<p>nu409, please do not feel guilty. I toured our local elementary school and met with the principal prior to kindergarten enrollment. Didn't like a number of things I saw and heard there (we live in an area where the public school system is very far behind the rest of the country), and my gut instinct said "run", so I went to our parish priest. We cut a deal - I worked in his office nights and weekends in exchange for tuition for my daughter at the local catholic school, and I did this from kindergarten through about fourth grade - it took that long before I could pay the tuition from the income from my regular job, and could quit working for the priest. When I first started working the second job for the priest, we couldn't even afford a car, or a phone. She would reach fifth grade before I could afford a car. But by seventh grade I could afford a house. Then came high school - once again, we did a tour of the selection of high schools, and, fearing the IB program as well as the gifted programs were about to lose funding, I enrolled her in the local catholic high school, so she could have access to AP classes, as well as all the other benefits that come with an education from that high school. Now she's a junior in college, I'm paying my EFC, and I'm planning the financial structure so that I can assist with grad school or med school or whatever's coming next. </p>
<p>It's an incredible honor, and a priviledge to have the opportunity to provide her with an education. I do not consider any of it a sacrafice, but rather a wonderful gift, for which I am very grateful. When she tells me about her studies, interests, achievements, and starts to carve out her future, or simply expresses intentions and possibilities, it makes me so happy - I cannot even describe the sheer joy I feel. I still work ridiculously long hours - but it's worth it, and more from habit than need.</p>
<p>What will give your parents the greatest pleasure is watching you do well in school, exploring new interests, making the most of your opportunities at college, and knowing that you are very happy. Then, once you're established and self-supporting, pay your debt forward to the next generation.</p>
<p>Nu: Just remember that there is not only one best college for you. The choice is not always between two extreme quality institutions or two extreme prices. We are in the same boat, too. I think that for us, the final cost will be a deciding factor among my son's top two or three colleges. No, we would not think of making him go to a horrible place that he doesn't want to go to. On the other hand, he is certainly does not have to go to his first choice if it costs 5 times more than choice 2 or 3. Perhaps there will be a compromise for you, too.</p>
<p>Nu, I agree that you should not feel guilty. But watching what your parents are willing to do to pay for your education, you should also be looking for opportunities to cut costs and make money. My older ones worked like fiends in the summer, 90 hours a week in jobs that made top dollar. My current senior bussed some tables at a countryclub last summer and will be a waiter during spring break and the summer, on top of a daytime job. He'll also continue the dogwalking and lawn cleaning business that the boys do e</p>
<p>Jubei, it would be far more polite to use the hugely popular Financial Aid acronym- a G.B.A.L.. (The G is for "great".) or among the more financially savvy-simply a G.B.A. loan.</p>
<p>Gratitude is the attitude. Call them when you get an "A" on a big paper or when you are chosen for a summer program. Share your difficulties and your greatest triumphs. Ask them about the dogs. A few years from now, present them with a grandchild. Be sweet and understanding when they are in their 80s and want to talk to you every night on the phone. Help them if they need it, give them attention and affection, show them respect, and love and support them in attaining peace when they get ready to leave this life. Mother Teresa once said that love is doing for others, and to keep on doing for others. They have "done" for you since birth, and the greatest return you can give them is to reflect that beauty from your own heart. </p>
<p>Along with our unconditional love for you, we parents also see you as the raw material of a major life project - an intense 18 year stint of developing, teaching, guiding, encouraging, and supporting. We very much want you to be a success - happy, fulfilled, and with a good shot at a rewarding life for the rest of your life - primarily for you, but also because it validates all of the effort, time, and care we have expended on your behalf. We want to feel the honest satisfaction that comes from knowing that we have done our best to prepare you for adult life and to launch you into the world. And we want to earn the praise of the Lord of the Universe within - "Good job, loving and faithful heart, good job!"</p>
<p>Nu, here's what you can do. When you get to college next Fall, start looking into volunteer opportunities that can lead to a paid internship the following year. Most universities have undergrad internships, but you have to start connecting with student orgs to find out about them. </p>
<p>There might be something on your college website that you haven't discovered yet. Do a search for "undergraduate internships" and see what pops up. A lot of opportunities come along, though, as a result of getting to know other students. I think you'll feel better if you can figure out another way to contribute financially. Networking with other students (and getting to know TA's and profs) is one way to find out about opportunities that may not be that well known.</p>
<p>Nu: Do you have a second or third choice that offers a good education at a better value than the first choice school? It sounds like it will be a huge strain to send you to your first choice college. I must say, that one or both parents working a second job and/or postponing retirement, or parents forced to leave younger children unattended does not seem essential or even reasonable to me. I just cannot believe that there is one college that represents the pinnacle of success, and no other is worth considering. </p>
<p>Also, my own father was the first to go to college (immigrant parents), and they endured financial hardship to go to the "best" school. Now, after multiple degrees and a successful career, my father says that no undergraduate education is worth that much money or the strain the additional jobs put on him and the family. Just one person's hindsight, if you are interested in it.</p>
<p>Well said lkf72. You don't have to to to the ivy leagues to go to college man. There are very good schools out there. Hell, there are two very good schools just by where I live. UT aunstin and texas A&M are two of the best.</p>