So our son is the usual record-breaking perfect student who sat there on Ivy Day just staring at the “Rejection” screen, but has a great backup plan (particularly known for his major with many fingers pointing to it being “better” than the big names) and is all-in. There’s still some wait list activity, but that’s unlikely.
Everyone at school wearing their Decision Day shirts seemed to have triggered something and he’s a little down in the dumps. Not sure if it’s that, the reality of embarking into the great unknown or something else.
Anyone else? Possibly just looking for my own assurance.
Meanwhile, the safety school is no slouch (along with the Honors College, scholarships, etc.).
Thanks.
Yeah, we have that. Add in tech week for the senior play and some of the other kids not pulling their weight and long hours and short sleep. If kiddo makes it through this he will be able to make it through anything.
My daughter is finishing her freshman year of college but I remember last May being a tough month for her - lots of end of the year stuff, prom, saying goodby, etc… I think some sadness this time of year is normal, especially when you throw in the college stuff.
It takes something out of you to have the expectations deflated. Yes, it’s great to have a strong school, honors designation, great program, scholarship money there but it still hurts to be rejected. Even from schools you didn’t particularly like and ones that you may have rejected for a scholarship and certain opportunities that the big name didn’t have.
My cousin’s DD did have schools higher on the selectivity and prestige meters accept her than the state flagship she chose due to the fact it not only had her in a select honors program that was exactly what she wanted with a hefty scholarship included. Versus having to pay $70k+ a year and taking one’s chances to compete for any goodies in a more general course of study. But many times she she felt deflated in announcing her choice, especially to kids heading off to elite name schools. It bothered her that she felt she had to add that she was also accepted to certain other schools but was accepting the deal State U offered her. And she did feel that way, which bothered her even more.
When you see others proudly heralding their school choices that get more recognition than yours, yeah, it hurts. It hurts when you are not accepted to a school and someone you know, who does not have anywhere near the academic profile you digest accepted. In one school I know, it caused some real resentment and fall out when a URM with significantly lower stats, well to do parents so certainly with those advantages was accepted to a top college . The school was small enough that everyone had a good idea about what special hooks the students have and it hurts when it’s a non achievement one that is making such a difference. The same resentment crops up with athletic recruits and development/alumni/celebrity admits that are not way up there in the academic hierarchy.
So I don’t blame him for feeling a bit down. I would too
I’ll tell you a funny story about a kid who graduated with my oldest (so he’d be a college senior now). At decision time, he was presented with a wealth of choices…not just regular college things but things like the robertson at duke and the morehead-cain at UNC and something at one of the CA schools…and then regular old admissions like at uChicago. he agonized…he struggled…he literally talked to every person he could find at every college. So he chooses one. 24 hours later, he’s hit by a thunderbolt that he’s selected the wrong school…he’s devastated…he can’t even talk about his decision…he can’t believe how it was possible to make a decision so misguided. But it’s too late…the other choices are gone.
You know how this ends…the last 4 years of his life have brought him more challenges and happiness and friends and success than any kid should be able to have.
Regrets are normal…now set out on that path.
My twins are finishing their freshman year also. As a helicopter parent I felt deflated for each of them on different levels.
DS1 was rejected from his #1 USC. I thought for sure he would get accepted there. He was accepted at Notre Dame and has never looked back.
DS2 took a shot at Harvard and Northwestern. He was rejected by all selective schools (he is a CS major) in spite of NMF status and great stats (blah, blah, blah). I felt bad for him from the perspective that I probably fed the expectation that his stats would get him into at least one of his selective schools. I was wrong. I underestimated the need for a hook or a really strong essay. He is at a ‘safety’ school and doing well (4.2 GPA through 2 semesters).
It always bothered me that Ivy Day was basically the last acceptance day overall. Mine had a remarkable outcome including a full tuition ride to a excellent LAC and large scholarships at 12 other schools. Still those last rejections from the Ivies were such a bummer. But - as soon as the planning etc kicked in she perked up. By the way she is deliriously happy at her college. It was the best outcome we could have hoped for. Hang in there.
My kid is one of those wearing The Sweatshirt. She wants to feel excited, but hasn’t been able to get there yet. It’s a great choice, but there’s tons of separation from friends and family, performance anxiety, stress of decision-making, etc. that gets in the way.
This is just to say that there’s a lot going on for ALL these kids. The simple fact that students appear happy walking around in their college sweatshirts is not a good indicator of the internal reality for anyone. Of course you know that…but this is a friendly reminder!
Then you have the kids that can’t afford college, or don’t go because of mental issues. It was an awful time for my daughter. She didn’t even go to school on the college decision shirt day. It hurt too much. (A lot were her own issues but mental health played a HUGE roll).
For my son (a sophomore now) he enjoyed everyone asking what state his school was in, etc. He liked telling them about the early accept to vet school program. (One underclassman he talked to was accepted to the program for next year!)
Oh, @momocarly, I’m sorry. Nearly 18 years ago, I cried with a dear friend who had to tell her daughter, her beautiful, hard working, excellent student daughter that she could not go away for college. Between the application process, and the acceptances, they had to face the fact that the girl’s eating disorder was life threatening and that she was no where close to being able to control that beast. It had become clear that it was going to take years of monitoring, counseling, and possible in patient placements to get her to a safe place. And she had no applied to any nearby colleges other than Barnard where she was denied.
It was the right move that probably saved her life. A lot of relapses, some hospitalizations, many difficult times. She left in anger only to return on a stretcher.
She did get her degree locally, and went to Columbia for graduate work and is doing well with a husband and two children along with a career. She well understands her condition and why it would have likely been a death sentence to have gone away to school at age 18. Even now she has to constantly be aware of eating, and not. It may well always be a struggle for her.
So, yes, for some, it’s a particularly painful day.
My daughter’s school had a “College signing” event. You made a table, decorated, told people about your school, etc.
We had our Yale rep, our Brown rep, our Princeton rep, but my daughter was all smiles as she picked the LEAST competitive school she was accepted to, but their most competitive program. The valedictorian (Mormon) accepted to Dartmouth picked BYU (logical considering his religious beliefs) great kid, so for “some” rankings are not everything.
Back on topic her school is a great fit for her: undergrad completed in 3 years vs 4 years, study abroad built in 6 weeks long first summer, shadowing built in, research the next summer 7 weeks built in, volunteer hours built in.
She has her plan she didn’t get into Yale nor did she apply or Brown, but she graduates with a AA, took night classes and became CPR/ BLS certified (twice), Certified Medical Assistant local CC, volunteered 400 hours at the local hospital, has a job lined up, takes full immersion Spanish classes in her spare time is 80% fluent, her goal become a PA by 23 and serve in a underprivileged area.
Her plan has worked so far no complaints, but there are kids who have been totally dejected by this process. They need the rankings, need the clout, need to say they are Ivy league or T20. Considering I went to state university and the wife did too as did all of our Dr. friends went to “po dunk in state undergrads as well” that world means nothing to us and our kids.
The person is the variable the college just a means to end and most will provide all that is needed to be successful for “most” career paths especially at a undergraduate level.
emptynesteryet, Did your daughter get accepted to a combination bachelors degree/physicians assistant program?