Find X essay POSTED

<p>Well it's crunch time! Anyways my friend starting writing his Find X essay for UofC, and he's kinda wondering if he should pursue it or start over. I told him that we don't learn enough about him from the essay, that it would be more suited for some creative writing class, but he says his other essays tell enough and he wants to just write a fun essay for once. </p>

<p>Anyways he wants me to post the start of the essay here. What do you guys think? Btw I didn't figure out how to do paragraphs here so paragraphs just have a dash at the start.</p>

<pre><code> -“It’s there!” my friend Jason shouted triumphantly as he pointed to the page.

-“I still don’t see it,” I replied.
-“C’mon, its right there.” He pointed again to reemphasize his point. “Next to the lady with the Hawaiian shirt.”
-I squinted at the area around his finger. Then I saw it. A small X, placed discreetly among a large group of tourists and a random assortment of other letters. “Oh yeah! To the left of that surfer chick, right?”
-“Yeah, that’s it.”
-“Cool. You wanna try out the next page?” I asked.

-“Eh,” Jason moaned, obviously against my suggestion. “Where’s X is getting kind of boring, don’t you think? I don’t know why this game was advertised as ‘Ten Times Better than Where’s Waldo!’ It’s just as lame.”
-He had a point. The game was getting dull, and I wasn’t even that good at it. The cover said ages four and up, but I was seventeen and couldn’t find X without Jason’s help.

-I thought for a while about what else we could do. “What else can we do?” I asked, giving up on thinking of something myself.
-Jason looked around, and eventually fixated his eyes on another book on his coffee table. “Do you want to try playing Where’s Y? The cover of that says it’s ‘Ten Times Better than Where’s X!’” He started reaching for the book, but I interrupted him.

-“Let’s not, okay? Anyways,” I continued, “I’m sure it’s just as boring.” What I didn’t tell Jason was how freaked out I was when I saw on the cover that Where’s Y was for ages two and up; I didn’t want to embarrass myself further.

-“Well unless you can come up with another idea,” Jason threatened, “we’re going to play Where’s Y.” He resumed reaching for the book.
-Sweat dropping down my forehead, I finally thought of something. “Why don’t we go find X in the real world?”
-Nothing was said for a few moments until Jason, skeptical, finally broke the silence. “You mean there are Xs… out there?” he asked nervously while pointing outside.

-I thought about it too. “I don’t know,” I said tentatively. “But there’s only one way to find out.”
</code></pre>

<p>From what I can surmise they then go outside to find X, maybe they end up at an adult store, or maybe there's a bumper sticker on a BMW that says "My ex-husband paid for this car," or maybe they find a FedEx store.</p>

<p>Bump. 23 views and no replies! I told him posting it on CC would work.</p>

<p>That’s pretty funny. But hopefully, it gets more substantive. (Also, posting essays publicly is generally not a good idea)</p>

<p>I like it…go with the adult store, but write it in a tasteful way…would be funny.</p>

<p>^^yeah mentos, I tried to tell him that but he was kind of desperate. </p>

<p>Thanks for the comments! I’ll make sure to tell him.</p>

<p>I like it. It’d be better if he put in an overall bigger meaning. What that could be, I have no idea.</p>

<p>^Yeah, he’s wondering the same thing about how to put in the bigger meaning. I have no idea how to help him in that regard.</p>

<p>Just a quick tip: when you write dialogue attribution, cut back on the adverbs and stick with simple verbs like “said” or “asked” or “replied.” What the speaker says should cover all of the adverbs anyway.</p>

<p>^agreed. I read somewhere that overuse of adverbs can make the writing look weak.</p>

<p>^Interesting. Yeah he’s not formally trained or anything in dialogue writing (as far as I know) so I’ll tell him that.</p>

<p>erm i think the essay is creative but it doesn’t tell me anything at all about him( except the fact that he plays childish games and is bad at them).</p>

<p>^I agree. That said, I don’t know what the adcoms are looking for in the Chicago supplement essays. </p>

<p>BTW I think the OP wasn’t really talking about himself being bad at games. I saw it as entirely fictional. But again this is a personal essay, so I’m not sure I’d advocate that strategy.</p>

<p>thanks guys. any suggestions out there for how to make it more substantive. at least this opening- he thinks he has the ending figured out.</p>