<p>S2 transferred this January. He's at his new bigger school and has been there since Sunday afternoon. I know he went out Sun night with one girl he knows that goes there and a bunch of her girlfriends. He has met no guy friends. He had lunch alone yesterday and today. His text today mentioned that he still knows nobody. He gets along with the room-mate, but the room-mate has his own friends, and S2 says he is not the type that he would hang out with, so they aren't hanging out. </p>
<p>He has been to the fitness center, but I guess didn't meet anybody. I told him he is going to have to be outgoing even if it feels weird. He has never been the "new kid" and that is what he is. For fall semester he went up 2 weeks early for football camp so he had instant friends, and also there was that 3 day freshman orientation. As a winter transfer he hasn't met the football team, and there are less freshman football players in a much bigger school. Orientation was one day and much of it was sitting and listening, not "get to know each other" activities.</p>
<p>There is nothing I can do but hope he puts himself out there. It's only been 2 days of class, but I feel like so many of the freshman found their groups of friends last semester. They might see him alone and not realize that he is new, they might think he just wants to be alone or whatever. </p>
<p>His dorm is kind of chopped up. He is in a sort of suite with about 5 rooms and there is a little seating area on the other side of a door, then I think on the other side of the seating area there is another door leading to another 5 rooms. basically, he won't run into anybody except those in his little mini-hall, and he is at the end so nobody would really walk by. It's not conducive to meeting people.</p>
<p>I feel bad for him because I don't think he expected this. I do think he still likes it much better than his old school though. I wish I could fix it, but I know I can't.</p>
<p>Said it yourself. It’s only been 2 days of classes. He’ll need to put himself out there a bit. He’s already gone out at least once. Really, what do you want? sounds better than par for the course.</p>
<p>It’s only been 2 days give it time, he needs to check out some clubs to join. Being a transfer even 2nd semester is difficult but he will connect if he reaches out, study groups in his classes or volunteers for some service orgs act</p>
<p>My D went to a school 17 hours from home freshman year, and she didn’t know a soul. She is shy by nature. Her roommate was not someone she could do things with (long story - not a good match - although I am not sure who WOULD have been for this particular roommmate). She ate alone, sat alone for some time before she found her niche. She survived (not without many tearful calls home, of course). Your son will survive, too. Just give it time.</p>
<p>Suggest that he swing by the football coach’s office and say hello. The coach may have the captains contact him to keep him in the loop. My freshman son played football this fall and even though football is now out of season, they are currently lifting in groups a few days a week. Hopefully he can get to know some of his teammates this way and that would be a start to connecting with the group and making new friends.</p>
<p>He went there Sunday and it’s now only Wednesday. It’s not expected that he’d have a swarm of best buddies by now. </p>
<p>People make new friends all the time - not just at the beginning of a year. People also don’t get 1 or 2 friends and then stop making friends. </p>
<p>He needs to give it a chance but I’m sure he’ll be fine. I understand he might be lonely at times until he meets more people but it’ll likely work itself out very soon.</p>
<p>This sounds like a good time to have a little conversation with your son about the importance of realistic expectations. Perhaps that may have contributed to his disappointment at previous college? Going into new adventures, it’s good to have a flexible attitude and a sense of humor. Awkward? Yes. Permanent? No. These are skills he can take with him throughout his life, where the path may not be paved with perfection.</p>
<p>* For fall semester he went up 2 weeks early for football camp so he had instant friends, and also there was that 3 day freshman orientation. As a winter transfer he hasn’t met the football team, and there are less freshman football players in a much bigger school.*</p>
<p>???</p>
<p>Will your son be playing football at this new school? If so, won’t he soon be doing conditioning?</p>
<p>if not, then he needs to get involved with clubs and such assoc with his major or interests.</p>
<p>is there a biking or hiking club at the rec center? golf club? intramurals? tennis?</p>
<p>If he’s at all religious, tell him to go to religious services. He should go early and introduce himself to the chaplain if possible and explain that he’s new. If he’s lucky, the chaplain will introduce him to some other students.</p>
<p>He might also check out community service opportunities on campus. They are often a good way to meet people.</p>
<p>I can’t imagine how alone he must feel, but it is only 2 days in. Encourage him to seek out some type of club he might be interested in. Most universities will have notices in the student union tell him to go there and check it out. Or try and strike up a conversation with classmates…</p>
<p>A friend’s daughter got very sick first semester of her freshman year and had to come home. She just returned. Its taking a little adjusting, but she is getting there. Your DS will too. Good luck. hang in there.</p>
<p>Have him look into clubs. My D attends a very large university and I know they are having club call outs over the next few weeks. Your S’s university should be similar.</p>
<p>Personally I think it is a bit ridiculous to assume he would have met people in the first 2 days being new at a big school. If he has never been ‘new’ before (except in a situation where everyone else was new) then it is something he has no experience with and maybe not the greatest of skills for. He should relax, enjoy the people he has met, let it take time. Do the clubs, religious things, etc as suggested. I suppose I could sympathize with your worry, and I am sure that you have not conveyed this to him, but I think that if you are feeling badly for him then your expectations are not realistic either. Part of the reason you go to a big U is to challenge yourself to do exactly what he is doing- I guess if he has been a football player he is accustomed to being known on some level, but now he is in a bigger pond and it might actually take time to find his niche.</p>
<p>babylevi, I did tell him to email the coach, but he hasn’t yet. I will tell him to stop by but it’s kind of a weird situation because he only met the coach once or twice. They recruited him for last fall, but he chose another school. He contacted them by phone and email and they said they’d be glad to have him if he transferred. They said there would be an email in the new semester about spring football, but we have no idea when that would come. I will suggest that he contact the coach who sent out an email about off season lifting and ask if there is a certain time the guys lift.</p>
<p>Mom2collegekids, the first school he went to list a fresh class of about 450, of those there were 65 fresh on the football team. Hard to NOT find a football player. This school has 1450 fresh (per collegeboard) and only 40 fresh on the football team. He will be conditioning, but doesn’t know when that starts or if it is organized or on your own.</p>
<p>study groups? I wish he would, hopefully he will do that…and I think some classes will have group projects.</p>
<p>He was fine the first time around, he was with a bunch of new people, but being new in January is tougher and the cold weather keeps more people in. His dorm window looks out over the sand volleyball court and I think a basketball or some other court, so if the weather gets nice he’ll need to get out there.</p>
<p>He’s not complaining to me…I can just sense that it is not what he expected. His old dorm was the long hallway style and there were always people around and some doors open, also it was co-ed. This is much more closed off.</p>
<p>I know he will adjust, I just feel bad for him and wish I could help, but know I can’t. I just needed someone to whine to and you guys are it!</p>
<p>It’s always hard when we know our kids are unhappy. I understand how you feel, but as you said there’s nothing you can do. It’s only been a few days, and I’m sure that things will improve. It’s tough for kids who’ve always had the security of a team or group to find themselves in a situation like this. Hang in there.</p>
This is one of my big complaints about suite style dorms. They are great if you already have friends, they are lousy if you are trying to make friends. </p>
<p>This is really hard, but if he can stand it he should ask people if they mind if he sits with them and then introduce himself as a new transfer student. We are all afraid of being rejected, but the truth is most kids will be nice to you if they know you are new.</p>
<p>Obviously he should join a club or two. If sports is his thing he should find a way to get involved if he can. I think he’ll find it easier once he finds his football buddies.</p>
<p>Heres the good news: Your son is learning how to transition. A life long skill for moving on in ones life. New school, new job, new partner. It’s a skill and takes practice to master. Of course the answer is join, join, join. There will be sad days and he will survive. we all have.</p>
<p>Hang in there mom. I have one going through this in a new city with a new job.</p>
<p>Good news, he did send an email about an hour ago to the conditioning coach and actually listened to me and cc’d the recruiting/ass’t coach. He asked about workouts and mentioned he’d like to meet the team. He asked about the team meeting. He got a reply about 45 minutes later that the team meeting is tomorrow night. I have to wonder if that email about the meeting was coincidence or would he not have received it without reaching out…This should make him happy.</p>
<p>Glad he decided to send the email just in time!</p>
<p>Another possible way to meet people (besides clubs and religious services - both good ideas) is to spend some time in the student center. Is there a room with ping pong and pool tables? He might be able to meet some people if he hangs out in there. And the gym is a great option - could he join an intramural team during the off season? If he makes it a point to talk to someone new in each class each day, he’ll slowly build a network there, too.</p>
<p>It’s hard sitting back at home and knowing what a great kid he is, and wanting everything to go smoothly!</p>