<p>Hi I would really appreciate some feedback on my appeal letter for my financial aid suspension. Thank you!</p>
<p>Dear Office of Financial Aid,
My name is and I am writing this letter in hopes of appealing my financial aid suspension. After a very successful first year at Jacksonville State I came into my sophomore year in high hopes of completing another great year. During the second semester of my second year, my grandmother came down with a severe illness and I decided to put my education to the side and help take care of her. The reasons for my failures are only my fault as I made a choice to leave and not attend my classes. During this year off of school I was forced to think of my future and why I decided to attend school in the first place. Over that time I have come to the realization that my education is the most important thing to me and I am in hopes that I can be given a second chance to prove this. I have enclosed a two year academic plan signed by my advisor that maps out all the courses I plan to take and the year I plan to graduate. My only intentions are to work harder than I ever have to realize lifelong dream of becoming an Oncologist. Please allow me the opportunity to prove that I am willing to do whatever it takes to further my education and make my dream of becoming a doctor reality. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely, </p>
<p>My Name</p>
<p>You’re wise to keep the letter short. The attached plan, while nice, is really just a list of classes. You need to tell fin aid what you will do to improve (work harder is too vague, and it doesn’t matter to them what your long after undergrad goals are). Will you visit the academic support center x times a week? Meet weekly with an academic counselor? Take advantage of other assistance programs on campus? </p>
<p>Good luck to you.</p>
<p>I assume you meet the criteria for an appeal which the school directs you to, at my.jsu.edu. If not, I think you will be hard pressed to win, as the school had ways for you to mitigate this, such as temporarily dropping out instead of missing classes.
As for feedback on your letter, as you asked, here goes:
Your English usage, grammar, and writing skills would turn me off as someone deciding on whether you could return to my school. An example is the fact you write “… hopes …” three times instead of one.<br>
Even your first sentence is not promising, as you are saying you hope to appeal your suspension, even though you are actually appealing it.
Everybody intends to work harder than they ever have. Don’t write that.
Mention something about the maturity you have gained (and real world experience, if any) by your difficult experiences taking care of your grandmother. Incorporate into your letter a one paragraph admissions essay on this.</p>
<p>Thank you very much!</p>