I don’t know what the deal is! I find myself getting a little sad when my daughter removes a school from her application list. I know it’s her list, her fit, and her life, and all that stuff, but I can’t help but feel a little depressed each time a school gets cut. Dartmouth, Cornell, UPenn, Georgetown, and probably Williams just to name a few. She’ll end up exactly where she should, she has lots of great places still on the list. I should be thankful for the reduced applications and fees! Anyone else go through something similar? I think this whole process is making my head spin.
I understand – I had a couple of schools for both kids that I liked and they had no interest in. In fact I made my S apply to a school I liked and he didn’t. So what happened??? He got in and sent in the “no” reply before I got home from work. He told me he got in and replied no in the same sentence. What a waste of an application fee. So I learned for my D – when she took off colleges I liked (including a school I felt certain would be “the one” before our visit) I just went with it.
As long as you are happy with the group of schools she will be applying to then you have to try to put the other ones out of your mind.
I asked D2 to keep one school on her list that she was a little “meh” about, and to go to accepted student days if she got in. I said if it didn’t seem like her place after that and she wanted to make a different choice, I’d never mention it again. She did it. Got in, went to accepted student days. Her 1st & 2nd choice schools bombed on accepted visits, and this school shone. She picked it, loved it, and after graduating she says it was the best place she could have gone. So… pushing for one “parent’s choice” school can work out.
Dartmouth, Cornell, UPenn, Georgetown, and probably Williams: Those schools are all hard to be admitted to. Is it possible your daughter has a better grasp on her chances than you do?
3 I am very aware of her chances, stats, and the CDS for each school. I have chosen not to share the schools that have remained on the list that are equally or harder to get into. She has an excellent list of reaches, matches, and safeties.
She can only go to one school. If she still has 3-4 on her list that you like, you were going to be disappoint sooner or later that you had to drop these schools.
One thing to consider…she might be making a mistake…of the 5 you mention, is there 1 in particular that really feel would be a great fit? (You’ve been her mom for 18 years…you probably have a good idea of where she would thrive)…if so, you might make a play for that one college and see if it works (“D, i really think you were right to take X, X, and X off the list but I believe I’d toss in a application to Y…and here’s why.”
I agree. Just sad that some of these didn’t make “the cut” after the cross country visits and tours. Would have preferred a few others to be cut instead. I know her chances are slim at the schools I listed. However, the chance of acceptance at a school that you don’t apply to will always be 0…
There were no Mom picks on my daughters’ lists. My daughters had a hard time picking among the many schools by which they were accepted and they also felt crushed, at least briefly, by the rejections. So April of their senior years in high school was difficult enough, for me and them.
6 Yes there’s one on there that has not been completely tossed. She says she wants a campus close to a large city with lots of events and activities, but as her mom of 18 years, I know she prefers to be around a few good friends just listening to music, drinking coffee, making connections, and having deep discussions. If I’m allowed a “mom pick,” it will be Williams. I get her reasons for dropping the others, but it still saddened me a bit.
I think she can “be around a few good friends just listening to music, drinking coffee, making connections, and having deep discussions” at a campus close to a large city with lot of events and activities. As long as she is honest with herself about what she needs and where she will be happy, she’ll be fine. I think the problems can come when they view themselves differently than they are. For instance, my kid for a time considered a certain major because it “sounded hard”. She wanted a challenge, but the major she was considering was a very hard science major when her real passion lie in a liberal arts major which she ultimately chose, thankfully. As long as your daughter isn’t choosing a school based on a certain image she has of it or herself but instead on where she feels a connection, she will be happy.
@happy1 Wow. Timely post. I am struggling with my D’s list and it is driving me crazy. I can totally see her replying no b/f I got home from work. Ugh. She has removed any schools that are close to home and I’m afraid she’ll regret that as she matures.
@PepperJo yes, I have this with my one twin. I’m hoping she’ll add some that would be a great fit for her personality.
It’s a mature thing to cut the list. You see so many lists, where it’s just looks like kids plucked schools from the UNWR list because they are ‘ranked’ high. Your D seems to be making discerning choices.
Though she is cutting some city and some rural. Does she want more of a suburban type school?
If the only reason she took the schools off her list is distance from home you may talk to her about adding one or two back to the list. Sometimes when decision time gets near the idea of being so far away becomes less appealing. But you’d have to be OK if she gets in and says no!
I definitely also encouraged my kids to keep one school physically close to home on the list. You never know what might happen between now and May – like an illness for kid or family member that might make them wish to be closer to home. Both had one match on the list that was fairly close to home. Neither attended, but it didn’t hurt to have it.
She’s got schools in Chicago, Boston, New York, and Rhode Island still on the list. All big city. She will apply to 3 UCs (CA) just in case she decides not to trek across the country. I just think smaller and more rural is a better fit for her. But what do I know? I’m just Mom. I get why she cut most of them, but i don’t know why I’ve got this attachment to some of them lol.
@intparent EXACTLY. We’ve already had three serious things happen in our family. Two were Oct. 2016 and 2017. She knows how bad things can get with illness and hospitals. I’m going to insist that she find one and apply. Thanks you to @happy1 as well.
It’s OK to feel a little sad when your parent choices are not the kid choices. But she still has great schools on her list, and you say she has a well varied list of reach, match and safety schools.
As hard as it is…just remember, she is the one going to college…and it’s great that she is owning this search and selection process.
@PepperJo Regardless of how outstanding her stats are, if you want a few CA schools “just in case” , you might want to consider some CalStates as well. UCs are getting harder and harder to get into.There are just too many qualified applicants. They had record numbers of applications this year and some are overenrolled this year, too.
Know exactly how the OP feels. Our crazy list of 38 down to 25 then 20 then 15 then 10 or so. If it was up to my son he would of applied to like 5-6 and would of ended up at the same school. He would of had the exact same last 3 then 2 then 1 were he is currently at.
With all the crazy competition these days safeties are not safe anymore.
I really think the problem was we were very invested with a very detailed excel spreadsheet. Every decision to reduce the number was like peeling away at all the work /research we did VS either of our kids.
I can’t believe of the mental trauma we caused when we kept saying “are you sure”.
As the time got closer to apply say goodbye UChicago, Stanford, Harvard, MIT, and a few others. He was very realistic. I was like “it would be cool getting a denial letter from MIT to frame”. He didn’t find it funny.
But somehow all the kids we know some how end up at the best school for them. Every kid seems to be happy with their decision a year later. Or… They transfer to a better school for themselves like my daughter did.