One thing I haven’t seen mentioned is the additional stress it places on a child who needs to get scholarships to go to college. My d22 worries about her grades not to get into some Ivy league school, but to earn scholarship money. I feel that this creates extra anxiety for kids whose family can’t afford college. Any thoughts?
Yes, this is the case for many families.
Oh absolutely! My D will have one of the more generous outside scholarships in the country, and there are still worries about finances as COA is so astronomical at many schools. It’s a layer of stress on top of the normal application stress, and it pushes her to apply outside her target zone because top schools generally give better need-based aid.
Yes! The pressure to get into top schools becomes one of finance, not educational quality(although that’s a bonus). Looking at many possible choices with finaid (via net price calculator), the cheapest was Princeton. Good luck with that:)
Have you and your daughter taken a look at the threads in the Financial Aid Forum? You should find good ideas there.
You create a budget and draw a line. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that. It might help if you know what you can afford and what the NPC say you will pay. It will give you an idea of whether she needs to get GPA and test ecores up. I am an advocate otesting early to see where you stand work upon that to improve. Do the NPC based on current info.
Agree. Set the budget and use a bottom up approach. Find the situation that is guaranteed affordable and then the what if colleges. A total fishing expedition will not help minimize stress and anxiety.
I think it is very child and major dependent. Our kids have tiny budgets and merit opens the door to many more options. My current college sophomore was incredibly stressed during the college app season due to scholarships. She didn’t have any in-state options and local directional U would have meant dropping her area of interest.
Her brothers were way more low key. They figured they would have options they could afford and could pursue their majors at any of the schools they applied to.
Our current high school Jr has made the decision to live at home and commute. She has zero stress. Admissions is non-competitive and merit awards have low thresholds. She is totally fine with whatever job she can get locally doing whatever. (She has a completely different personality than her siblings. They have high internal drive. She is most definitely more of a go along with whatever.)
Thank you for all the comments. There is no easy answer, just needed some support 
There are several thousand colleges in this country. There is an affordable way for anyone to attend college.
Some students start at a community college and live at home. The Direct Loan comes very close to covering tuition costs at many community colleges.
Some kids commute to college from home to save money.
Some kids go part time and work part time.
Some kids work for the few companies that offer tuition benefits to undergrads.
Some kids, as noted, get sufficient merit money to soften the blow. And this isn’t just for 1600 SAT and 4.0 students.
What IS your annual budget? What are your kid’s SAT or ACT scores, and GPA?
IMO, the best thing to alleviate the stress is to apply to a rolling admission school, known for merit money, where your child is above the 75th percentile for scores/grades. There is nothing better than having an affordable acceptance in hand early.
Actually, knowing the financial limits, I took on the stress of finding colleges. We had a low EFC, so I knew the financial straits were going to be huge. I was determined to have at least two schools to choose from were affordable.
Youngest is at one of our state schools, looked down upon by many, but there are thousands of kids there. She wasn’t too happy about it, but she received a scholarship, and is very very fortunate to be able to dorm there, her oldest sister had to live at home, work, and commute to a nearby school.
Their brother was high stats, and had two options, Temple or Bama, which offered full tuition + scholarships. He chose Bama. I remember shaking when signing in for the ACT score, because it was so critical.
For those w/ low EFC’s, can’t afford the high costs of college, or just don’t have high stats, the kids can always live at home, work, and attend a nearby college. With a supportive family, there are always options.
^It is refreshing to hear someone tell the reality of having a “low EFC.” So many people here complain about their ridiculously high EFC. The truth for most with a low EFC is just as you describe @laralei.
Sometimes the stress propels a student to perform at a high level. As a college professor, I am concerned that we undercut our students’ grit too much by assuming stress is all bad. You might try thinking of it as a positive and see your tell your child they are capable of doing it.
@laralei I can relate - my D was like your S and it was Temple that allowed us all to breathe after her ACT scores came in!
It was HUGE to know there was a college she liked and would be able to attend, no matter what else happened over senior year. We visited twice, once for accepted student days, mainly to drive home to her that she had a cool place to go no matter what.
So, OP, a school that is acceptable to your kid and that is guaranteed affordable is a great thing to nail down early if that’s possible.
Otherwise, yes, totally relate. Acceptances were one thing to consider but financial aid packages were just as eagerly anticipated for us, especially since our situation was complicated and NPCs weren’t helpful. It was only the guaranteed-scholarship college that we knew we could afford that lessened that stress until other affordable options started to come in.
I don’t know why anyone thinks young adults should be shielded from the reality of life. There is no free lunch. If that is the impetus to work hard at school, that is all good. All kids should be working to get scholarships for college. It should be a thing. That isn’t additional stress, it is part of the requirements of going to college. To at least try.
One school my daughter went to (very small, only 25 in the senior class) had a requirement that every senior apply to 3 colleges, 3 scholarships, and 3 grants. Even if they’d made another choice(I know one went to the marines, some to tech schools, one to Naropa), they had to apply to the 3x3. At least they learned what as out there.
And it never ends, as there are often gpa requirements to keep merit awards during the 4 years of college. We were intrigued to see the differences as to how schools handled that. Some required a specific gpa by the end of first year or the merit award was gone completely. Others gave 2 years before checking eligibility to maintain the award and, if the student’s gpa did not meet the required standard, the award dropped a tier rather than disappeared entirely.
As we needed that 1/2 tuition merit award to afford kid’s LAC, we were reading the fine print pretty carefully before he made a decision.
Yes, @Midwestmomofboys The requirements to keep those scholarships are very important to look at very carefully, the minimum GPA, as well as how that is applied.
DS was in a class that had been revamped shortly before he started college. Apparently, it went from an introductory to a weed out class. He did very poorly in it, 3/4 of the class dropped it. He had a C and hoped to pull that up, it didn’t happen and he had to repeat it. His school doesn’t do grade replacement, so that poor grade in a 4 credit course haunted him for the next 3 years, very stressful. The school actually had a generous scholarship retainment policy, but many don’t.
DD also has full tuition scholarship, but the GPA requirement is actually quite low, I think a 2.8. She is in an easier major than her brother, so she shouldn’t have as much stress.
I had my kids only apply to schools within our budget. This way any scholarships, merit aid and grants was just frosting on top of the cake especially when there were years with more than one in college.