<p>Hi everyone, could you please help me one more time with this essay.
This one is for test #6 of CB, the last test.</p>
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Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>
<p>People who like to think of themselves as tough-minded and realistic tend to take it for granted that human nature is “selfish” and that life is a struggle in which only the fittest may survive. According to this view, the basic law by which people must live is the law of the jungle. The “fittest” are those people who can bring to the struggle superior force, superior cunning, and
superior ruthlessness.
*Adapted from S.I. Hayakawa, Language in Thought and Action *</p>
<p>Assignment: Do people have to be highly competitive in order to succeed? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
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Whether people have to be highly competitive to succeed or not depends on how they think of the word "succeed." If you think of "success" as something too big, too difficult, you have to be superior to others. If you consider "success" as achieving something small but meaningful, as helping people or simply as enjoying life, you don't have to be superior and ruthless.</p>
<p>If your dream is becoming a billionaire, you must be very talented and superior to other people. Bill Gates became billionaire when he was very young. Though he left Harvard after sophomore year, he must have learnt a lot about business, and also about "superior cunning" in this field. His corporation, Microsoft, had to face several charges of monopoly from European media companies. Everything took several years to settle, and if Bill Gates hadn't had many talented lawyers, his corporation would have been punished with a lot of money. In other example, Microsoft took Linux community to court because the community had used Lindows for its product's name, which was similar to Windows of Microsoft. As a result, Lindows was changed into Lin---s (Lindash). In those "business court," it's had to say which side has acted legally or which side is right; to win the court, you have to hire best lawyers, to use money and to cheat, if needed.</p>
<p>If your dream is not so big, you don't have to be competitive or cruel, and you still have "success." Some people in the world are fed up with the dog-eat-dog world, and they settle in small ranches. They can do farming everyday, raise animals and still have fun. They consider harvesting a decent crop or providing enough food for themselves or contributing a small amount to the economy as "success." They definitely don't have to be "highly competitive." How about a teacher who considers "success" as seeing his or her students getting a full scholarship from good colleges. Those teachers might be busy or tense in work, but they don't have to "struggle" ruthlessly to succeed.</p>
<p>People don't have to be competitive to succeed, as long as they view success simply as any meaningful work in life. Those who view this concept as billions of dollars have to be competitive and superior.
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<p>The ideas are a little unconvincing; I found a more interesting example for this topic halfway through the essay, so I can't insert this example ...
What a pity!</p>
<p>Please tell me what do you score this essay and how to improve it ? Are the ideas OK ? What about grammar, word usage ... ?</p>
<p>This is the last essay before the Dec test. I want to thank those who has spent time to judge my essay and give commentd; thanks to you, I know more about my weaknesses (since I'm non-native). Good luck to everyone on December test!</p>