Grade my ACT essay please?

<p>Hello,</p>

<p>Will someone be kind enough to grade my ACT essay? Thank you so much.</p>

<p>Prompt:</p>

<p>In some states, legislators have debated whether teenagers should be required to maintain a "C" grade average in school before receiving a driver's license. Some people think this would be a good policy because having passing grades shows that students are responsible enough to be good drivers. Other people think such a policy would not be appropriate because they see no relationship between grades in school and driving skills. In your opinion, should teenagers be required to maintain a "C" average in school before receiving a driver's license?</p>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>Some state legislators have proposed the controversial idea of mandating students to have at least a "C" average before they can receive a driver's license. While some agree with the mindset that a C average shows that a student can responsibly driver, others oppose because they believe that there is no correlation between grades and the ability to drive. Personally, I take the stance that there should be no grade requirement to obtain a driver's license.</p>

<p>First, it is not proven that bad grades indicate a students irresponsibility or incapability of driving. Take, for instance, a student who has a rough life at home, which influences his studying. In turn, this may reflect poorly in the student's academic performance. The question is, does this student's grades accurately represent his responsibility? His grades do not, because his/her grades are affected by something which the student can not control. Furthermore, other students, who simply do not perform well on tests, but are trying their hardest, should not be blocked from the opportunity to drive. Overall, grades are not a fair representation of a students responsibility, and definitely cannot be used to determine whether or not a student can drive.</p>

<p>In addition, driving is a necessary skill in today's advanced world. All students, including those with below "C" averages, need to develop this skill before they leave high school and enter college and the working world. If a below-average student doesn't learn to drive in high school, they may not be able to do so in college, where a car is an essential form of transportation for some. Ultimately, this puts students at a disadvantage to those who learned to drive at an earlier age. </p>

<p>While some may say that requiring students to maintain a "C" average before receiving a license is a good idea, such a statement fails to take into account a major problem. This idea, which seems to be a solution, inevitably creates the issue of inequality. Some students will learn how to drive, and others will be set back and not allowed access to that privilege. States promotes a "No child left behind policy" and this law would potentially oppose that policy, further separating the gap between students. Therefore, it is unfair and problematic to allow some students to obtain licenses, while prevent others from doing so.</p>

<p>All in all, requiring students to maintain a "C" average before receiving a license is an inappropriate policy. There is no absolute correlation between a students grades and his responsibility. In addition, driving is an essential skills that all students must learn in order for success in the future. Lastly, this policy would create further inequality between students by allowing some to drive, and preventing some from driving. Concisely, this policy is completely unnecessary and inappropriate; all students should have the privilege to drive. Who knows? Maybe allowing students to drive will help them become more responsible.</p>

<p>bump</p>

<p>I’m not quite sure how to “grade” an ACT essay, but here’s some critique. </p>

<p>Your thesis statement does not need the “Personally, I am…” This is your essay; of course, you will be writing about what you think. If you still feel the need to use “I think,” then don’t use “Personally.” “Personally” makes “I” redundant. </p>

<p>While your first example is perfectly logical, you need some concrete example. I do realize, however, that this is a hard topic to name an example for. In any case, don’t use rhetoric questions. It makes your writing too conversational.</p>

<p>For your second body paragraph, you need to state a more concrete example. This one should be easier. You could use a personal example of having to be driven to high school, and if you could not learn how to drive, this would continue into college, which is a major inconvenience for parents/roommates/friends. </p>

<p>“All in all” seems a little conversational, too. You could use “Overall.”</p>

<p>Overall, this is an okay essay, especially if timed. I have noted a few small-ish writing style errors. Things like “Personally, I” can easily be changed for the future. However, I have noticed some grammatical errors. Some could be because of typos, but others stand out in a bad way. You might want to do a little more SAT style writing questions, just to make sure your essay writing is better. I know it helped me, both in school and in standardized testing. Good luck!</p>

<p>Thanks so much!</p>