Feel like I need time off - too scared to take it

Parents Forum
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<p>Some background: I'm a senior. My GPA is dismal. Last semester, I withdrew from one or two classes, failed one or two, scraped by with a D or C in one or two. That is a typical semester for me. You must fall below a D average to be on academic probation - my just-barely-a-D-average has kept me in school (unfortunately). </p>

<p>Because of failing classes and switching my major numerous times, I'll need a 5th year to graduate. My parents said they'd gladly pay for two more years - this one and next - if I shaped up. </p>

<p>The situation: I know this semester isn't going to be any different than the others. I haven't had time to address the problems I feel are holding me back - depression, anxiety, some kinds of mental roadblocks...definitely not too much partying or bad study skills, because I'm too nerdy for that! Up until now, I've pushed through, saying "next year will be different." But I know nothing will be different unless I have some time to do counseling, get medication if needed, or otherwise just figure out what's going wrong. The prospect of plunging through two more years with Ds and Fs and then being thrown into a career search while I'm harboring a host of issues seems terrible.</p>

<p>There's still time to withdraw from my classes and get my parents' money refunded. The problem is, I'm terrified of doing so. People have told me to "just finish and get a degree." My friends will all be graduating this year. I want to spend one last year with them. I've signed a year-long lease on a house near my university. I could work to repay my parents for the rent, but that's another issue added to the bag. I'll feel ashamed and embarassed to withdraw and live at home with my folks. I don't know what kind of job I'd get...I hope I could find one, but I'd be nervous about it. I'm getting a lot of experience working in my field on campus, which I enjoy but know I could do better at/enjoy more if I wasn't such a mess mentally. Leaving that job - the only saving grace on my resume - could mean not getting it back when I return though.</p>

<p>I don't know. I guess I'm just not sure what to do. I wish I hadn't made the mistake of not taking a year to figure things out earlier. Now it seems like I'm too entrenched in things to leave, but still just barely getting by, if you could even call it that.</p>

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<p>Check out the conselling center at your school – You cannot do better in school or a job until you can figure out what is going on. Why do you think taking time off would give you time for counseling?</p>

<p>Have you ever utilized student tutoring centers?</p>

<p>What is causing the anxiety? Is it all academic related? You talk about wanting to remain with your friends, so it sounds like you do not have any social anxiety.</p>

<p>The academics sound overwhelming for you. Could you have an undiagnosed learning disability? My husband did not realize he had one until one of our children was diagnosed. Contact your school’s disability office and request information on how/where to be diagnosed. This may take a lot of work to find an affordable place for diagnosis and/or have some covered through medical insurance.</p>

<p>There is nothing to be embarrased about if you opt to return to your parents. You are fortunate that your parents want you to succeed. Plenty of folks far older than you (I assume you are in your early 20s) must return to the homestead.</p>

<p>You talk about working in your field – What is your field? Do you enjoy it? If yes, what is the difference between the actual work you are doing and the academic work? Evaluating that may help to focus on the academic issues.</p>

<p>Your post is a good first step – You know something must be changed. Now you have to keep moving forward with change. Life does not offer quick simple resolutions, so please be patient with yourself, but also please seek out tutoring and counseling help at school.</p>

<p>If you were my child, I’d advise you to stay in school this semster since the semester already began. Take the least amount of classes as possible. Get tutoring help. Seek out on-campus couseling. Open up to your parents. Make a Plan with them that you promise to seek tutoring & counseling, but if things do not improve, you want to leave school.</p>

<p>As a parent, I would hate to see my child leave just over half way through because I know many adults (my husband included), who dropped out, never returned and regret it. On the other hand, if my child gave me time to process the “drop out” and help them with a plan of action, then I would have a different view. How much have you talked to your parents? You only refer to “people have told me” which leads me to think this situation and dropping out is something your parents aren’t aware you are contemplating.</p>

<p>Best of luck – I’m sure other parents will have far more insight than I have.</p>

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<p>Most schools have some sort of free counseling services - check the student health services at your college.</p>

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<p>If you feel that you suffer from depression, you might find it easier to begin to treat it while you are in college (and have more discretionary time than when you’re working), while you can utilize the free student health services, and while you are continue to work toward a defined goal. I strongly encourage you to have a medical exam in case your problems can be ameliorated through medication. </p>

<p>Sadly, I know more about depression than I wish I did. I also know that the right medication can change your whole outlook.</p>

<p>Will you please consider scheduling a medical exam soon?</p>

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<p>I don’t believe taking time off would give me more time for counseling per se, but it will stop me from failing another semseter - I want to be ready to put my full energy into school, and I don’t want another semester of failed grades and withdrawn classes on my transcript. If I’ve only got 2 years left, I don’t want to stumble through them, I want to be ready for them. </p>

<p>I’ve tried the free counseling services at school in conjunction with classes and unfortunately I didn’t see any change in my outlook or grades. Of course I don’t know why exactly it didn’t work. My only guess is that it was really just “too much at once” and the continued disappointment and drain of doing poorly in classes and my extra curriculars, plus the uncertainty involved with taking medication (how would it affect me when I have class, other committments to juggle?) made me feel unable to take full advantage of the services.</p>

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<p>You need to find out if you’re suffering from depression or have ADD or something else.</p>

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<p>Could you stay in the house, keep the job, and take a reduced courseload, like 2 or 3?</p>

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<p>Yes, a reduced courseload would probably be ideal, but again I have this fear of actually doing it…</p>

<p>I’m already starting to lose steam. </p>

<p>Too anxious so I procrastinate on my extra curriculars, find it difficult to participate in class.</p>

<p>Not enjoying my classes at all…met with my partner for an oral presentation and she was horrible…valley girl…kept saying she “didn’t care” or “didn’t know” about anything despite having almost finished reading the 400 page assignment? </p>

<p>Next class is 300 level (last one was 400) yet the professor is essentially RE-READING the reading in class, the kid next to me comes in 20 minutes late and rustles in his bag for like another 10 so I can’t hear what the prof is saying, then looks off my book, etc.</p>

<p>Have ok profs but my peers are just not what I hoped for out of college…I know they are there…somewhere in the 30,000 undergrads…but I feel very lost and out of place here, as I have all 4 years. It just never became a comfortable environment for me.</p>

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<p>Paralyzed, when is the last time you had a physical? I can’t diagnose over the internet but there is a boatload of things you could have (glandular, food allergies/sensitivities or other digestive disorders) which could be causing you to be off your game and have trouble focusing, in addition to whatever emotional problems you may be having.</p>

<p>As I see it you have three choices right now.</p>

<p>1- do nothing. Pray that you can maintain your D’s and get enough credits to graduate.
2- Stay in school and get some help.
3- take time off and figure out what’s going on.</p>

<p>What is the job you have, why do you enjoy it, and what is your end goal (other than saving face and staying with your friends) in staying at school this semester?</p>

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<p>paralyzed, it’s silly to continue paying big bucks for an education if you’re not in a condition to benefit from it. I urge you to withdraw from school while you can get a refund, regroup, get some therapy and a job for a semester or a year. Alternatively–if you can get better help on campus than you can at home–take the absolutely minimal courseload that will permit you to access the health center. But I think this is the less desirable option. If you remain, or put yourself repeatedly, in a situation where you’re likely to fail, then after a while just being in the situation will all by itself make you start to panic because you will be anticipating disaster. This is very counterproductive, because eventually, once your depression or ADHD whatever it is gets treated, you want to be able to come back to school with some confidence and finish your degree.</p>

<p>I know it’s hard to be decisive when you are sad and full of anxiety. But making this one decision will be the first step to getting your life on track.</p>

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<p>You sound consumed with fear and anxiety. I feel for you. This may seem counter-intuitive, but try following the thread of your particular fears all the way, to the worst-case realistic scenario you can think of. You will probably find that none of the potential consequences are all that earth shattering. Taking time of sounds kind of essential at this point, if only to give you some perspective. There is absolutely no shame in taking time off! You are actually in an incredibly luxurious position right now, to have parents who support you and offer you different options. I’m not saying that to try to guilt you but to suggest that you stop wasting time feeling ashamed which can quickly become self-indulgent, and think about ways to affirm your parents’ faith in you.</p>

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<p>And please find yourself a better therapist.</p>

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<p>I’m with Mousegray on this. </p>

<p>The point of therapy and medication isn’t to wave a magic wand at your performance issues and fix them. The point is to understand why you know intellectually what you have to do (go to class, do the reading, study for exams, write your papers and then edit them) and yet are unable to start or complete these tasks. Depression can hinder your ability to plan and manage ambiguity. Depression (or something else) interferes with sleep so that you’re always too fatigued to focus. You may not be getting enough exercise or your sleep habits are such that your mental facilities are most acute at the wrong time of day, i.e. not during class or when you need to study. Or you’re not metabolizing protein or are allergic to wheat.</p>

<p>I don’t know- we don’t know- but sitting in your apartment stewing over your predicament isn’t going to get you healthy and isn’t going to turn around your grades. So please- for the sake of all the people who love you in real life- take just one affirmative and positive step and pick up the phone and make an appointment at the U’s health center. Just one step- make the phone call. We are not asking you to fix everything, just make one phone call. You know you can do it!</p>

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<p>Just finish and get a degree.</p>