feedback on my essay

<p>Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?</p>

<p>I was constantly asked by peers and friends what my career goal is. When I answered that question, some of them doubted me and others had a clueless face. Many would even answer back saying that they do not even think that I would be able to complete college, let alone transfer to a university. Comments like that just put me down and sometimes made me give up on continuing school.
Persistence and dedication was never a quality that I had. I barely managed to graduate high school, so education was not my biggest concern or priority. Graduating high school with a grade point average of 1.9 is nothing to be proud of or even mention for that matter. I never put effort in my studies because I never thought or looked forward in life to what I wanted to do career wise. When I attended college, I was still unmotivated due to the lack of knowing what my interests were. During my first year, I couldn’t manage to finish my classes, which resulted in being on academic probation. Not only was I unmotivated, but also family situations at home was not the best in encouraging to pursue education since I was giving my full attention and devotion to my little brother and my father, who is disabled, while my mother went to work. However, I knew I had to do something for myself in order to make it in life. the motivation to follow through for education is what lit the spark for me to continue school. Continuing school would be a great challenge for me because I did not know or was used to college course work since I did not prepare myself during high school.
This accomplishment is especially important because I am the first generation in my family to go to college. Not only am I able to prove to myself that I was able to continue in school but also made my parents proud of me as well. I am also to prove myself to those who doubted me and showed them that I can accomplish something if I really put my effort and dedication in it.
I know now not to ever give up because that would eliminate all hope of achieving my goals. I have also learned that failure and criticism are vital parts of the learning experience of life. I am much more open to take criticism now and to use it to strengthen myself, rather than to discourage myself. This obstacle I have faced seems trivial in comparison to what I will face in the future, but the fact that I can now take with me many key characteristics that will help me is what makes it so important. Persistence and hard work are two qualities I now see within myself which prepare me to face the many obstacles that I will be facing.</p>

<p>OR IF THE PREVIOUS ESSAY IS TOO GENERAL I CAME UP WITH A SECOND ONE TOO...</p>

<p>It was up to me whether my little brother’s life could be saved or not. I knew that having the knowledge of performing CPR would come to use one of these days, but in a situation like this, never in my life would I imagine it to happen this way.
I took CPR classes in order to become qualified for the hospital volunteer program. So I followed through, attended class and earned my certificate in a number of hours. It was just that simple. Of course, I have heard stories that many people have performed CPR to save a life, but I thought to myself, I would not encounter that at the moment. Then one day during summer, I was in my apartment complex while my little brother was swimming in the pool. Since he wasn’t able to swim in the deep end yet, he would stay in the shallow. However, while I was in my house I heard vigorous knockings on my door. As soon as I opened, three little kids screaming and yelling and I heard to hear one of them say “your little brother ..I think he’s dead”. So instantly I ran to the pool and saw him lying on the edge of the pool while other adults were calling 911. I just stood in shock, Then I told myself this is it, I get to do what I would never thought I’d do, especially to a loved one. All of the sudden a sense of confidence took over and I told everyone to step aside. I got on my knees and checked his pulse quickly. With tears flowing, I knew he would be ok. I thought I would forget and blank out when performing CPR but to my surprise it is like I performed this every day. Just when I thought I was too late, the paramedics arrived. As they took him in the ambulance, one of the paramedics said to me, “your quick thinking just saved your brother’s life”.<br>
That moment has stuck with me for the rest of my life. I would never imagine myself performing such an act. I never had confidence before because all my life people, especially so called friends, would think I was incompetent or that I wasn’t good enough to make something good out of myself in life. That experience also brought me hope because if the situation was a different story, I would still be able to say that I did everything that I could in order to save his life. Confidence and hope are the two things I have managed to gain and are also part of what I need in order to be successful in my career. Not only will these two qualities help in my career but in life as well. These Qualities, among many others, is what makes me who I am today and will help me successfully succeed throughout my journey.</p>

<p>You shouldn’t post out in the open or strangers might steal your essay, it’s better to ask for help and privately message volunteers that have high post counts. That written, I’ll just add that I prefer the second essay, but maybe a fusion of the two would be better.</p>