Financial Aid Appeal Letter Critique

<p>Dear Financial Aid Community,
I am writing this letter for a formal appeal for financial aid. I was both academically disqualified and disqualified from financial aid last year due to failure to maintain satisfactory grades. I understand that it is my own fault that I have allowed this to happen and I take full responsibility my actions but I hope I will be given a second chance.
When I started college in 2011 I had a hard time adjusting to the college life style, I lost structure in my daily life and build some very bad habits. I didn’t take my classes as seriously as I should have and spend too much time having fun playing games than studying. Also biology turned out to be something that I am not very good at and had struggled in my classes thus leading me to not wanting to attend classes and created a negative spiral. This lead to me losing my scholarship and I ended up moving home due to the increase in cost.
Second year I hoped to turn things around but however ran in to some new issues. I was too proud to realize that biology was not my calling and decided to keep taking course on path for my pre-dental program, this caused me to take 4 major biology classes that year and because I did poorly in the basic course I struggle even more in the advanced biology courses. Adding on to that I still haven’t really fixed my bad schedule and thus lead to much wasted time, my dad also took a pay cut which lead to some bad atmosphere in the family due to financial pressure. At the end of the second year I still failed to maintain a 2.0 and thus lead to my disqualification from financial aid and the school.
This hit me really hard and really made me reevaluate myself, I come to understand that I need to manage my time much better and that I need to find a major that I would like. I decided that I want to continue my education so I had been taking coursed at COMMUNITY COLLEGE the past year studying toward a computer science major. Computer Science has been my second choice for major after pre-dental and after a year of college I can confirm it is really my calling. I have also managed to fix my time management issue during the year. I have set myself a daily log to keep track of my daily activities as well as creating time blocks for certain things during the day to make sure I never wasted any time, I think this is reflected in the 3.5 GPA I manage to maintain the past year. While I know that the GPA from transfer don’t count toward my GPA here but I hope this shows that I have the ability to not only maintain a 2.0 GPA but raise it even higher if given the chance. I sincerely thank you for your time and consideration on my appeal; I hope I can be given a chance to prove myself. </p>

<p>Sincerely,
Name</p>

<p>Any thoughts and advice on it are very welcome. Thank you</p>

<p>Is there someone you could meet with who could help you with the grammar?</p>

<p>Working on the proof reading part, put it up once I finish writing yet, due to the delays in my re-admission I’m kinda rushed for my financial aid appeal. If anyone nice enough to help be great XD</p>

<p>Personally, I think your letter is way to wordy. Just get to the point and summarize the facts. You have a lot of “blah blah blah” in that letter.</p>

<p>Thats what I was condering too, the issue with the first 2 year is kinda the same so I have consider just fusing it in to one? The reason its wordy is because when I talk to an financial ad counsoler said that focus on what happened so I explain it lot more.</p>

<p>Focus on what you have done to CHANGE this situation. And outline what you plan to do to continue this positive change.The school needs to know that you have a plan to take and pass all of your courses.</p>

<p>Thats what I wanted to focus on but during my talk with a financial aid counselor and told her my situation and what I done and stuff she like focus on what happens like she kept stressing to focus on what happened during that metting and was really dismissive of what I have done which is also why I’m very worried as well.</p>