<p>Hello, everyone! Yesterday was my big move-in day at college, and today at 10 am, I left for home. (pathetic, huh?) I had an uncomfortable, emotional first night, like most people do, and i just wanted to be home. (also, classes don't start till Tuesday, and i was pretty bored last night.) I live about 45 minutes away from the university, and especially on a Sunday morning, the drive isn't too bad. It's actually very pretty! </p>
<p>I was ready to go last night with the whirl of emotions, but i talked to some people and toughed it up a little to sleep there. I was so tired that I didn't care, but once I was up and talking to mom, I cracked again. I'm not trying to make excuses, but in my house, it's just my mom and I. (and my dog) my dad passed away several years ago, so throughout the process of moving on and all of that, my house has always been the consistency and security that wouldn't change or leave me. I love being here, and i never fail to feel safe. </p>
<p>To be honest, I wouldn't have gone away if I wasn't given a full ride to this school. The one grant was just for housing, so back in March, I figured what the heck? Now in September, I figure oh my gosh! </p>
<p>I'm sure I should give it a few more nights, (I'll go back tomorrow) but what should I do about this? I've never been to camps growing up, and i could never emotionally handle sleepovers. My mother said she knew I'd have a hard time, and we're wondering that since its all free and i only have classes 3 days a week, could I maybe eventually just use the dorm for bad weather and major studying? Is that fair to my roommate? </p>
<p>Feeling homesick is completely normal. I think you should stick it out and live on campus for at least one year. It’s important to learn how to live independently. You can always go home on the weekends.</p>
<p>Do you have a skype account and webcam? Keeping in touch will make the transition easier. :)</p>
<p>You can certainly come and go however you would like to, but it would be nice to let your roommate know so she won’t worry about where you are. I do think that if you leave campus too often, you will miss out on the fun stuff. You want to get involved in clubs, etc, and those usually meet in the evenings at most schools. Also, a lot of studying, good discussions, etc, go on when classes are over, or at night. Give yourself time to adjust…mom is right down the road if you need her, and you know that. What is it that you are worried about? Certainly your mom will be fine without you, and at some point, you do need to grow up and realize you can be ok living without your mom. No one is getting abandoned or anything, you are simply becoming an adult, and that’s good and healthy. Lots of people are feeling homesick right now, but if you give in to it, instead of grow through it and realize you can handle it, you will be hurting yourself. You are only 45 mins down the road, so if anything, let that help you to stay on campus. Have your mom meet you for lunch or dinner, but don’t leap into your car so quickly. Call home instead, and then, pick up with studying, activities, watching sporting events, and having fun with new people.</p>
<p>Well,Harvest… Of course you could go back home and wait until you’re ready to be away from your mom. But what if that doesn’t happen until you’re forty? Is that really the life you want for yourself? Is it the life your mom wants for you? This is a tough time for many people, for all kinds of reasons. You may find that the more you get involved at school, (pick anything-clubs, friends, volunteering, church) the easier it will be.<br>
Also, I know many people feel the need to be constantly in touch with parents, but maybe talking a little less often would allow you to more quickly adjust to school life . Best of luck to you.</p>
<p>Thank you for the comments. I know I’m being too rash and sensitive to it all, and sometimes it helps to hear advice pushing you to face your fears. (my mom just wants me to be happy, but she also wants me to grow and learn, which will ultimately make me happy. She wants me to stay there, but she won’t kick me out of I come home, either. Even if that would be better haha) </p>
<p>Is there a certain way to feel more comfortable sleeping in other places? I feel that I’m fine during the day at school yet scared and uncomfortable at night.</p>
<p>Go to the library and check out a really good book - something lighthearted. Read before you go to sleep every night to take your mind off of the unfamiliar environment.</p>
<p>As you make your dorm room your “home” you will become more comfortable sleeping there. Make sure you and your roommate agree to always keep the door locked, even if you get up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, so that you know you are safe. Use bedding that smells like your mom’s home, or use room spray that reminds you of something at home. Get into a routine at night, like shower, then have a cup of tea, then read or listen to relaxing music. Every night. Then go to sleep. You’ll get comfortable.</p>
<p>Thank you so much. I am definitely going to try and become more comfortable in there. I’m going to bring some more pictures and more familiar bedding. And when classes start, I’ll hopefully be too busy studying to notice that I’m not “home”!! it’s just hard at first, and I’m embarrassed that I chose the “flight” reaction instead of the “fight” option.</p>
<p>Bite off one semester at a time. You have an opportunity here; use it. It sounds like you never need to have a dorm room again after this semester if you don’t want to. You don’t owe your roommates any particular level of companionship, but friendships will form and stuff will happen without you if you’re not there. It’s better to let it all gel at the beginning if you can, while people are still available and open to forming connections. I agree with the poster above that healthy roommate relationships, especially between females, include giving each other a heads-up when leaving campus. Maybe your roommate(s) or other friends you will meet would like to leave campus with you sometime, especially if their homes are further away.</p>
<p>I like the good book idea – try Elna Baker’s The New York Regional Mormon Singles Halloween Dance. She went off to NYU and wrote about it. It’s about how she managed to build a life for herself as a young female comedian in NYC while remaining true to her Mormon principles. It made me laugh out loud on a plane.</p>
<p>I think I could definitely use a funny read!! Thanks. And yeah, I think I am going to take it one step at a time. Now I hope I can make up some lost time with people.</p>
<p>I’m just thinking about this on the viewpoint of some people I’ve met this year and last. People who’s roommates go home all of the time or whose parents stick around end up being absolutely miserable and usually end up complaining about their roommate a lot for the first few weeks, because for the first few weeks your roommate is your best friend because you don’t know anyone else.</p>
<p>On top of that, the people who usually complain about their roommate never being there usually are the ones who have the roommate who transfers to another school after the first semester.</p>
<p>Homesickness is a terrible thing and my current roommate had a terrible time of it last year as a freshman and was absolutely miserable until October when we really started developing a friendship. She still goes home a lot and calls her parents every night, but she can deal with it.</p>
<p>I think you’re at a school too close to home to help you get over homesickness, but also too far away to make a daily drive to have dinner with your family or something.</p>
<p>It’s hard right now, but you just have to suck it up these first few weeks, try to go home no more than once a week for a few hours, and just try to talk to your roommate and people on your hall and make friends.</p>
<p>I really feel for you, it’s hard to move away from home and have to get used to a new environment, especially if you don’t really have any experience away from home (as a parent I’m so glad my son has always been independent, if he hadn’t it would be even harder to drop him off!)</p>
<p>BUT I would definitely suggest you try to live at the college for at least a month before you decide to commute. Honestly a part of the college experience is learning to be independent and to transition into responsibility. Plus, you will get the chance to meet many more people while you are living there. Just give yourself a chance to transition (and you will find that most of the rest are also just transitioning!)</p>
<p>Thanks!! I’m really trying to get better. Classes have helped, and I’ve been trying to tire myself physically before jumping into bed. It’s still only the first week, but i hope it gets better!!</p>
<p>Yep!! My one friend is in on an eco-interest floor, so one day I decided to hang with her roommate and suitemates. I helped them collect some recyclable stuff, and i really felt included. I kind of felt like I belonged there. also, I’m getting along well with my professors, so it kind of encourages me to work harder to do well for them. (I know that’s such a “kid” thing to say, but it’s true!)</p>
<p>Parent here. Good to hear you are starting to feel better. It will take time, but before you know it, you will make friends and start to feel like college is your home away from home.</p>
<p>My daughter’s freshman roommate last year went home EVERY weekend. She texted her mother constantly. She never put up any pictures or attempted to personalize her room. It was like she was just using the dorm as a place to sleep when she was away from home. I would not recommend going home too often especially in the beginning of the semester. My daughter lives a half hour away from home, but she only came home for holidays last year. If she had come home on the weekends, she would have felt isolated since all of her high school friends were away at college. Plus, my daughter made her best friends on the weekends.</p>
it’s just hard at first, and I’m embarrassed that I chose the “flight” reaction instead of the “fight” option.</p>