Just wanted to get this off my chest. My dk had narrowed down to application list to 8-10 schools in late November. Almost all qualify as liberal arts colleges, as we agreed that fit closer to learning style. Kid’s planned major is available at most LACs but some would say it’s limited as it’s a major that is greatly benefited from internships which are mostly in big cities.
Anyways I added 4 universities back to the list in early December (2 had been off list since summer and 2 were new) as they are the renowned for opportunities in this major. Also started feeling that college list lacked diversity of size. DK is easy going and understood what I was doing but wasn’t thrilled. Long story short, DK now struggling due to burnout to finish the last few essays, which happen to be match schools. I underestimated how emotionally and physically draining this process is and now I feel horrible. Thanks for “listening.”
She does NOT have to complete these additional applications. If the list is a well varied one with schools to which she is guaranteed acceptance on it currently…let her STOP.
You do understand that internships are available to kids in places OTHER than their college towns? I mean let’s tske a school like Williams…a very well regarded LAC. Let’s just say that most students do NOT do their internships in Williamstown.
Did your kiddo have a hand in choosing these four additional colleges? Or were thes FOUR parent choices?
If her list is varied…and she WILL get accepted at one of them…how about if you reconsider YOUR four choices…and let her STOP applying.
I would say not to feel bad. Some parents get that moment of panic when they realize the apps are in and the process is no longer something they can control. I agree if the original list was solid you can let it play out and stop looking in the rear view window.
What does dk think? Is there one of the added schools he/she thinks would be a good fit? I can certainly understand wanting to add one university, as kids really do change their minds between application and decision. If there is one that is the favorite, why not have dk finish that one and forget the rest, especially if it seems like a safety or low match.
We did something similar. Two schools that had been on a larger but not final list ended up on the final list at the end. We asked our son to consider applying for various reasons (one was merit money, another reason was location). The key, though, was that the supplements could be fulfilled by adjusting some previous ones. In the grand scheme of things though, it’s just a few hours extra time your kid has had to put in. And you never know, maybe kid will end up at one of them.
I seem to remember adding one for my oldest, at this time, and he just said no,Mom, thanks but no. Does your daughter have that option? If so then it is voluntary. She can whittle it down or not do it at all- up to her right?
FOMO - Fear Of Missing Out - is a real thing. At this time in life it is OK for your kid to start seeing that you’re a human being, that you’re not perfect and not the ultimate authority. It’s OK to admit that adding the additional universities at the last minute was a mistake. It’s great that you are close enough to your kid to do that, it’s great that the kid tried their hardest to please you. And it’s great that this is now in the past.
Calm down, try to have fun with the time you’ve still got with a kid at home. The end of March will come soon enough. Schedule some time to be a family together and not worry about the future.
We added one for our son. He said OK, but made sure all of the college-specific material was completely lackluster.To the horror of his school’s advising staff, he was waitlisted at what they thought would be a safety. He didn’t think we would really make him go there against his will, but he didn’t want to find out if we were willing to try.
I had a big list in mind for DS and he applied where he wanted to go, refusing to apply to several schools he did not want to attend, no matter what, when the application process got overwhelming. I did insist that he apply at the large local state school as a safety and then I let go. No need to argue, since this is the beginning of their young adult lives and they need to own the choices.
Students and parents react this way. I would not beat yourself up. Coddle the kiddo – chocolate chip pancakes in bed may have been the path to D2’s final essay getting completed. And it turned out to be to the school she attended.
You could take 1-4 of those colleges off the list. It is hard to “stop”. There could always be another college.
You could offer to off load non-college applications chores for the child (do their vacuuming/laundry)
@gearmom Yes, we’re recycling but the “Why X?” essays take a decent amount of time to research. These last last 4 are largely one-offs but 150-200 words. Not painfully long but tough to keep restarting.
Thanks for the comments and critiques. All helpful and it helped jog my memory. Thinking back, I realize why I kinda freaked out. We basically knew we were going to miss the deadline (early Dec) for our big state school, which was to be our financial backup and only real university. I had thought of it as a backup for so long that I didn’t realize that they had multiple essays. Not sure how that happened as I had compiled all the Common App prompts and supplemental prompts for our other schools in late summer.
@thumper1 Ya, it was me that chose the four and what’s worse 3 of 4 are hard reaches. My kid is very easy to please, ok with a decent school almost anywhere except near home. Maybe I see why now I think I partially was worried after visiting a couple rural schools that they were too rural. Great schools and my kid really loved one of them. Before visiting I talked them up a bunch, but after visiting there were a couple issues about the area that struck me as near deal breakers. Still on the fence. So I think I overcorrected the other way.
We are done with the apps for the four schools. And we’re now on the match schools (downhill from here) and just a little bit beat up.
@ninakatarina I think it was FOMO. I got caught up in researching schools for so long and making sure the schools checked most of our boxes that I couldn’t stop all the way to the last moment. A paradox of choice. I read about most of the traps and regrets before hand and then fell for them. Thanks.
Thank you for posting about your experience, @TekSan. There are many of us who will be a little bit wiser now about the application process and how draining it can be, and we’ll adjust our expectations accordingly. Hopefully that eases your conscience a bit!
One thing that help my DS accept local schools in the application process was my commitment that he could live on campus no matter where he went. He has two younger sisters and their sister-sibling drama and noise would have been an interruption to his studies.
You mentioned there might some deal breakers for the rural schools he liked. If they aren’t cost related and you let him apply, you should back off and let him decide what is and isn’t a deal breaker for him. Don’t make the same mistake in the decision process that you did in the app process. Let him drive as long as you can handle the finances.
And it turned out to be to the school she attended.