Feeling bad and frustrated with working and staying at school??

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hello there, </p>

<p>I'm feeling a bit resentful of my family and friends regarding going away to school and working the farm, and I guess I could just use some impartial advice. And I apologize in advance if I'm ranty or whiney.</p>

<p>I moved in my dorm yesterday (and had to miss a busy day at the farm), and I had today off as well so I could settle in my room and adjust. Well, I left at 1 today because I have to get up early to go to a farmer's market tomorrow and there wasn't much to do on campus because it's Labor Day, and I feel very jumbled. </p>

<p>I feel bad for going home on the second day, but I already hung out with friends, already arranged my stuff, and already told my roommate about my busy work schedule. They didn't even come back to the room last night, so I know they can't complain about me not being there. </p>

<p>My mom is thrilled to see me, but I feel bad for coming home so quickly. It's just that I have to work for my family and I DONT want to have to get up super early at school, wake up my roommate, pack food and get ready and walk forever to my car at like 4:30 in the morning. I save a good 45 minutes by being home and I won't be so stressed out. </p>

<p>I suppose that I'm just sick of my friends saying "oh, you're going home?" in that disappointed/annoyed tone when they don't even understand. Working 11-12 hours is hard enough in itself let alone doing so after commuting from your new dorm with new obstacles. It's great that their work time is done or that they work on campus, but I still have responsibilities, and if going home once or twice a week helps me organize myself, should I feel guilty about it?? Isn't it my money and my time and so my decision?? </p>

<p>And with my family, they don't know what it's like going away to school and carrying a full 16 credit load because none of them went away to college. I just did weekends before, but now I got tangled up in a Tuesday obligation and I just want a break. I don't want to go back on my word and just not do the Tuesday market, but it's a lot on me to drive an hour up and an hour back just so I can work. It wouldn't be so bad if it was a shorter day, but I feel that I won't have time for anything. I want to study and do well, but I also don't want to let people down or look weak. Others have handled working and going to high school/a community college (2 of them), so they're just going to say that I should do it too. </p>

<p>Sorry for the rambling, but I feel all over the place. I don't really want to start the school year off feeling scorned or guilty or left out or anything. </p>

<p>Thank you.</p>

2

<p>No one can “make you feel guilty.” You’re doing what’s right for you right now, and others will understand. I think it must be especially hard right now because school has just started and most kids are hanging out and getting to know one another. If they act disappointed that you’re leaving, it’s probably because they were hoping to hang out with you, not because they are judging you.</p>

<pre><code>How many hours a week are you working? Is it just the one Tuesday plus weekends, or is it going to be more than that during the year? More than that sounds like too much if you want to be involved and have time to study. When my husband and I were juniors in college, we both tried to work part=time and go to school full-time. We never saw each other! It just didn’t work. He wound up quitting school and working so that I could go to school and not work. He went back after I graduated and found a full-time teaching position.
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<p>We all do what we have to do, but you want to be realistic. If you’re going crazy trying to do everything, something has to give. Maybe you can’t take 16 units, or maybe you can’t work as much. Only you can determine the right course, but right now I sense that you’re overwhelmed and are trying to do too much.<br>
See how it goes, but if your feelings don’t change in a couple of weeks, you need to rethink your schedule.</p>

3

<p>Hi Persona --My family also had a farm, and neither of my parents went to college. Let me suggest that you sit down with them – soon-- and talk about the time demands of college. My folks thought that because I had no trouble juggling everything in high school that college would be the same. It wasn’t. Especially the first semester, you need to get a solid set of schoolwork habits built. After that you can make better sense of when you can help, and when you can’t, but this semester ought to be about getting a really solid start in school.</p>

<p>PM me if you want to follow-up. I know how hard it is when you’ve been such a big contributor, and when you know just how much work there is to do.</p>

4

<p>College needs to be your most important job right now. I can imagine it’s very hard, but you shouldn’t feel like you are failing - you can’t do everything. I think weekends on the farm should be more than enough. Trying to do a weekday also may prove too difficult. Good luck to you.</p>

5

<p>If I remember correctly, you’ve felt “all over the place” about the conflict between school and family for some time now. As I think I’ve said before, you need to devise a reasonable schedule for the semester that provides enough time for academic and social pursuits (and just because there is nothing officially planned at college for a particular day doesn’t mean the only alternative is to go home–just hanging out with friends is a critical component of a social life), fit in a schedule for farm work in the time you have left, make sure you also have enough time for sleep and healthful meals–and then stop thinking about it. Tell your friends what days or evenings you’ll be unavailable so they come to know your schedule, and don’t bail on them to rush home every time you have an unexpected free afternoon or evening. With a firm schedule, you’ll have no decisions to make and nothing to agonize over, and you’ll feel calmer and more in control of your life–and remember, it is YOUR life we’re talking about here, and you are more than just a cog in the family farm machinery.</p>

6

<p>You have to get your priorities straight. If you take 16 credits you cannot add the Tues workday to your weekends. If you want to work Tuesday, drop a class at least.</p>

7

<p>At some point you will have to make some choices and take responsibility for those choices. </p>

<p>It is not possible for you to make everyone happy. You might have to face some unhappiness from other people. That’s just a part of growing up and taking control of your own life. </p>

<p>Decide what is most important and prioritize accordingly. Learn how to say no without explanation and without guilt. You are entitled to live your own life. Your life and time are not the property of anybody else. </p>

<p>It doesn’t mean they have to be thrilled with your decisions, but they do have to respect your right to your own life </p>

<p>Good luck. It sounds like you are afraid to disappoint other people. But it is an inevitable part of life that even with the best of intentions, people who want too much of our time will end up a little bent out of shape. </p>

<p>For your part, though, at this point, you need to learn how to graciously say, “I’m sorry. I won’t be able to do that. I already have another commitment.” If they press, just smile and say it again.</p>

8

<p>Before your college friends get entirely caught up in classwork, load them up in your car and take them with you to do some weekend farming and/or help at the farmers market. That will give them a better notion of your real responsibilities, and will educate them about the nature of family Ag businesses. You aren’t likely to get any longterm assistance from them, but they will understand why you feel you must work the hours that you do.</p>