<p>Yes. What has stuck with me from the beginning was that’s not what the OP had said. It was framed as “given who he is, maybe we can’t afford it.” Perhaps if OP had started differently, I’d have felt different–but as I’ve said before, this is a referendum on is he worth it or not. </p>
<p>If it was strictly finances, that would have been a different discussion from the start.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I have a good longtime friend whose SATs were below average(as in well below 1000 combined in the late '80s/early '90s) and graduated from an academically mediocre HS by his own admission*.</p>
<p>After taking a risk by attending a private university and taking some remedial courses, he bloomed, made dean’s list the last several terms of his college career, ended up getting scholarships due to those accomplishments, got a job offer a year before graduation, and finished a Masters in his field completely on his employer’s dime. </p>
<p>Thus, I am still of the opinion there’s a good possibility he may exceed expectations in college.</p>
<ul>
<li>Success there was defined as being eligible to enlist in the armed forces or find any job. Being able to get an apprenticeship or going to college…especially a 4-year was considered outstanding.</li>
</ul>
<p>I’ve lurked on this thread & followed the discussion. One thing in Limewine’s original post that leaped out at me:
Finances are part of the equation, but emotional maturity is also important.</p>
<p>OP, I have a S who sounded very similar to your S3. He was an OK student in HS - scraped by with a 3.0 gpa and SAT scores in the same range as your S3. He also had an ADD diagnosis: if he was interested in a HS class, he did well; if he was not interested in a class, it wasn’t on his radar & he forgot to turn in the homework. S is very bright but he was never good at taking standardized tests. While he is very responsible, he was also socially and emotionally immature. He applied ED to a 4-yr instate school and was accepted. Prior to matriculating, he even did a summer course and got straight A’s. However he discovered that military school was not right for him & he resigned within his first 48 hours. I was devastated.</p>
<p>We picked him up, licked our wounds, and 2 days after his resignation, I drove him to our local CC and registered him for classes. I’ll never forget the dean who approved his late registration, looking a shattered kid in the eye and saying, “Son, I know you will do well here.” It took me a while to hold my head up high after this fiasco, but I began to realize that what seemed to be a disaster was perhaps the best thing that happened to him.</p>
<p>S lived at home, attended CC for 2 yrs and worked a 20-hr job at Starbucks. He recognized that “Working for Starbucks is the best argument for getting my 4-yr degree.” He began to succeed in CC, got good grades, finished his AA with a 3.6. He matured a great deal in those 2 years while juggling work and classes. He took ownership of his education, applied to & was accepted at our state flagship under our state’s Guaranteed Admissions Agreement. (This is a highly regarded university so he ended up at a more prestigious school than he could have gotten into with his HS stats.) All of his CC credits transferred, and he entered state flagship as a junior. He completed his BA degree and graduated in 2010. I could not be prouder, knowing how much he matured and how hard he worked for his degree.</p>
<p>My point is not to brag, but to let you know that community college can be a good path for those who are not quite ready for a 4-yr school for a whatever reason. In the case of my S, CC allowed a late-bloomer to grow and gain confidence. S once told me that he could pick out the CC-transfers at his 4-yr school because they were more mature, disciplined, & had a greater appreciation for their education, having worked hard to be there. The other benefit of CC was that we paid for CC, thus saving S 2 years of his pre-paid tuition plan, which is now available for him to use for graduate school. (His employer will also contribute toward grad degree).</p>
<p>OP, you know your S3 best. If you think that maturity is lacking, then you should not feel guilty about steering him toward community college. You already acknowledged that S3 is different from his brothers. CC is not a path I would recommend for everyone, and my S2 is following a completely different path than his brother, but it worked well for my S1. He is successful, has a great job, and is currently awaiting acceptance from graduate school in the next 2 weeks.</p>
<p>^ what a heartfelt and helpful reply. Everyone has been truly helpful, thank you…</p>
<p>I know if S3 were the first or only child we would have automatically planned on a 4 year. Just sort of a family expectation. It was also the expectation of all of our friends. We were lucky that S1 ( and so was he ) easily met that expectation. </p>
<p>Those of you who have been down this road more than once know that we become less worried what others think and more concerned with what is best for our situation. I know for one I am more realistic about what is affordable. 12rmh…we are from a smaller town and I personally know many of the 18 year olds going off to college ( nature of my work). I also know that every year we have a percent come home after the first semester, for whatever reason. They, like your son, pick up the pieces and move on. I’m glad your son did it with such success! I wish all parents were better informed that this is always a possibility and that it doesn’t just apply to lower achieving students. In fact, I’ve seen some of the top 10 return home, go to CC, and leave again junior year.</p>
<p>Based on the insightful advise…S1 and both parents will sit down and evaluate where he wants to go and the expectations of that university. We will discuss his difficulties, how he has overcome a lot, but also what he can expect at a 4 year and if he is up for the challenge. We will be looking at senior year effort. Also he will be given a budget and informed that all/any admissions will depend on the financial aid package. We will begin living even more frugally this year ( socking away anything extra we can for college) and ask him to work 1 more day per week and save all of that. His current job covers gas and going out. Mom and dad will pick up any extra work they can ( already doing this but we will be more aggressive). S1 will also be required to thoughtfully apply for all local scholarships for which he qualifies. We will also make sure he understands the amount he is expected to contribute from a summer job and possible work study opportunities.</p>
<p>We will remain flexible and let S1 steer the boat. Thanks to all of you who have opened my eyes to what he can/has accomplished instead of focusing on the difficulties he has had. I am also thankful to those of you who have considered our finances, this can not be overlooked! And last but not least, he may do a lot of growing ( emotionally) over senior year, thanks for pointing that out. If not, we’ll need to address that when it comes time to send in deposits.</p>