Can anyone give me their feedback on the Stanford letter to roommate essay please? Any pointers or comments on how to improve it are welcome. This is a very rough draft, so it’s prone to a great deal of improvements. Thank you in advance.
I’m not very great at first impressions. I almost always give off the complete opposite of what my intentions are. My mind sometimes decides to do things without consulting with me beforehand. I’m not a black or white zone type of person; I fall in the gray area mostly. I’m neither a complete introvert nor an extrovert. I’m both a morning bird and a night owl. If you, for any reason, wake up at six a.m. on a Saturday you might find me leaving to go for a run; at other times you might find me up till 2 a.m. reading a book I can’t put down.
After moving to Egypt when I was 10 I became influenced by a mix of Western and Middle Eastern cultures, so there’s a pretty decent chance of you walking in on me dancing to Arabic music or singing along to Panic! At The Disco.
If I’m comfortable with you, I might like to tell you random facts about me. I would tell you how I always order fried mozzarella if it’s on the menu, even though I hardly ever make it or buy it at home, or that the only animated movie I could watch over and over since I was a year old has been Lion King 2: Simba’s Pride. In an attempt at infusing the rainbow into my wardrobe, I try to wear a different color (except purple because it looks terrible on me) on each day of the week.
A lot of my skills are self-taught. I learned how to drive on my own three years before I was legal to drive in my country, taught myself how to ride a bicycle and ice-skate when I was six, and took up the piano and guitar from watching instructional videos online.
I try to experience something new or meet new people at any chance I get; so I apologize if I impulsively decide to go bungee jumping or road tripping across California and try to convince you to join me.
You might want to remove your essay from this site—it’s probably not a good idea to post such things publicly. You can always send them privately to people who are willing to provide feedback.
Given that anyone who want to plagiarize it would also have had to move to Egypt at the age of 10 , I think the risk is low – although that is admittedly good advice in general.
I actually wasn’t thinking of plagiarism, though I suppose that’s a possibility too. You never know who could be reading posts on College Confidential, including admissions officers. In general, you’re better off not posting anything that could definitively identify you.
this is really good! I agree w/ the others on being careful w/posting essays here. (im with you on the mix of introvert/extrovert thing) would u mind reading mine?
So, let me get this straight…you want to get in to Stanford with an essay you posted on the internet and had improved by many contributors other than yourself?
They are constructive edits, and this generation calls it crowd-sourcing. Another way of looking at it is this is now a published work, automatically copyrighted, and was more of an early draft that the author refined as he/she went on.
Great job, OP. Too late to worry about the fingerprint you’ve left here. This is rather original.
@JustOneDad : And every essay written by a student who worked with a college counselor is that student’s individual and unassisted work? I do not think your comment was warranted.
Nice roommate write up!