Feedback on my ACT essay?

<p>Hi, everyone! I'm taking the ACT this Saturday, so any feedback ASAP would be VERY MUCH APPRECIATED! :D</p>

<p>Prompt: In some states, legislators have debated whether teenagers should be required to maintain a "C" grade average in school before receiving a driver's license. Some people think this would be a good policy because having passing grades shows that students are responsible enough to be good drivers. Other people think such a policy would not be appropriate because they see no relationship between grades in school and driving skills. In your opinion, should teenagers be requirement to maintain a "C" average in school before receiving a driver's license?</p>

<p>My response:</p>

<p>Many people believe that students should be required to maintain a "C" average before obtaining their driver's license, while others blatantly disagree and see no correlation between academic grades and driving skills. I agree with the latter group of people for multiple reasons. For starters, a driver's license in the incorrect motivator for a student to improve his/her grades. Also, a rewarding of driver's licenses to those with above average grades creates a segregation environment. In addition, good grades are not a foolproof indicator of responsibility. </p>

<p>Firstly, a driver's license is the wrong way to motivate a teenager to improve his/her grades. "In order to be successful in life, one must first want to be successful," said Horatio Alger. Alger embodies the notion that true motivation must come from within. Especially when that teen is grown up, he isn't always going to be bribed with a bone a stick - he is going to have to have the self-motivation to do things for himself. Thus, driver's licenses should not be withheld from students with a below "C" average. </p>

<p>Secondly, awarding students with higher grades creates a prominent hierarchy in an already harsh world. Even without the implementation of this policy, teenage society has a reputation of being cold, judgmental, and caustic. With the addition of this policy, that ruthlessness would only be augmented. Those without licenses would become targets of bullying from those "good enough" to earn licenses. In short, President Andrew Jackson once said and lived by the following: "No man has any more intrinsic claim ... than another."</p>

<p>Finally, although some may argue that excellent grades are a reflection of a student's responsibility, and therefore students with good grades are the most responsible. However, my experiences have proven contradictory. Throughout middle and high schools, there was a boy in my grade who was consistently in very advanced classes, and he would effortlessly ace them. Most outsiders would glance at his grades and assume - incorrectly - that he was a studious individual. However, it was pedestrian knowledge for everyone n our school that he was part of a very bad crowd - the ones who parties, drank, and smoked. Without a doubt, he was not a remotely good decision-maker. Many of his friends were the same way - inherently genius, but a lost cause because of this poor decisions. Hence, grades and academic ability are not determinant of responsibility or decision-making skills. </p>

<p>In conclusion, driver's licenses should not be used as a reward for students with a "C" average or better. Awarding them would create a lack of self-motivation, which would prove detrimental later in life. Also, rewarding the "C" or better students would created a classist society - one that our founding fathers were against. Lastly, academic grades and abilities are in no way shape or form a representation of one's life decision-making abilities. Therefore, teenagers should not be required to maintain a "C" average in school before receiving a driver's license.</p>

<p>you need to write much more to get a 10/11/12 on the act essay! it is ALL about length and vocabulary. 9/12 on this essay</p>

<p>@msabbagh13, ok, thanks! I REALLY NEED TO IMPROVE MY VOCABULARY. I know that much D:</p>

<p>As for length, I was writing pretty fast and this took me the entire 30 minutes (with brainstorming and proofreading)! :O</p>

<p>oh no your good just listen. study vocabulary and use longer words. DO NOT BRAINSTORM AT THE BEGINNING OR PROOFREAD! when the 30 minutes start jump straight into the passage and write what flows into your head. on the real ACT write 3-3.5 out of the 4 pages possible and its okay if you are redundant.</p>

<p>@msabbagh13, ok! Thanks so much!</p>

<p>bump! any help is appreciated :D</p>

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<p>thank you gollygosh.</p>