class. If you have more than one class you can drop without affecting your progression of coursework, it is better to withdraw than drop before the semester begins, in my opinion.
Keep busy with school, either with your full load, or with the only slightly reduced schedule.
Talk to the counseling office at your school and ask them about strategies for keeping yourself motivated and focused, while at the same time working through the grieving.
A lot of us have lost loved ones very dear to us. I have. You need to know that whatever hurt you’re feeling now will eventually get better, but not quickly, it can take years. Be open about your feelings and your grieving with your Mom and with others you love. You will get through this, many of us have.